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Back to the Future: The Ride (Part I)

Some jerk back future 1

Original Air Date
March 27, 2015
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Back to the Future: The Ride (Part II)
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(We open in a similar style to "Back to the Future: Parts II and III" with Alan Silvestri's music and the caption: )

Channel Awesome

Presents.

A

Some Jerk With A Camera

Review.

Friday

March 27, 2015

10:04 AM.

(We then cut to the end of the "ABC Goes to Disneyland" review, We see Jerk now a bum, holding a piece of cardboard saying "Will review for crack". He notices the camera)

Jerk: Camera? Wow. It's been such a long time. Who found you?

(Cut to a pair of hands, one holds the camera, the other, the Luke Ski Puppet, who has a cardboard cut out head of Elizabeth Shue as a mask)

Luke Ski/Elizabeth Shue Puppet: I did!

Jerk: Elizabeth Shue?

Luke Ski/Elizabeth Shue Puppet: I don't know who you're talking about.

(We then see holding them is Luke Ski.)

Luke Ski: It's me, Luke! (Jerk looks confused) Luke Ski! The Great Luke Ski! My new album (A hand off screen shows the CD album) "4th Grade Talent Show" is available right now at lukeski.bandcamp.com!

Jerk: Why do you have an Elizabeth Shue Puppet? (Luke Ski looks annoyed) Do you also have a Tom Cruise puppet so you can re-enact...(Luke Ski has the puppet slap Jerk) I’m having the weirdest sense of déjà Shue. (Puppet slaps him again) Ow!

Luke/Shue Puppet: (Doing Marty McFly impression) Jerk, I’m from your past. I came here in a web series that you invented!

Jerk: (looking scared) This is literally what my nightmares are like.

Luke Ski: (Grabs a hold of Jerk, shakes him around, and does a Doc Brown impression) IT’S YOUR CAMERA, JERK, SOMETHING’S GOT TO BE DONE ABOUT YOUR CAMERA!

Jerk: Why are you speaking in movie?

Luke: (Cries in a normal voice) I DON’T KNOW, IT'S ALL I KNOW HOW TO DO!!! (Lets go of Jerk and speaks in a normal voice) Look, I know you can’t go back to Disneyland anymore. So, why don’t you just go to some non-Disney park, that has… (Gestures) you know, less with the…you know, characters and…(Looks off screen) Line?

Jerk: (Looks to where Luke was looking) There…there’s no one over there.

Luke: (Annoyed, hands Jerk a DVD case) Here.

Jerk: What’s this for? (Puppet slaps Jerk again) Ow! (Luke walks away with his puppet.) Loved you in “Hollow Man!”

Luke/Shue puppet: Shut up!

(Jerk looks at the DVD case, which is the 25th Anniversary DVD box set of the “Back to the Future” Trilogy. He then puts on his glasses and opens a page of the cardboard sleeve that lists the special features, one of which is for “Back to the Future: The Ride.” This excites Jerk as he takes off his hoodie to reveal a “Some Jerk With a Camera” Shirt, with the cartoon of him on the main page. Cut to Jerk in from of the Universal Studios entrance, he has 3D glasses from “Star Tours: The Adventures Continue” on his head.)

Jerk: Rides? Where we’re going, they don’t have (Puts the glasses over his eyes and other glasses) that many rides!

(We then cut to the end of “Back to the Future” movie where the DeLorean flies for the first time. It speeds off at 88 mph and disappears leaving in the sky, a fiery tire trail. We then see that 47 year old, Biff Tannen saw the DeLorean disappear.)

Biff Tannen: What the hell is going on here?

(We then Cut to the title “Some Jerk With A Camera: Season III” in the style of the “Back to the Future” logo. We then cut to Jerk in front of the “Universal Studios” sign.)

Jerk: To all who come to this reasonably content place, welcome! I’m Some Jerk With a Camera!

