Episode Number
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Greeting
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Date Released
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Questions
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1
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"Hello"
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June 13, 2008
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- I have been trying to start a garden for the past three years, so I can eat more vegetables and green foods... but there's a huge frickin' Fraggle colony underneath my house. Do you have any ideas how to stop the Fraggles from stealing my radishes?
- I have a brother who wears glasses, how do I stop myself from confusing him with you?
- Who would win in a fight, Ash from Pokémon or Ash from Evil Dead?
- Why do we drive on parkways and park in driveways?
- If you could make your own full-length film with a budget of a Hollywood blockbuster and all the resources needed to film it, what would it be about?
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1.5
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"Hi there"
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June 15, 2008
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2
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"Howdy"
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June 19, 2008
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- Who would you rather be president, the liquid terminator from T2, Gumby, or Papa Smurf?
- Who would win in a fight between a lion and 1,000 bees?
- I lost my remote control. Do you know where it is?
- I have a problem, there's a stranger out to find me, and I'm pretty sure there's danger right behind me. What should I do?
- How many miles per gallon do you think Optimus Prime gets?
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3
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"Good Day"
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June 20, 2008
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- If they made TV-show themed condoms, which ones would you buy?
- Are there any celebrities that are "dead" that you think are really alive?
- If a car is driving with the speed of light and turn on its lights what will happen?
- What color is Jim's red gun?
- If aliens take over fish, what should I do to stay alive?
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4
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"Bonjour"
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June 22, 2008
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- There's seagulls at the top of my school and they are beginning to become quite a disturbance because they attack people. What can I do to make them disappear?
- What is the best method of defending yourself against a horde of evil squirrels using an onion, a stapler and the complete works of Edgar Allen Poe?
- Once I was playing Super Mario 64, and in Super Mario 64, you have to jump in a painting to start the level, and so I did... My little brother saw it and he asked me how that was possible, and I told him it's possible because it's a video game... He went crazy and now he is scared of paintings. What should I do?
- If you found yourself trapped in an underground Egyptian chamber, how would you escape if you only had a revolver and pen to help you? I forgot to mention that the chamber is filled with transvestite scorpions and radioactive monkeys.
- Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
- My uncle died last week and he is still in his room. He is starting to stink up the place and I don't want to touch him, what should I do?
- Last week I forgot to lock the door to my room when I was preparing myself to jerk off. All of a sudden in the middle of my pleasure, my brother busted and caught me in the act. I'm worried he'll tell my mom or dad about it and I'll get "the talk." Any advice on how to prevent my brother from telling my parents?
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5
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"Shalom"
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June 27, 2008
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- If Carmen is a slutty whore and Meg is a nerd and a porn star, why isn't John getting any?
- What is "Snakes on a Plane" about?
- How much do you think it would cost me to bribe a teacher to give me an 'A' instead a 'C'?
- I'm always living in fear of those "screamers" that are on the internet. How do I avoid them?
After ThatGuy suffers from a heart attack because of the previous question, The Bum takes over answering the remaining questions.
- Who would win in a fight: Sub-zero from , or Gandhi? Also, would the outcome change if say, Gandhi was on fire?
- I'm French and I want to know why you, Americans, are so bad in geography?
- My little brother is afraid of two things: Clowns and Big Bird from Sesame Street. How do I fix these two fears?
- How come the Flintstones celebrate Christmas if they lived before Christ?
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4.3
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"Hola"
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June 28, 2008
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- I have trouble sleeping. What do you recommend I do to get a good night's sleep?
- In your opinion, what would be the plot of a movie with absolutely no clichés?
- I have a big problem. My cat ruins all the furniture around my house. How can I make the bastard pay?
- I was wondering if you ever considered being "That guy with the contact lenses" or "That guy with the Laser corrective surgery."
- I'm in high school and I have no luck with women. How can I find the perfect girl with some tact and professionalism?
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4.6
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"Guten Tag"
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July 2, 2008
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- Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Would you like to wear my glasses?
- Why do noses run and feet smell?
- Bob Barker keeps sneaking on to my farm to spay, neuter, and rape my livestock. How do I stop him?
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6
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"Hola"
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July 9, 2008
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- So... What was the after-life like? And how did you come back?
