Batman vs. The Dark Knight
May 20th, 2009
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to, and welcome to a new portion of the show called Old vs. New.
The title card is shown, featuring an old man crossing his cane with a little boy's baseball bat, as dramatic music plays and lightning strikes.
NC: This is where I take something old and nostalgic, and compare it to a recent remake to see which one is better. With that said, let's take a look at two of my favorite movies of all time: Batman and The Dark Knight.
Various clips of both movies show while the Critic keeps talking
NC: Now both of these films pushed the envelope on how to make a good comic book movie. They were dark, edgy, and constantly breaking the barrier between fun kiddy antics and epic adult dilemmas. But which one is truly better: the original or the re-imagining?
Cut back to the Critic
NC: Now I know technically, Batman Begins was the first of these new movies, but The Dark Knight is considered to be the best, and it has the most similarities to the '89 film, battling the Joker and so forth. Also remember that NONE of this is fact, it's strictly opinion, so don't go ape-shit if you don't agree with me. Even if you are completely wrong. So, let's see who's the best bad as we compare Batman and The Dark Knight.
The opening sequence plays as we see pictures of the main characters from both movies fly into the sky, while the theme songs of both movies play side by side.
NC: Well, let's just cut to the chase and jump to the main character: Michael Keaton vs. Christian Bale.
Round 1 - Best Batman
Clips of the movies play as the Critic narrates
NC: Now, to be fair, Christian Bale has a lot to act through. He has to play Bruce Wayne, the college student; Bruce Wayne, the outcast; Bruce Wayne, the warrior; Bruce Wayne, the drunken millionaire; and Bruce Wayne as Batman. Thank God they didn't ask him to do Bruce Wayne the transvestite. That would've destroyed him. Any one of those would be hard to do, and he has to do all five. But I have to admit, as hard as Bale tries, Michael Keaton is still the superior Batman. The main reason? He keeps all of his pain inside. When you see Bale, you can instantly see somebody who's either looking for attention or trying to hide something. With Keaton, he acknowledges that this is his battle, and he'll fight it alone. If you heard this guy (Bale) was Batman, you'd be like, "Yeah, he seemed a little odd to me." But with Keaton, you totally wouldn't believe it. In fact, a lot of people didn't. Many people petitioned not to have Keaton as Batman because they couldn't see him in the role. But that's why he's so frickin' perfect. You wouldn't suspect him. Look when he grieves over his parent's death. This is all very, very subtle: no tears, no facial expressions, but you can feel the pain that he's going through, where Bale still seemed a little lost and confused. And, of course, you have to look at them as Batman. Keaton is the only Batman who can actually smile and still look intimidating. It says, "Yeah, I got nothing to fear, bitch. Your ass is grass." Bale in the costume just looks ... well, silly. Now to be fair, that has a lot to do with the design. Keaton's costume was dynamic, classy, but also very threatening. Bale's always looked a little off to me. The nose was weird and I think it was little too bulky. It didn't really look like Batman. It looked like a guy dressing up as Batman. And of course, there's that infamous voice.
Bale: This city just showed you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
NC: I know, everyone's made fun of this voice, so I'll try to keep it to a minimum. Let's just say Keaton's sounded very natural.
Keaton: The Joker's tainted hundreds of chemicals at the source.
NC: ... and Bale's ...
Bale: You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
NC: ...didn't. In fact, let's play these threat scenes back to back.
Keaton: I'm not gonna kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Bale: Where were the other drugs going?
Krass: I don't know.
NC: You can tell Bale is trying to be threatening, while Keaton just sort of naturally is.
NC: You don't mess with Mr. Mom. Even when he's trying to save a family's life, he still does that stupid voice.
Bale: You don't want to hurt the boy, Harvey.
NC: Come on, people's lives are at stake. Can't you just cut the act?
Bale: Because you were the best of us.
NC: Let's just pray that he doesn't read at any orphanages any time soon. [Cut to critic reading a comic book, imitating Bale's voice] Good night, moon, Good night, MOON. Good night, STARS. [Stops imitating] While still doing a good job, Bale can't compete with the unexpected master himself. Point goes to Keaton.
Bale: Sorry to disappoint.
Round 1 Winner - Batman
NC: But a hero can only be as good as his villain, and the Joker is one of the greatest villains of all time. But again, which one is the true clown prince of crime: Ledger or Nicholson?
