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Ask ThatGuy Episode 4.3 (June 28, 2008)

[ThatGuy is reading a book and smoking a pipe, after a second he notices the camera]

ThatGuy: Oh, hola! Didn’t hear you come in. Greetings and welcome to Ask That Guy with the Glasses.

[Piano music starts playing, title card appears]

Narrator: I have trouble sleeping. What do you recommend I do to get a good night's sleep?

ThatGuy: That’s a very good question. Have you tried lying down, covering yourself with sheets, and perhaps closing your eyes? That usually helps with me. And may I also recommend dreaming. Dreaming does wonders for sleep. And you can imagine all sorts of things. I had a dream once that I was a porcupine. A porcupine! Can you imagine! Yes.

Narrator: In your opinion, what would be the plot of a movie with absolutely no clichés?

ThatGuy: I would say two and a half hours of blowing up a baby. Think about it, have you ever seen a baby blow up in a movie before. I think not. And once one baby has blown up, you go and find another baby. Blow him up. And then find another baby. Blow him up. Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. No characters, no story development. Just blowing up babies. [ThatGuy makes baby crying sounds] Ka boom. Isn’t that precious.

Narrator: I have a big problem. My cat ruins all the furniture around my house. How can I make the bastard pay?

ThatGuy: Well there’s several different methods to handle this. You can either spray the cat with water. You can rub his face in it and say “No, no!” Or my personal favorite, crucifixion. Or in this case, catifixion. Nail your cat to a cross. Keep him stuck up there for several days. And then say “Bad kitty. No ruining my furniture.” By that point he’d be dead but at least he would have learned his lesson. And he’ll take it with him to his kitty grave. [ThatGuy bites his pipe in a playful manner]

Narrator: I was wondering if you ever considered being "That guy with the contact lenses" or "That guy with the Laser corrective surgery."

ThatGuy: You mean just like how you’re That Guy with The Retarded Question? I don’t think so. [ThatGuy gives the finger]

Narrator: I'm in high school and I have no luck with women. How can I find the perfect girl with some tact and professionalism?

ThatGuy: Well first things first. Find out some things you and this special girl have in common. Find out what her hobbies are, what her favorite books is. Then try to start up a conversation with the information you have found. If that doesn’t work, find out some more information about her and black mail her. Everyone has some dirt. Find out what her deepest, darkest secret is and use that to force her to date you. Or you can start spreading rumors and lies. So if that girl doesn’t date you at least you can make her pay. And ruin her teen years. That will show her to not go out with you. [ThatGuy raises his fist] Hail Satan. This is That Guy with the Glasses saying: There’s no such thing as a stupid question, until YOU ask it.

[ThatGuy goes back to reading books]

The End

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