Jerk (v/o): Universal Studios Hollywood, the other movie theme park in the state that makes America’s biggest export (Cut to the “Hollywood” sign)! The park that (Carl) Laemmie built and (Steven) Spielberg re-built. The park that‘s a studio first and a park, roughly ninth, with some innovative, groundbreaking rides as the simulator (The Simpsons Ride), the 3D Simulator (Despicable Me: Minion Mayhem), the other 3D simulator (Shrek 4D), the ride with a bunch of 3D simulators (Transformers: The Ride-3D), the upcoming ride with a bunch of regular simulators (Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey”), and the studio tour that includes a 3D simulator (King King: 360/3D), soon to be TWO 3D simulators (Fast & Furious: Super Charged)!  And also the water ride (Jurassic Park: The Ride), the roller coaster (Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride), the stunt show (Waterworld: A Live Sea War Spectacular), and the spiny thing (Silly Swirly). Basically, if Disneyland was “The Beatles” of theme parks, Universal Studios is more like “The Rolling Stones,” less variety, but a lot more attitude!

(Cut to Jerk with Nicholas Bogroff Ganssle using a clapperboard then leaves the shot)

Jerk: It’s a park for the people, where admission is seven whole dollars cheaper than a day at Disneyland (Universal Studios is $92, Disneyland is $99), if you don’t want any fast passes. (Cut to Jerk at the Universal Studios ticket booth.) Front of the line pass? Why, yes, I am better than everyone! I’ll take two! (He hands his money to the cashier who gives him the two passes, Jerk walks away from the ticket booth and chuckles) Sucker! (But then he sees the sign for the wait time for the rides, the wait time for all the rides say “No Wait!” Jerk groans. Cut to him outside the park) But, they will sell you an annual pass for the same price as a one day admission and if can’t pay for parking. You can get here via the LA subway! Go ahead, try it. It’s like if the monorail was depressed.

(Cut to inside the LA subway, the whole car is empty.)

Conductor: (v/o from PA system): Welcome aboard the Metro Red Line. Nobody likes me, I smell like vomit, and the world is a shallow void of meaninglessness. Doors open on the left at Vermont (Ave) and Sunset (Blvd.).

(Cut back to Jerk outside the park.)

Jerk: And most importantly, Universal contains far fewer LIES that left me no choice but to leave Disneyland forever. (We flashback to him in the last review, leaving the park with his hoodie on. Cut back to the present.) But that’s all in the past. Time to move forward into the distant past!

(Cut to static and then to reviewers Arthur Knowledge and J.D. at Disney castle in Disneyland)

J.D.: Jerk, what are you doing? Where the hell are you?

Jerk: Why, I appear to be at Universal Studios! Where the hell are you?

J.D.: (Looks behind him, then back) Branson, Missouri, what’s it look like?

Arthur Knowledge: Yeah, J.D. and I flew all the way from middle America just to cameo in your show!

Jerk: Sorry, Arthur Knowledge of “Quest for Geekdom” and J.D. of “Comics Are Awesome," both of which can be found at Geekvision.tv, I don’t do Disneyland anymore.

Arthur Knowledge: You’re a theme park reviewer, you can’t just ignore Walt’s Anaheim pleasure fortress!

Jerk: I’m on Channel Awesome now, bitches, I can ignore whatever I want! Enjoy your measles!

Arthur Knowledge: I had to sell a kidney to pay for this trip! Not my kidney, but still! (Arthur Knowledge leaves the shot.)

J.D.: You’ve made a very powerless enemy, Jerk. A very, powerless enemy!

(Cut to static then to Jerk by the entrance to the NBC Universal Experience)

Jerk: Normally, at this point, I would discuss the history of Universal. But It seems some other review show... (Spazz Master comes up behind Jerk, waves at the audience, and then someone behind him puts a chloroform rag to his mouth and drags him off screen) So, instead, I’ll jump right into reviewing one of Universals most iconic rides ever; “Back to the Future: THE RIDE!!!!!”