Round 2 - Best Joker
NC: I have to admit, when I heard Heath Ledger was going to play the Joker, I said: "What, the prissy guy from A Knight's Tale? Come on." And when I saw the design of the character, it didn't help much either. It looked like a kid who put on Grandma's makeup wrong. How's that threatening? Even after his tragic death, that didn't change anything for me. I still thought he was gonna suck. Nobody can top Jack, and nobody ever will. He's practically been playing the damn part all his life. So what makes them think this pretty boy can do any better? Well, thankfully, I was 100% wrong. Heath Ledger is not only funny as the Joker, but he's also shit-your-pants scary. I think this is because he encompassed every previous Joker that ever had existed before. The comic, the cartoon, the Nicholson performance. There's even a little bit of Cesar Romero in there. Just listen to that laugh and tell me they don't sound alike.
Clips of Romero and Ledger's Jokers are shown of them laughing.
NC: But while combining all the previous Jokers together, he also manages to still stay fresh and new. Paying homage to the original renditions but still giving his own take as well. Nicholson was great and funny, but he's more creepy than he is scary. Ledger was actually terrifying. And this is the scene I think cemented it for everybody. He was so scary you could hear a pin drop after this moment was over.
Ledger: Everyday he doesn't, people will die, starting tonight. I'm a man of my word. (laughs crazily)
NC: (scared out of his wits and could only let out a little shriek)
NC: (voiceover) It's interesting how in the '89 film, we know all about the Joker and little about Batman. Yet in the new films, we know all about Batman and little about the Joker. In both cases, I say less is more. The more mystery there is about the character, the more fascinating we often find them. And Ledger's character is no exception. Jack, I love you, but this is the Joker that seems to have everything. All the laughs, all the intelligence, and all the frights.
Nicholson: I've given a name to my pain.
Round 2 Winner - Dark Knight
NC: But what good is good characters without good supporting characters? (beat) I don't know, but this film had some good ones.
Round 3 - Best Supporting Cast
NC: This isn't quite as easy to pick out because both films had a really good cast. I guess we'll look at girlfriends first: Kim Basinger vs. Maggie Gyllenhaal slash Katie Holmes. Now believe it or not, I actually didn't mind Katie Holmes in Batman Begins. True, looks like she's about TWELVE, but outside of that, I think she did alright. And the same can be said for Gyllenhaal, who both play very tough and intelligent roles. Basinger on the other hand was more of a typical damsel in distress: always in trouble, always being saved, and, I swear, speaking only in screams. (shows montage of Vicki Vale screaming) But, to be fair, she was a much more interesting character. She was kind and insightful, but was also cunning and quick. She was supportive, but also had her limits, which made her seem a lot more realistic. She really stood out as a character where the other two seemed to stand out as role models. That isn't bad, it's just not very memorable. Alfred is also kinder in this movie, but I have to admit, I love how anxious and involved Caine gets in the new films. But, dude, does he always have a speech prepared?
Caine: Batman stands for something more important.
Caine: But you spat in the faces of Gotham's criminals...
Caine: You squeezed him, hammered him to the point of desperation...
Caine: That's the point with Batman: he can make the choice...that no one else can make.
NC: Good GOD, he can give a speech about anything! (in another voice) Hey Alfred, you want some breakfast?
Caine: A long time ago, I was in Burma. (NC looks confused) My friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty...
NC: ...I-Is that a no?
Caine: ...of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones.
NC: I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF YOU WANT EGGS! (sobs into his desk, his hands behind his neck)
NC: (voiceover) Pat Hingle was good as Commissioner Gordon, but Gary Oldman is always a powerhouse actor, giving even a small support role so much weight. Though maybe he just relates with people that dress up like giant bats. (picture of ??? from another film) I can't imagine why. And I guess there's really no point in comparing Harvey Dent (clip of Billy Dee Williams as Dent), as the first film barely mentions him and eventually turns into...(clip of Tommy Lee Jones as Batman Forever's Two-Face) Yeeeah, that never happened.
NC: But overall, I think I have to go with the '89 film. Why? Because GOD-DAMN it, it has BOB in it! (clips of Bob from 1989's Batman) And I fucking love Bob! He's the henchman who doesn't say anything, do anything, but for some reason he really leaves an impression! He's like the Boba Fett of Batman, he barely does anything but for some reason, people just love him. He even got his own action figure. Why?? Why the fuck does he have his own action figure?? I don't know, I don't care. I just know that little bit of coolness tips the pile over to Batman's side. (cut back to NC) I love you, Bob. We all do.
Nicholson: You...are my number one...guy.
Round 3 Winner - Batman (by a Bob)
NC: But hey, what fun are good supporting characters if they can't beat the shit out of each other? Here's to the best action scenes!
