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Bedrock
Date Aired
March 26th, 2012
Running Time
10:10
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Todd: "Bedrock" by Young Money is just, like, a cavalcade of terrible lyrics, like one after the other, and it's just...I didn't realize until, I think, after I finished the review how much I really, legitimately despised this song, just what a witless failure of crap. And it's also the last review I completed before I got a call from Channel Awesome, an e-mail from Channel Awesome asking if I was interested. And, uh...that was a...that was a fun day. I'd had a terrible day at work, I come home, I'm miserable, and Rob Walker had e-mailed me. Like, I'd never even submitted my stuff to them. And, uh...I guess this was right after I'd finished the "Bedrock" review, so this was interesting times. And, um...so this was...you know, so this is where I...I'd realized I had to start stepping it up because I was getting promoted to the big leagues. Yeah, we do take ourselves that seriously at ThatGuyWithTheGlasses. Here it is, the last...the last one that I haven't yet uploaded to Blip. "Bedrock" by Young Money.

Fade out

Fade into Todd playing "Bedrock" on his keyboard.

YOUNG MONEY ft. LLOYD- "BEDROCK"
A pop song review

Todd: Okay, when a celebrity reaches a certain level of fame, [picture of Silent Bob with...] often times he'll have a tendency to tell all his buddies, [...Jay] "hey, I'm gonna make you famous too." Would Rob Schneider have gotten any work in the past ten years if he wasn't friends with Adam Sandler? Probably not, and this is especially true of rappers. This is how we got such luminaries as [pictures pile up of...] G-Unit, D12, the St. Lunatics, the Ruff Ryders, the Refugee Allstars, and a bunch of other losers who never, ever escaped their mentor's shadow. But is that always the case? No, it's not.

Lil Wayne video

Todd (VO): Lil Wayne, who is the hottest rapper in the universe right now, he started out as a member of another rapper's posse, and his group project, Young Money, [clip of Drake ft Kanye West, Lil Wayne and Eminem - "Forever"] already launched another budding superstar with Drake.

Todd: But now it comes time to see if he can do the same for Young Money's other members. [Pulls out list and reads names that appear on the screen] Members like Mack Maine, Jae Millz, Lil Chuckee, Lil Twist, T-Streets, and a bunch of other names that sound like I'm just making them up, though I swear to God I'm not. And they all get a chance to prove themselves on their new song..."BEDROCK"!

Opening of The Flintstones
Fred Flintstone: YABBA DABBA DOO!

Todd (VO): Oh, I wish.

Todd: No, I'm pretty sure this is some kind of generic love jam or something. This doesn't have anything to do with The Flintstones, although wouldn't it be great if it did?

Video for "Bedrock"
Lloyd: My room is the g-spot
Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock
[Todd is taken aback]
Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock

Todd: I stand corrected. Okay, um...1., congratulations on making the first Flintstones reference I've heard in a song since Weird Al.

Clip of Weird Al Yankovic - "Bedrock Anthem"
Weird Al: Yabba-dabba, yabba-dabba-dabba-doo now

Todd: Okay, the other thing...Flintstones is a pretty fitting reference, because that punchline is prehistoric! That was old when I was a kid.

Todd (VO): You built an entire song out of an ancient Leisure Suit Larry joke! Way to go.

Todd: One of two things happened here. Either A, they thought it was a seriously smooth pickup line; or B, they thought it was funny; and either way, they're wrong! They're wrong!!!

Lloyd: I can make your bed rock, girl

Todd (VO): But the hook is just there to connect the verses to each other, right? I'm sure those are great. Take it away, Lil Wayne.

Lil Wayne: She got that good good, she Michael Jackson bad

Todd: I can't think of how comparing a woman to Michael Jackson is flattering, but, uh...we'll let that one slide.

Lil Wayne: ...Michael Jackson bad
I'm attracted to her for her attractive [distorted] ass

Todd (VO): Most popular rapper in the world, ladies and gentlemen.

Lil Wayne: I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave

Todd: Wow. Take you all day to think of that one?

Todd (VO): Okay, Lil Wayne clearly did not bring his A-game today, either that or he's a disgustingly overrated rapper.

Todd: [sarcastic] And we all know that can't be true.

Todd (VO): All right, who's next?

Gudda Gudda: I'm Gudda Gudda, I putta other

Todd: What?

Gudda Gudda: I'm Gudda Gudda

Todd: Gudda Gudda. That's your rap name. ["Gudda" on the top...] Gudda... [and on the bottom] ...Gudda. ["Gudda Gudda" flashes] Sir, I can tell you're a man of taste and class and intelligence named Gudda Gudda, so I can tell you're already clearly well beyond criticism, so I think I'll just skip this verse entirely.

Lloyd: My room is the g-spot
Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock

Todd (VO): I...I still can't get over this.

Todd: The foundation of this entire song is a line so corny, you'd think you were listening to country music.