Jerk (v/o): Yes, for 14 glorious years, the adventures of Marty McFly and Doctor Emmett Brown continued in thrill ride form, minus Marty McFly since Michael J. Fox was too expensive and no one was returning Eric Stoltz calls. But, we still had Christopher Lloyd to play the real Doc Hollywood! As I mentioned, it was the first of many, many motion simulator rides this park would open. Because what cheaper way to ride the movies than movies that jostle about in perfect sync with the ride vehicle.

Jerk: And if you remember my ABC retrospective, you know it will take me a long time to review every simulator they got in this park, possibly years, even! And who knows how much time I might take between each video to get every single tiny, little, minute detail exactly right. (Cut to static again) What do you people want now? (We then see it's The Nostalgia Critic in his review area in Chicago and he looks angry. Jerk screams) Ahh! Internet Fame!

Nostalgia Critic: (Rubbing his forehead) Jerk, refresh my memory. What were the rules for submitting to the site?

Jerk: (Confused) I am over 18.

NC: TWO VIDEOS A MONTH!

Jerk: Well, is it my fault months are so short?!

NC: Jerk, I’m trying to run a business, and if you can’t keep up with the demands of our business, I’m sure Spazz Master would more than enjoy your slot.

Jerk: (Scared) No, not Spazz, he takes orders directly from Figment (The Dragon)!

NC: All right, then, two videos a month! Oh, one more thing, you did say you were reviewing the “Back to the Future” ride, correct?

Jerk: (Annoyed) “Back to the Future: The Ride,” yes.

NC: Well, (pulls out a binder) according to section 127-Q of the Channel Awesome bylaws: “Every review of a ‘Back to the Future’ product must contain a bad Doc Brown impression from an extended cameo.”

(Jerk looks worried; we then cut to him at a convention hall)

Jerk: Okay, we’ve got a lot of people to get through, so no introductions. Just do your best, bad Doc Brown Impression and we’ll get back to you.

(We then get a montage of reviewers doing bad Doc Brown impressions.)

Leon Thomas: Great Scott, Marty! The plot hole is gonna consume the whole universe.

Jerk: Next!

Horror Guru: My God, Marty! Why didn’t you tell me she was a man!

Jerk Next! (Cut to Nash dressed as Doc, silent, looking at the camera creepily) I’m afraid you’re just too darn loud.

Calluna: It’s your kids, Marty! They’re assholes!

Film Brain: It’s one point one, two ,one jigawatts!

Il Nege: Have you tried the new IPhone?!

Count Jackula: It was a baby! (gasps) I can’t breathe!

Rocked: It’s pronounced big boot-ay!

Cinema Snob: (Running around with his hands up his sleeves) I’m shrinking, Marty! Shrinking, cause there’s no White Castles anymore, Marty!

Linkara/Fat Grandma: Marty! Marty, you get back in that car this instant! I need you to go back to the future for me! (Looks as if someone told him something) Who’s Doc Brown?

Jerk: Does the cameo have to be from a Channel Awesome producer?

(Cut to a clip for the Nostalgia Critic’s review of “The Room,” with the older Nostalgia Critic dressed as Doc Brown)

Old NC: There’s one worse. Far worse that they say is one of the worst movies of all time.

Jerk: I’ll take that as a no.

Smarty: (Emerging from the closet) Great Scott motherf- (Gets hit by a roll of toilet paper)

Jerk: No.

Arthur Knowledge: You’ve got to get back to Disneyland before the gay mafia takes over!

Jerk: Nice try.

Dr. Demento: Don’t forget to stay DeeeeeLorean!

Jerk: Wrong, Doc!

Tim Crist: Great (Checks his phone) Scoot!

Spazz Master: Next Saturday night, we’re sending you back to the furniture- future!

The Wire: (Sings the orchestral theme of “Back to the Future”) That’s a line, right?

Matt Iannone: (Holding a sports almanac) According to this sports almanac, the Angels win the pennant!

R.L. King: If my calculations are correct, once I finish Popeye’s red beans and rice (Holds Popeye's container), I’m gonna take a serious shit!

