Fandom

Channel Awesome

36

2,628pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Talk0 Share

Ad blocker interference detected!


Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.

Ask That Guy With The Glasses Episode 36 (May 29, 2009)

That Guy With The Glasses is reading a book in front of a corner of cabinets, smoking a pipe. After a few seconds, he looks up and notices the camera.

That Guy: Oh! (closes his book) Ahoy-oy! [may be Slovak. HELP!- ed.] Didn't hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy With The Glasses .

Opening introduction with piano music playing.

Narrator (always off-screen; questions appear on-screen): If SpongeBob Squarepants was a woman, would his boobs be called cubes?

That Guy: (with his back to screen right, he turns to the camera) That's a very good question. Actually, no. They would still be called "boobs." They would just be called... "Spongeboobs." / [indicates a jump cut] And thus, his name would be changed to Spongeboob Squarepants. / (points pipe at camera) In fact, they should do that to increase their viewership. / Have Spongebob go in to have a sex change, / cut off his square penis and replace it with a square vagina, / and have him walk around having conversations about who's TRULY spongeworthy. / But you don't have to call him Spongeboob Squarepants if you don't want to. / There's PLENTY of other names you can call him: / like "SpongeBRA Squarepants," / "SpongeBOX Sqaurepants," / or Vanessa. (pauses) Because that's a nice name. / I just farted.


Narrator: My toaster asked me to stick my hand in it while it was still hot. What should I do?

That Guy: (back to right and turn) Have you thought about consulting the microwave? / Microwaves are often VERY intelligent. / I know a microwave who just graduated from Harvard. / (looks up, almost disgusted) Or at least he would if he didn't fall in love with that blender. / (Points pipe at camera) Never trust blenders, people. (pauses) They are sluts. / And especially don't try to make LOVE to a blender. / (leans in a little) Because when you try to turn it on, ...you'll regret it. / (hesitantly with mouth quivering) My penis looks like Kibbles 'n Bits. (looking worried, he smokes while staring down off-screen)

Narrator: Why did Jack go up the hill with Jill since he had a crown and was so obviously a king? Why didn't he just get a servant to go up the hill with Jill and get the water?

That Guy: (back to right and turn) Because Jack was having an affair with Jill, / and on the hill was the only place where they could do it and not get caught. / And, actually, "Fetch a pail of water" is really the CODE phrase for... "Let's fuck like monkeys." / Think about it. If I said the phrase like this: / "Let's go fetch a pail of water." / You wouldn't think anything of it, but if I said it like this: / (standing closer to the camera and smiling, with the standard erotic music playing, he nods and speaks in a deeper and obviously-altered tone) "Let's go fetch a pail of water." (gives a small smooch) / You would be like, "Hey. THIS person wants to make love." / Very horny love. / (whispers) The best kind. (holds still a few seconds then briefly raises his eyebrows)

Narrator: What happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object?

That Guy: Batman hangs the Joker upside down, and they talk ethics. / I know that doesn't SOUND right, but I saw it in a movie somewhere. / (looks up for a bit) Terms of Endearment, I believe it was. / Yes.

Narrator: How do you ask a question that will be on your show?

That Guy: You just did it, asshole. Next!

Narrator: Can you see me?

That Guy: (chuckles) I can see you ALL. / I see you when you're sleeping. / I know when you're awake. / I know if you've been bad or good. / (in an altered, deeper, and demonic demeanor; PLUS closer to the camera) SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE! / OR I WILL DESTROY YOU! (finishes with a horrifying look) / (back in his normal position, he laughs for a bit, suddenly stops, and swtiches his facial expression to one of surprise)

Narrator: Yesterday, I planned to go to Africa; but my trip was canceled. Where is the god damn question?

That Guy: (back to right and turn) Have you tried looking behind the fridge? / I find whenever I lose something, it's often behind the fridge. / One time, I looked behind the fridge; and I found Amelia Earhart, Bigfoot, and Jimmy Hoffa. / (chuckle) And I slaughtered the lot / because they asked me why they were tied up and behind my fridge. / (chuckles) I get so tired of answering that question, so I KILL things. (pauses) People, usually. / (looks up) I tell a lie. (at camera) ALWAYS. / Drink your milk.

Narrator: I found a cat with whipped cream at the mouth. Should I keep it?

That Guy: I'd say that's the only sensible thing to do. / After all, if he has whipped cream at the mouth, that CAN'T be incredibly healthy for him. / But you know what makes cats like that feel better? Kisses. LOTS and LOTS of kisses. / And if he starts scratching or biting at you, that just means he wants to be kissed more. / (chuckle) I've known so many people who've kissed their animals who've had whipped cream at the mouth. / And, for some reason, they all died. / (looks up a bit) I THINK it was the swine flu. That stuff is dangerous. (raises his eyebrows)

Narrator: Are you my conscience?

That Guy: (looks to his right, formulating) Yes. / And right now, your conscience wants you to take ALL your money and give it to me. / Why? Because your conscience said so; / and your conscience is always right. / Remember the song that damn cricket sang: / "The Circle of Life." / THAT'S what it's all about. / That and money, / which you will give me at once / so that I can buy you and own you forever. / And I will be happy. / (hushed tone) And rich. / (smiles and raises his brows again)

Narrator: How could you type with boxing gloves on?

That Guy: Indeed. How could you? (pauses, then in an angry voice:) HOW COULD YOU? / This is That Guy With The Glasses saying, "There's no such thing as a stupid question until YOU ask it." (winks at the camera and then returns to reading his book)

THE END


Also on Fandom

Random Wiki