- Where is your traditional 'Ask That Guy with the Glasses' pipe?
- A one-armed man is holding onto a cliff while his ass is itching. What should he do?
- Did you recently get a haircut?
- As you read this I am being gradually lowered into a vat of boiling acid. How do you recommned I escape, using as many flashy special effects as possible?
- What would happen to a guy if he got bitten by a vampire, a werewolf and a zombie all at the same time?
- There's a suicidal one-eyed green monkey sitting on my table and smashing newborn squirrels with a kitchen hammer. Therefore I believe the question is pretty obvious: Do you like cabbage soup?
- Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
- How dead is the Dead Sea?
- What do people in China call their good plates?
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7
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"Konnichiwa!"
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July 11, 2008
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- My boyfriend and I watch your hilarious questions and rants all the time. He always insists on watching you. Is my boyfriend secretly fantasizing about you?
- In 'Ask That Guy with the Glasses, Episode 4,' you told me to sacrifice my little brother to the gods. Would that be okay with my parents. Wouldn't they ground me, or should I sacrifice them as well?
- My girlfriend is smart, beautiful, and totally in love with me. The only problem is that she really enjoys the taste of human blood. Should I be at all concered about this?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- I have a problem. I live in Iceland and global warming is causing my igloo to melt. What can I do?
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8
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"Namose"
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July 16, 2008
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- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? I am not a vegetarian but my mom is, and she's terribly confused about this issue. She's also terribly stupid. So, can I eat my mom?
- What is in that book that you're always reading?
- I currently live on a warm, sunny, Mediterranean island. Next year I would have to leave my country in order to join a university in the UK. How can I cope with adjusting to their cold climate?
- If "Where's Waldo" and "Carmen Sandiego" had a kid, how hard will it be to find him?
- What is the meaning of life?
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9
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"Sieg Heil"
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July 18, 2008
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- Why is it called "The War of 1812" when the fighting technically started in 1811?
- MY PISS IS BLOOD RED! IS THAT BAD?
- If you don't answer my question, does it mean I didn't ask a stupid question? Does that make me smarter than you?
- I am quite fond of two women at the moment. I believe I am caught in the casual friend zone with one, and the other, with whom I am closer to, may or may not be attached. My question to you is, which one should I focus my energies on? Or should I forget it and kill myself? Or should I continue to masturbate to their yearbook photos, and cry for hours afterwords? Or all three?
- What are today's lottery numbers going to be?
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10
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"Dai ho!"
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July 23, 2008
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- Why go to the top of a tall building only to put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- If a fly didn't have wings, would it be called a walk?
- Why do Americans hate the letter u? Think of colour, armour and the like; you guys seem to have thrown it away.
- If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
- In one of your episodes, you said that you couldn't read, yet you're clearly seen reading a dictionary word for word just a few moments later. How do you explain this?
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11
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"Geiá sou"
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July 26, 2008
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- What is the difference between Jonathan Taylor Thomas and Haley Joel Osment?
- What on earth was man trying to do when he discovered that cows made milk?
- If you mixed Coca-Cola with pepsi, what will happen?
- A telemarketer keeps calling my house at 6:30 in the morning and will not stop. What should I do?
- I found out that my friends intentionally did not invite me to a party. What do I do?
- In the last episode you said that you read hydroglyphics. Did you mean hieroglyphics?
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12
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"Nahnamas Balam"
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July 30, 2008
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- Why does Daddy hit Mommy?
- Can you tell me why Paris Hilton still exists?
- I was bit by a spider. Am I going to die, or will I become a superhero, run around in tights, save the world while fending off my normal everyday problems?
- How come there are no genetically altered giraffes that can shoot lasers out of their eyes while back flipping on a trampoline and ejaculating grenades?
- In the last episodes, you said that New Amsterdam had been around for thousands of years. But it clearly has not. Are you lying?
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13
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"Wahn Wahn Mon!"
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August 1, 2008
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- What are the ingredients of Mountain Dew?
- What was your reaction to the infamous "2 Girls, 1 Cup" video?
- Were you the inspiration for the smash Nickelodeon series "Doug"?
- If you rape a prostitute, is it rape or just theft?