Trickster Bell: Marty, (Clutches her boobs) I can explain!

Stephan: I’ve done it, Marty! I’ve created multiple orgasms for men!

Thee Obscure: And Every time you masturbate, you kill your children! (Smiles) He was a priest, right, that’s what I’m playing?

Lindsay Smith: (Monotone voice) I’m Christopher Lloyd.

(We then get nine split screen shots of Docs played by Jerk, Ryab Hipp, Mikey Insanity, Nick Ganssle, Chris Mezzoleta, Katie Dunne, Morgan Leger, Marques Pryor, and Michael Novelli. Cut back to Jerk at Universal.)

Jerk: (he looks worried) I can’t do it, they’re all just too darn loud!

NC: You have to pick someone!

Jerk: Fine, I choose this tree! (Goes to a nearby tree) Congratulations, tree, you’re my official bad Doc Brown impression. What do you have to say about that? (The tree says nothing, Jerk laughs) That sure is some wacky science babble there! (To NC) NOW WILL YOU PLEASE MAKE LIKE DOC BROWN AND GET OUT OF HERE SO I CAN FINISH MY REVIEW?!

NC: You started?

(Cut to static then the commercial break. Afterward we cut to promotional footage for the ride.) 

Jerk (v/o): Like so many things that alter history for no reason, this ride is all George Lucas’ fault. In 1986, George invited his good friend, Steven Spielberg, to check out his shiny new Disneyland ride (Star Tours) a few months early. Reportedly, George just couldn’t stop praising the Imagineers, swearing that no other theme park could possibly match the glory of Star Tours in a million, kajillion… 

(Cut to a clip from “Back to the Future: Part II,” 47 year old Marty is looking at George Lucas from the vid phone)

47 year old Marty McFly: Nobody calls me chicken, (Dubbed in) “George,” (Normal) NOBODY!

Jerk (v/o): And sure enough, the very next day, Spielberg went back to Universal to pitch, essentially, Star Tours with DeLoreans. StarDeToreans, if you will.

Jerk: Then again, the ride is a time machine. So, how do we know…

(Cut to Jerk in a phone booth)

Marvin Land/Jerk: (on the phone) Disney? Disney? It’s Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Land! You know that new ride that you’re looking for? Well, listen to this!

(Moves the phone so the receiver can hear outside the phone booth. We cut to the entrance of Disneyland, there’s a big phone by it.)

Disneyland/Jerk (v/o): Um, what am I listening to?

Marvin Land/Jerk: Listen to this! (Moves phone again)

Disneyland/Jerk (v/o): I…uh, I don’t have any cousins. I’m a place.

Marvin Land/Jerk: (Constantly moving the phone) Listen to this! Listen to this! Listen to this! (He keeps repeating)

Disneyland/Jerk (v/o): I don’t…um,  I’m hanging up now. So, uh, goodbye. (The big phone leaves the screen. Marvin Land/Jerk keeps moving the phone.)

Marvin Land/Jerk: I’m helping! I’m Helping.

Jerk (v/o): Still, if you’re gonna rip something off, at least make it bigger and better and “Back to the Future (The Ride)” was both! Star Tours was an enclosed, sealed in, fake space ship with a fairly obvious film screen, no wind or fog effects and a character no one had ever heard of (Captain Rex). “Back to the Future (The Ride)” was Doc “freakin’” Brown piloting a fake DeLorean convertible through wind and fog effects in front of a 7 story omnimax dome! Long before every AMC multiplex slapped the IMAX logo on their biggest screen to drive up ticket prices, Universal immersed out entire field of vision in this wacky adventure through time!

(Cut to a behind the scenes featurette on the ride)

Douglas Trumball (Director of BTTF: The Ride): We become the leading character, thrust into the proscenium arch and that to me is a piece of cinema and I’m very disappointed that it’s never been reviewed that way.

