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Ask That Guy VIOLATES Ma-Ti [April 20, 2010]

[The Nostalgia Critic walks into frame. Everything is black and white, much like a silent film. Piano music, also much like the type from silent films is the only sound heard. When the Critic speaks it appears as title cards.]

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic, I remember it so you don’t have to.

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out but he seems more annoyed now.]

Title Card: Well, it happened again, for the third time in under two years I lost my voice.

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move as if swearing a lot but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Darn.

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: So there’s good news and there’s bad news…

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: The bad news is all the NCs will have to be pushed back about a week.

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: The good news is this will give me more time to work on the two year anniversary…

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Which is going to be shown the week of May 17th.

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: And it going to be AWESOME!

The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Still, I feel bad not having anything for you guys this week…

[Thinks for a second.] The Nostalgia Critic: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Here’s “Ask That Guy” raping Ma-Ti.

[Ma-Ti knocks on a door and That Guy answers. Ma-Ti has a pamphlet with “Save the Earth” written on it. Everything is still in silent movie mode. The “Ask That Guy” theme music is playing.]

Ma-Ti: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: Hello sir, are you interested in saving the environment?

[That Guy looks Ma-Ti over.]

That Guy: [His lips move but no sound comes out.]

Title Card: One moment…

[That Guy goes back into the house and returns with a gun and shoots Ma-Ti and drags him into the house. Before shutting the door, That Guy looks into the camera with a disturbing expression on his face. Ma-Ti is now on a couch. The music has switched into porn mode. That Guy runs a hand down Ma-Ti’s back, enjoying it a little too much. He begins removing some of Ma-Ti’s shirt, revealing his back. That Guy stops for a second to enjoy the view. He then starts rubbing Ma-Ti’s head. Ma-Ti wakes up and shoots That Guy. There is now sound.]

Ma-Ti: What the fuck?! [Shoots That Guy a couple more times.]

Ma-Ti: Oh my God! This has been a weird fucking day people. I came here to talk about carbon emissions. But instead I had to get raped by him! Thank God I had this gun. Fuck him! And fuck you too, internet! You clicked on this link, you wanted to see this! I’m like fourteen! The fuck is wrong with you people? You need to get out of your house, you’re so desensitized to all this crap and pornography and all this bullshit that’s on the internet. For God’s sake, go out and play some basketball or something. Okay. I think I’m finished. I’m going to rape him now. That’s what you want, isn’t it? That’s what you came here to see, uh? Somebody doing someone and…Fuck! You crazy fucks! I’m going to rape him now. I hope you’re happy.

[Ma-Ti ducks out of screen. The End.]

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