- In the last episode, you mentioned the ruler of Hell as Lucifire. Did you mean Lucifer?
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14
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"Salwaysay"
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August 6, 2008
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- Whatever happened to the Taco Bell Chihuahua? Did Ted Turner rape him?
- Can you see why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
- Is Hillary Swank really a man in disguise?
- If the person who controls time is "Father Time" and the person who controls nature is "Mother Earth", then what does that make "Aunt Jemima" and "Uncle Ben"?
- In the last episode, you said everybody lived "happily never after." Did you mean "happily ever after?"
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15
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"nuqneH"
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August 9, 2008
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- Once I saw a blind woman at the subway wearing a watch. How come she's wearing a watch if she can't see?
- Is it actually possible to sweat Gatorade?
- What is the most effective way to kill a Furby?
- I think I do not exist and I think I came from my imagination. What should I do?
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16
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"Salaam"
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August 14, 2008
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- Why is it that after multiple loads of laundry, you realize your missing some socks, and are unable to find them anywhere in the house? What happens to them?
- We all know how really bad records make really good Frisbees, but would a circular saw do the same job?
- Why do they call it a drive through if you have to stop?
- You never seem to hear your viewers come in. Have you seen a doctor lately? Perhaps you are in need of a hearing aid.
- A Trekkie dressed as a Klingon and a Star Wars fan dressed as a Stormtrooper meet by chance in an alley. Naturally, a duel to the death is the only possible result. Who wins?
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17
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*Salutes in sign language.*
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August 15, 2008
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- Recently I've been listening to the song "End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" by R.E.M and for some reason the song seems to describe our current reality. Do you think REM was right, and that it's truly the end of the world?
- How can I spot a rick roll?
- What time does the 7:00 movie start at the movie theater?
- I am going to die in 24 hours. I need to know what I am going to do before I die. Should I go off killing people I always hated or should I do some other random activity?
- How come when guys brag about how big their penis is, it's no big deal, but when I tell people that my vagina is a foot long they all laugh at me? Don't guys like that?
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18
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"Dinh Cho"
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August 20, 2008
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- How many languages do you speak?
- I have started to drink alcohol to drown my problems, but those bastards have now learned how to swim. What should I do?
- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
- For the past 6 hours, I have been falling down an escalator that is going up. What do I do?
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19
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*Clicking language*
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August 22, 2008
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- If I'm a scaly man-fish who drinks baileys from a shoe and has a mangina, am I still loveable?
- I love the feeling of ripping flesh, which is why I'm addicted to sticking pins and needles through my skin, it soothes me. I don't want my body to be scarred to shreds, so how do I stop?
- What is always drowning and always thirsty?
- I show your videos to my girlfriend and I think she just fell in love with you. How can I erase you from her memory?
- If Wile E. Coyote has enough money to buy all that crap from Acme, then why doesn't he just buy a bazooka or something and shoot the RoadRunner's head off?
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20
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"Dobry den!"
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August 27, 2008
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- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
- What would oranges be called if they were blue?
- What would happen if I met my past self after time traveling?
- Why is it a butterfly if it's not made of butter?
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21
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"Merhaba!"
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August 29, 2008
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- Whenever I go to the bathroom, I have to take a dump before I can take a piss. However in situations where I do not need to take a dump, I still cannot take a piss. What can I do to solve this problem?
- I am seeking a transfer to a new college, but I cannot make up my mind. What college did you go to? Maybe I can go there?
- Why are finished structures called buildings? Shouldn't they be called builts?
- If a Spoon and a Fork is a Spork, what do you call a Spoon and a Knife?
- You seem to wear the same clothes every episode. Why is that?
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22
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"G'day mate!"
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September 5, 2008
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- I am in a tight and enclosed room at the moment and I have severe claustrophobia. What should I do?
- Do you have any world records?
- If what goes up must come down, where the fuck do my balloons go?
- I very recently fell out of my bed and landed headfirst. I am now suffering from immense and epic amnesia. What is my name?
- The police said that I can't drive at 200 mph. Why?
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23
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"Sour de crum!"
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September 6, 2008
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- My hamster gets boners from staring at jellyfish. Is this a problem?