(Cut to Jerk by the back of the Simpsons ride building that was the BTTF: Ride)

Jerk: Until now, mother fuckah! And it’s true, at that time very few people had seen anything on a screen that (Gestues to the building behind him) big before and the promotion for it did not play up the giant screen all that much, which made the surprise all the better. Not that you really could convey that kind of scope in a mere TV Commercial (realizes) or Web series. Almost makes one feel pathetically inadequate, in fact. (Looks back at the building behind him.) But, that’s never stopped me before! (He nervously laughs which becomes crying)

Jerk (v/o): Even beyond (Steven) Spielberg and (Robert) Zemeckis, “Back to the Future: The Ride” had quite the pedigree. It was directed by visual effects pioneer and “Silent Running” director, Douglas Trumbull, and written by a young up and comer named Peyton Reed, who went on to direct several TV and film comedy classics (examples shown are: The Weird Al Show, Mr. Show with Bob (Odenkirk) and David (Cross), Bring It On, and Down with Love), before deciding to let millions of Internet forever call him Edgar Wrong (Peyton Reed replaced Edgar Wright as the director of “Ant-Man”). He also made a “Back to the Future” TV special hosted by Kirk Cameron of all people.

(Cut to “Secrets of the Back to the Future Trilogy,” where we got to see the making of the trilogy. It took place in 1885 Hill Valley, Kirk Cameron is the only one who looks like he’s from modern times since he drives the DeLorean. The scene is near the end of the special.)

Boy: (To Kirk Cameron) Is there gonna be a “Back to the Future: Part IV?”

Kirk Cameron: Well, it doesn’t look like it, partner. But, “Back to the Future” will live on in “Back to the Future: The Ride,” it opens in November of 1990 at Universal Studios: Florida!

Kirk Cameron/Jerk (v/o): (As he’s getting in the DeLorean, which has sacks of fan mail on it) That is, of course, if the rapture doesn’t happen first. Until then, enjoy your fictional science, heathens! (Gets in the DeLorean) I’m going to be the 13th Apostle! (He drives the DeLorean off screen. We hear the DeLorean travel through time and make a bright light as it does. The Light takes us to a church with Triskster Bell as the a priest reading the Bible.)

Priest: “And the cowardly apostle, Kirk, said, ‘I’ll do it for 29 pieces!’”

Jerk (v/o): After six more months of delays, the ride opened in Florida on May 2, 1991 and in ’93, it finally premiered at the very studio Hill Valley called home. The premise is that after the events of the movies, Doc Brown founds the “Institute of Future Technology,” (The logo is a 3D spinning octahedron, the graphics look very late 80s/early 90s.) where apparently no one bothered to go to the future to get better computer graphics.

Jerk: Look, spinning double pyramid thing (octahedron), I know you’re just trying to help. But, nothing will ever spin like her. (Cut to clip from Captain EO, with the spinning asteroid set to Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart". Jerk reaches out hoping he can reach it but can’t and yet he does.) What do you know? I caught it.

Jerk: (v/o): We enter the queue and watch monitors showing the history of Doc Brown’s signature invention.

(We see a clip of BTTF part 1, where Marty is filming Doc’s time travel experiments)

Announcer (v/o): Brown’s insatiable thirst for scientific knowledge…

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): ...was so insatiable, he invented an invisible cameraman to get Marty in shot.

(We cut to a title card saying: “ITF Hovercam. Sub-ether transmission. 2015 AD.")

Announcer: The following is a sub-ether transmission from the year 2015.

(We cut to the POV of a hover cam shooting Doc flying the DeLorean.)

Doctor Emmett L. Brown: Aha, it works! Greetings volunteers, Doc Brown here! (He screams as he’s almost hits another hover car from BTTF Part 2 stock footage. To the other)

Christopher Lloyd (v/o): Asshole!

Doc Brown: I’m traveling down the Hill Valley Skyway in the year 2015!

Jerk: (Gasps) They’re reopening the Skyway this year?!?! All is forgiven. (Leaves the shot) I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!