Round 4 - Action Scenes [sic]
(Clips of both films)
NC: (voiceover) Both these films have really good action, but I'll admit that Batman's is a little more...traditional. I mean, the sounds are great and the fighting is cool, but it's nothing really spectacular. I mean, look at this, they fire randomly in the air! Why? Isn't that a waste of ammo? What, [they're] looking for BIRDS to shoot or something? (NC imitating crows) CAW, CAW! CAW! (Dark Knight scenes) Despite Batman Begins suffering from way too much shaky cam, Dark Knight learned its lesson and gave us some really intense action scenes, the best one being the car chase in the middle of the film. This was really hardcore [and] had great amounts of suspense and tension.
Ledger: (laughs crazily)
NC: (narrates) The rest of the action is decent too, though the last fight at the end did seem to go on a bit. The action seemed much grander in Dark Knight, whereas the grandness of all the other films is somewhat limited to its effects budget. (spotlights going up a skyscraper in Batman) (sarcastic) Yeah, that doesn't look like a model at all. (end sarcasm)
(clip of ??? from another film): Shit.
NC: (V.O.) Again, I love the action in both films, but Dark Knight made me glued to its scenes from beginning to end. And I say that definitely deserves the [???].
Round 4 Winner - Dark Knight
NC: So now it all comes down to the most important factor of all, the story. Which one was best written, best directed, or just overall best told? Well, let's just dig a little closer to find out.
Round 5 - Best Overall Story
NC: (V.O.) Now, to be fair, the plot to both these films is all over the map. Neither of them are coherent, but then again, with the Joker, that's kind of the idea. The motivation of Ledger's Joker seems to be to spread anarchy and chaos, but Nicholson's motivation actually is anarchy and chaos - it just sounds crazy.
Nicholson: I make art, 'til someone dies.
NC: (V.O.) How totally nuts is that? (cut to Critic) That's like saying "I want to be an architect. I need bodies!" (The Critic points to his head and twirls his right pointer finger, mouthing 'Cuckoo') The film also climbs to a decent climax, building on each scene while still leaving time for the audience to breathe. In The Dark Knight, the whole third act is like one big climax. It's intense, but it does get a little tiring after a while. Can't there ever be a break? (NC imitating Bale, with his right hand up) Alright, give me a minute, I...I need water.
('89 Batman footage)
NC: (normal voice) In the '89 film, a lot of people had a problem with Batman being so quiet and in the shadows while the Joker is so loud and so[aking attention?]. But really, that's what's so brilliant about it. Batman is mysterious, and he is quiet. That's what makes him so fascinating. And that's really my main problem with The Dark Knight. They ANALYZE EVERYTHING! In Batman, all the choices, dilemmas and consequences are implied and hinted at. The rest you can just see from how the characters look and their actions. That's the idea of a visual medium. There's really only one talk about why Batman does what he does, and it seems very much like how a real person would talk.
Keaton: Look, sometimes I don't know what to think about this. It's just something I have to do.
Keaton: Because nobody else can.
NC: In Dark Knight, everything is talked about, and I mean everything.
Ledger: When the chips are down, these, uh, these civilized people, they'll eat each other.
'NC': (cut to NC imitating Bale) DON'T question me about ethical dilemmas! I read 'Psychology for Dummies' too! (normal voice, film scenes) It's like if the characters of Greek mythology actually talked about and analyzed their problems all the time; it's not the same. It's not their place to talk about it; that's the job of the viewer. The '89 Batman movie talked little, but said a lot. The dilemmas are still there, they're just not analyzed to death. And don't get me wrong, I love the talks of The Dark Knight. But they seem like conversations that movie critics would have, not the actual characters. (cut to NC) Like I said before, the plot is kind of like the big deciding point here. So, which one do I like better? (scenes from both films) Well, as much as I love The Dark Knight, I have to say that Batman is the one that's [more gone bad??]. It just seems like a more classic story, more subtle and more epic. I love the themes of The Dark Knight and how adult they make the protagonist, but it just seems more like a character study than it does an actual three-act movie. (back to Nostalgia Critic) So even though I love both films and I'll probably get a lot of hate mail for this, I have to say that Batman is the superior film.
Round 5 'Winner - Batman
NC: So the old wins in this situation. Does that mean I don't like The Dark Knight? Not at all, I just like Batman a little more. And, uh, my [only] hope is that Christian Bale doesn't take what I said about him too seriously. (cellphone rings) Excuse me. (answers) Hello?
("Bale" on the phone yelling at the NC with clips from his YouTube rant video)
NC: (whilst trying to sweet talk "Bale") I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
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