Clip of Brad Paisley performing "Ticks"
Brad: I'd like to check you for ticks
Lloyd: I can make your bedrock
Nicki Minaj: Okay I get it let me think I guess it's my turn
Maybe it's time to put this pussy on your side burns

Todd: Well, isn't this nice? I did not know that one of the Rugrats could rap.

Clip from Rugrats
Angelica: If you have to ask, you'll never know.

Todd (VO): This girl sounds like Betty Boop on helium. It's really annoying.

Nicki: He say Nicki don't stop you the bestest
And I just be coming off the top, asbestos

Todd: Okay, this needs to be addressed right now. I don't know if this is new or what, but I've been noticing it a lot lately, especially from the Lil Wayne camp. Look.

Lil Wayne: ...but I love to watch her leave
But I keep her runnin' back and forth ...soccer team
("LIKE A" stamped over)

Todd (VO): FORGET A COUPLE WORDS?!?!

Todd: These guys do it all the time. The words and ideas don't flow into each other, they just pile up in this free-association train wreck. Lil Wayne is basically the rap version of a raving insane homeless person; and that's not me saying that, that's his fans saying that, that's what they like about him. But the weirdest example of this comes from [clears his throat] Gudda Gudda.

Gudda Gudda: And I got her...grocery bag

Todd can't say a thing

Gudda Gudda: ...ocery bag

Todd: I've listened to this one line over and over again, trying to make sense of this. At one point, I hunted down the unedited version to see if maybe they took out some words. And it turns out they did.

Gudda Gudda: And I got her, nigga...grocery bag

Todd: I...I got nothing.

Drake: I'm at the W but I can't meet you in the lobby

Todd (VO): Well now up to bat is Drake, who I actually like. Let's see Drake do his magic.

Drake: I love your sushi roll, hotter than wasabi
I race for your love, shake and bake, Ricky Bobby

Todd: Oh...Drake...buddy.

Todd (VO): Talladega Nights reference?

Todd: Nothing sexier than comparing yourself to Will Ferrell.

Clip from Talladega Nights
Ricky Bobby: Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish god! Help me, Tom Cruise!

Todd: Seriously, "shake and bake"? I couldn't even remember what that meant. I mean, that just hits the sweet spot where it's too obscure for people to know what you're referencing, but it's not obscure enough that you get hipster points for it. It's like referencing [poster of...] The Love Guru.

Todd (VO): I will say this—Drake does recover.

Drake: Oh that was your girl, I thought I recognized her

(*DING* Only decent line in the song.)

Todd: And that's more than I can say for the next guy, who I think has the worst part of an already awful song.

Tyga: She like tannin', I like stayin' in
She watchin' that oxygen, I'm watchin' ESPN
But when that show ends, she all in my skin lotion

Todd: Wow. You'll get right down to the lovemaking...

Todd (VO): ...after you're both done watching TV.

Todd: What were you going for there?! That's not sexy, and it's not romantic! No one wants to hear the stupid little details of your domestic life!

Video of Flight of the Conchords - "Business Time"
Jemaine: Then in the bathroom brushing our teeth
That's all part of it, that's foreplay
Then you go sort out the recycling, which isn't part of the foreplay, but it's still very important
Jae Millz: She ain't got a man

Todd (VO): The last guy on the track isn't even worth mentioning, although I do notice that he's repeating cliches from earlier in the song.

Jae Millz: ...who knew she know she bad
Gudda Gudda: ...she know she bad
Nicki: ...bad
Lil Wayne: Michael Jackson bad

Todd: And that raises the question—how am I supposed to tell these guys apart?

Todd (VO): These new guys are all BOR-ING! The one girl on the track can probably get more girls than these guys!

Lloyd: My room is the g-spot
Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock

Todd: Flintstones, [clip of Chris Brown ft. Lil Wayne and Swiss Beatz - "I Can Transform Ya"] Transformers...Lil Wayne just hates my childhood memories.

Lloyd: ...oh baby, I be stuck to you

Todd (VO): You know, I've been focusing on how much the chorus sucks, I forgot to mention the singer. I don't know who this Lloyd guy is, but he sucks! I mean, listen to this reedy little nobody!

Lloyd: I can make your bedrock
I can make your bedrock girl

Todd: Hey, Gudda Gudda, how would you describe this guy?

Gudda Gudda: No Stevie Wonder

Todd: Right on! Yeah, I'll say it, this is the stupidest song I've heard in quite some time. Once again, my faith in pop music has been destroyed, which means that once again, it's time to kill myself. And I know just how to do it too. [Reaches down and pulls out...] Grocery bag!

Lloyd: oh baby
I be stuck to you like glue baby
Wanna spend it all on you baby
My room is the g-spot
Call me Mr. Flintstone
I can make your bedrock

During this, Todd covers his head with the bag and breathes deep until he falls out of his chair to the floor.

Lloyd: I-I can make your...
Jae Millz: Bed rock


Closing tag song: Bellamy Brothers - "If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me"

THE END
"Bedrock" is owned by Young Money Entertainment
This video is owned by me

Nicki chuckles

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