(Cut to black with the caption “One Anaheim later.” We see that Jerk looks pissed and he leaves the park again (with recycled footage from the “ABC Goes To Disneyland!” review). Cut back to the pre-show, which now looks like an old newsreel.)

Jerk (v/o): We also get to see some of Doc’s excursions in temporal tourism.

Announcer (v/o):  Time travel has not only become a reality, but an adventuresome past time for noted scientist, Doctor Emmett Brown.

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): Almost as noted as Florida’s Xanadoc, the 4th dimensions largest pleasure institute!

(We see Doc Brown edited into historical newsreels)

Announcer (v/o): Doc Brown is on hand for the Wright Brothers 1st flight, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Richard Nixon, (Cut to the Beatles at their 1st US tour) Paul, Ringo, George, John and Doc Brown!

(Cut to Jerk in front of a Bubba Gump Shrimp Restaurant.)

Jerk; Well, if Doc’s just gonna steal Forrest Gump’s life like it was a box of chocolates to steal from a baby boomer, then why not just combine every Zemeckis film!

Jerk (v/o): Doc Brown disguises himself as a Toontown judge, so he'll hijack the Polar Express and show Ebenezer Scrooge’s future, a future where Jodi Foster hears ALIENS and flies up to meet them, but the pilot is drunk, so they crash land on the desert island where Forrest Gump lives. There, they find the El Corazón stone and make it into an eternal youth potion that poses Harrison Ford’s wife or something. So, they all sneak into the Beatles’ hotel room at “The New Deal” used car lot. Beowulf.

(Cut back to the pre-show where Doc is in the Hill Valley town square in 2015.)

Doc Brown: Dr. Emmett Brown here, please pardon the crudity of my broadcast signal. I’m coming to you from the year 2015.

(Cut to Jerk on the Studio tram tour, which passes the Hill Valley town square.)

Jerk: What a coincidence, me, too!

Doc Brown: I’ve managed to re-wire this hovercam so that I can (We see the hovercam footage as part of a Skype chat, then back to regular) beam transmissions to you people in the present. It seems Biff (Tannen) is loose somewhere in time. But, just where or when he is, I’m not quite sure. Keep your eyes open! The one thing I do know is that Biff will certainly use time travel for his own personal gain.

Jerk (v/o): Yeah, but Biff wasn’t exactly what you’d call a criminal mastermind, he was mostly in the right time and place to overhear you. Any unscrupulous bastard might’ve done the same (Use time travel to their advantage), including your own sidekick (Marty).  If you really don’t want time travel abused, then maybe you shouldn’t be YELLING ABOUT IT IN PUBLIC!

(Cut to a small montage of Doc Brown in the pre-show talking about time travel)

Doc Brown: Brace yourselves, time travel volunteers! To restore the space-time continuum. Crossing the time barrier is not for the weak of heart. Bringing back even smallest item from the future can create the most incredible complications!

(Cut to Jerk talking very loudly on his phone by the Transformers Ride.)

Jerk: YEAH, I’VE GOT THE MACGUFFIN IN MY BACK POCKET. IT CONTAINS ALL THE POWER OF THE UNIVERSE AND WHOEVER POSSESSES IT WILL DESTROY THE GALAXY. YEAH, MY BACK LEFT POCKET.  YEAH, I’LL CHECK TO MAKE SURE IT’S STILL THERE IN ABOUT AN HOUR OR SO AND I WROTE THE ACTIVATION CODE ON THE MACGUFFIN SO THAT I DON’T FORGET IT, IT’S 12345. MY LOGGAGE TOO, THAT’S SO WEIRD.

(He laughs as we cut to the universe exploding. Afterward, back to the pre-show.)

Jerk (v/o): And, of course, we cut to a montage of some of Doc’s lesser known innoventions.

Announcer (v/o): Automate flapjack maker, the K-9 cafeteria, the Dynomatic Spay gun, Static-O-Matic Electric Hair Chair.