- Whilst on World of Warcraft, I met a level 54 dragon slayer. She said that she wanted to get serious. I want to do this, but I'll have to forfeit my magic mana (level 69). What should I do?
- I think my girlfriend is cheating with my identical twin brother. What should I do?
- I am an alien sent from the planet Mars. I may look human, but under my cleaver disguise... I look like a giant purple squirrel, with 3 tails, 5 eyes, and 18 tongues. My goal is to collect data and items to help me people learn of yours, so we can invade. I do this by eating anything I think is useful. Odd items, people... Animals... whatever I want. And by eating so much, I get horrible stomachaches. And sometimes it gets so bad, I end up throwing it all up... But then I have to start over! is there a way to make me stop throwing up?
- I showed my Mother one of your videos and claims that you are my biological Father. Why did you run off, where's my child support, and why did you put me up for adoption?
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24
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"Min-hani!"
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September 11, 2008
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- Help! Ninjas are at the front door! What should I do?
- Does there exist a male ladybug?
- If someone has a split personality, and one decides to kill the other, would it be considered murder or suicide?
- Can blind people see their dreams?
- I have noticed recently that my testicles smell different in the summer than they do in the winter. Why is that?
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25
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"Bom Dia"
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September 12, 2008
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- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
- Why is lemon juice artificially flavored, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
- If you were the owner of a factory, what would it produce?
- I was with my girlfriend the other night and then suddenly my phone rings, it was this guy that said "get away from my daughter", I asked her and she said that her father was dead. Then who was on the phone!?
- If I tied a piece of buttered toast to a cat and chucked it off a bridge, which side would it land on?
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26
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"Keshie"
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September 25, 2008
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- I just finished swallowing a gallon of antifreeze and am about to go into a large freezer. Will I need a coat?
- I have an unnatural hatred for the color magenta, do you hate the color magenta? And if so will you join my underground resistance to purge this world from everything magenta colored and related?
- Can ninjas catch me if I am on fire?
- If Barbie is so popular, then why do you have to buy her friends?
- Where do all the blocks from Tetris go when they disappear?
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27
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"Tanibanani"
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September 28, 2008
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- Why is Plan B always the better one?
- I have been hired by Six Flags to make their newest "extreme" roller coaster. I decided the best route to go would be to create a ride that caused sexual pleasure throughout. But nothing I have thought up has been orgasmic enough. Can you give me any tips on how to make a roller coaster that will achieve such an effect?
- There is a black hole behind my couch, it wasn't there before! What should I do about it?
- What flavor would you get if you put water melon and cheese burgers into a blender?
- I was in my neighborhood Chili's restaurant with my roommates and they were running one of those charity things where you could pay a dollar to color a chili pepper for Cancer research. Much to our surprise, we saw this hanging along with them: [Cuts to a picture of a charity chili pepper with "That Guy With the Glasses" written on it.] Care to explain yourself?
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28
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"Fo-Fo"
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October 3, 2008
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- What is ROLF? Is it a misspelling?
- Once, my cousin jumped off the Grand Canyon and landed in South Korea. How did this happen?
- Why is it against the law for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
- Why do all my girlfriends smell like fish? Is it my shoes?
- There is a zombie who lives in my closet and he is starting to get annoying because he keeps trying to eat my brains. I want to kill him, but I only have a carrot, a piece of string, a schizophrenic hamster, and a Scottish bagpipe. What should I do?
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29
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"Diase"
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October 3, 2008
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- What can The Candy Man not do?
- Is it possible to get tails on a double headed coin?
- Did the Titanic hit an iceberg?
- Help! There is a psychopathic killer after me! I am afraid I have no chance of living and will inevitably die a horrible, horrible death!!! So, how was your day?
- I asked my brother to go and buy condoms for me so me and my girlfriend could have sex. When he gave the condoms I found them already opened. I was wondering if it was possible that he opened the condoms, used them, and then tried to return them to me, and if I could catch any disease that he has.
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30
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"Salutations"
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October 9, 2008
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The question "Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" is asked before ThatGuy challenges viewers to answer the following questions:
- What killed the dinosaurs?
- How much wood could a Woodchuck chuck if a Woodchuck could chuck wood?
- If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?
- Can you tell me how to get back on to the freeway?
- What would YOU do for a Klondike Bar?
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