(The Channel Awesome presents logo is shown and clips from the movie plays.)
ERod (vo): In shepherds we shall be, for thee my lord for thee, power hath descended from thy hand, so our feet shall swiftly carry out thy command, and flow a river forth the deed, and teeming with souls it ever be. Greeting fanboys and fangirls, I'm ERod and I'm the Blockbuster Buster. The Holiday season is yet again upon us and it is once again time for me to do some positive reviews. Now, ever since I've started doing honest reviews, everybody and their mom have been hounding me to do a review of -
(The title screen for the movie is shown.)
ERod (vo): Boondock Saints II: All Saint's Day.
(More clips from the movie play.)
ERod (vo): On a sultry Saturday in September, the Saints saved 17 souls. Say that 10 times fast. I can not put into words just how much I was looking forward to seeing this movie. But, I can definitely express that I felt the same amount of disappointment when I found out that it was getting a limited release. And that they were not bringing it to theaters in my town. Fortunately, thanks to a website in which you can log on to demand the movie be brought to your town, Boondock Saints 2 played at my local AMC 2 weeks after its release. And let me tell you, seeing the Boondock Saints up on the big screen, packed in a theatre full of Boondock Saints fans is among the greatest experiences of my life.
ERod (vo): After 8 years of living in hiding, Connor and Murphy are called back into action when they receive the disturbing news that there's a Saints copycat killer on the loose. And that he is targeting Catholic priests. And what do the boys intend to do about this?
(Murphy throws two coins on the table as Il Duce and Sibeal looks on.)
Connor: Every last motherfucker that had anything to do with it.
ERod (vo): Fucking A! And if that's not enough for you, there is a running subplot which details the origins of Il Duce and his rise as the baddest motherfucker in the land.
(Il Duce aims a pistol at a villain while the villain aims his pistol at Il Duce.)
Il Duce: Daddy's work.
ERod (vo): Like its predecessor, this installment is riddled with awesome characters. And that is without taking into account that all the awesome characters from the original came back, including Rocco, in a couple of fantasy cameos that are so awesome they -
Rocco: Give me a hard one.
(A record scratch is heard.)
ERod (vo): Whoah, Roc, what the hell dude. They're good but they're not that good.
Murphy: Yeah, goes without saying.
ERod (vo): I have to give an honorable mention to the Saints' new sidekick, Romeo, played by Clifton Collins, Jr. Equal parts badass and smartass.
(The Saints and Romeo are in Romeo's car.)
Connor: I thought you said your car was inconspicuous.
Romeo: Yeah. Well, I don't like words with "spit" right in the middle.
Erod (vo): Another big honorable mention goes to Agent Smecker protégé, Special Agent Eunice Bloom, played by Julie Benz. Now, a lot of people like to complain about her taking Willem Dafo's place and some even feel that the movie suffers for it. Now, I do agree that no one could ever take Willem Dafoe's place and while I do miss his presence in the movie, I am not complaining. And I'm not just saying that because she's drop dead gorgeous or because she just happens to be one of my all-time favorite actors. No. To put it plainly, Eunice kicks ass.
Gorgeous George: YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!! (He runs strait to Eunice only to stop because she's aiming a gun at him.) Whoah, whoah, whoah. (He says that about 7 times)
Eunice: What the fuck did you just say to me?
ERod (vo): She's as tough as the Saints, twice as smart and she doesn't take shit from anybody cause -
Eunice: I'm so fucking smart that I make smart people feel like they're retarded.
ERod (vo): You tell them honey. But if I have to pick one character to be my favorite, it's got to be Gorgeous George. Gorgeous George is a low-leval goon for Concezio Yakavetta's organization. Strangely enough, even though he doesn't show up until mid-way through the movie, it feels like Gorgeous was always there. Now one could look at Gorgeous as a pathetic bottom feeder but the coolest aspect about Gorgeous is that he has no idea that he's uncool which is a level of confidence which we should all aspire to.
Gorgeous George: European cut. Far superior.
ERod (vo): Once again, the one-liners are aplenty.
(Clip set in a bar.)
Murphy: That is if you boys can still get your Irish on.
Guy at bar: Hey, I got balls for days paly.
(Clip with the Saints' in an elevator.)
Murphy: You ready for the shit, my dear brother.
Connor: (Loads his gun and cracks his neck.) Let's do some gratuitous violence.
(Clip in an imagination scene.)
Rocco: Duke fucking Wayne.
The Saints: DUKE FUCKING WAYNE!!
ERod (vo): But my favorite line goes to Gorgeous George as he expresses his fear of imminent death.
Gorgeous George: I just shit my European cut spedos.
ERod (vo): Yes, he is that honest.
ERod (vo): Like in the original, this one is chunk full of awesome action sequences, fight scenes and Troy Duffy's trademark crime scene re-constructions. Now, we've already seen the Saints' through the eyes of the Police and with our own eyes, but in this movie, we get to see a point-of-view we haven't seen before. We get to see the Saints through their own proud confident eyes and let me tell you, it's pretty damn hilarious. Hell, I was laughing so hard during this scene, that my ribs hurt for weeks.
ERod (vo): This movies receives heavy criticism for not being as crude and down-to-earth as the original and to that, I have to say this. For me personally, this was the last movie I was really exited about that actually delivered. These movies are 8 years apart. Obviously, Troy Duffy's style has changed over the intervening time. Not to mention, he had better resources going into this one. To complain that the two movies don't match perfectly sounds like nitpicking to me. Another big complaint is that the movie ends in a cliffhanger and that it makes the movie looks like its sequel-begging. And what the hell is wrong with that? I would love to see at least one more Boondock Saints movie. Hell, I've even heard that Troy Duffy is lobbying to adapt the franchise into an HBO series. Whatever he decides to do, he has my full support. (The Badass-a-tude Meter pops up.) 10 points on the Badass-a-tude Meter. If you love the original and you're hungry for more, check it out. In nomine Patris et Filii et Spiritus Sancti Amen.