Doc Brown: The Deep Thinking, Mind Reading Helmet, the ultimate thinking cap. (Doc puts it on which shows he’s thinking: “Work. Please work! C-mon baby, WORK!!") A penny for my thoughts?

Doc Brown/Jerk (v/o): I’ve got to stop wearing this to poker nights, I’ve lost half my funding!

Doc Brown: Thanks to my Hydra-waste fuel conversion system, what was once manure, is now a clean burning fuel. (He puts a bag of manure into the machine and it comes out as something that looks like a small, clear marble.)

Jerk: “Your invention,” my ass. YOU KIDNAPPED NIBBLER! (From Futurama)

(Cut to Jerk in front of The Simpsons Ride)

Jerk: Do you have any idea how vengeful Matt Groening (Creator of “The Simpsons” and “Futurama”) is? 'Cause there’s no telling what he’ll do to retaliate! (He realizes)

Jerk (v/o): Finally, Bill Brown: The Science Clown (Doc Brown), shows us why we’re here in the first place.

Doc Brown: (shows a model for his eight-passenger DeLorean) It’s this baby that will send you across the time continuum one day into the future.

Jerk: Because,that’s what tourists want, less vacation time! That’s way better than killing Hitler! Say, after we’re done, is there any way we can escape from tomorrow? (Cut to weird footage from “Escape From Tomorrow.” Jerk looks surprised.) What the hell was that? (He shrugs.)

Jerk (v/o): Then, If you’re stuck in line long enough, the pre-show video starts all over again!

Announcer (v/o): Brown’s insatiable thirst for scientific knowledge…

Announcer/Jerk (v/o): …was so insatiable he invented an invisible cameraman…

(We see static, then Nostalgia Critic returns, he still looks angry.)

Jerk: What? I’m deliberately taking my sweet ass time to get to the bloody point, to replicate the experience of in line forever, only without the fresh air or friends to converse with.

NC: How the hell do you expect to do two episodes a month at this rate?!?!

(Jerk looks worried. Cut to the of part 1 of the “Full House” Disney World episode with the caption: “To be continued…”)

DJ Tanner: Michelle!

Kimmy Gibbler: Michelle!

Stephanie Tanner: Michelle, where are you?

(Cut to the end credits. Halfway through, we cut back to Jerk.)

Jerk: Hi, I’m Billy Zane. Have you ever said to yourself: “Hey, I can do a better Doc Brown impression than that dumb tree!” Well, you probably could and here’s your chance to prove it! Introducing “The Show Me Your Doc Sweepstakes!” Here’s how it works: you staple your best bad Doc Brown impression to a 3x5 index card and mail is to Scruff-McGruff, Chicago, Il. 60652 and be sure to ask for your free activity book!

(Conspiracy Guy (Played by Spazz Master/Charlie Callahan) pops ups in the graphic that shows the address.)

Conspiracy Guy: I want it! I want it!

(Cut back to Jerk, who looks to someone off screen)

Jerk: Hmm? It’s 2015? (Back to the camera) Well, forget all that then. Just film yourself doing a bad Doc Brown impression in costume, just a white coat and white wig will do. Upload it to YouTube , preferably as an unlisted video and tweet (@tonygoldmark) me the link with the hashtag: #ShowMeYourDoc. I will not except download links, only YouTube links. The deadline is Tuesday, April 21, 2015 at noon, Pacific Standard Time. Get your bad Doc Brown impression to me by then and it just might be seen in part 3 of this very review. So, get cracking, concerned citizens, now’s your chance to show me your Doc!

(Cut back to the end credits, then back to the Institute of Future Technology, octahedron logo to an audio clip of the Arnold Schwarzenegger Rabbi film from “The Critic".)

Rabbi Arnold Schwarzenegger: (Sings)

Oh, Dreidel, dreidel, dreidel,

I made you out of clay!

(Cut back to the end credits, afterward, we cut to a girl’s bedroom where the Luke Ski Puppet is dancing with the Elizabeth Shue face still on him, he’s singing “Then He Kissed Me” by The Crystals.)

(The End)

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