(Clips of various comic book movies are shown.)
ERod (vo): Greeting fanboys and fangirls, I'm ERod and I'm the Blockbuster Buster. Let's face it, we live in a golden age of awesome comic book movies but not too long ago, that was most certainly not the case. I know that the original Superman and Batman movies have a very strong fan following but they just never appealed to me. In fact, before Blade, there was only one comic book movie that I thought was truly awesome.
(The title of the movie is shown.)
ERod (vo): The Crow
(Clips from the movie starts playing.)
ERod (vo): Now, before I get going, I want to go ahead and clarify that I will not be discussing Brandon Lee's death. Yes, it was tragic and I mean no disrespect to him or his family. But, I find that when people talk about this movie, they obsess over this poor man's death and forget about the awesome movie that he left behind. So, I will not be exploring the interguces of his passing. Instead, I plan to celebrate the man's life and what I believe to be the greatest work of his career
ERod (vo): Based on the pulp black-and-white comic book by James O'Barr, The Crow is a paranormal revenge story that follows the tragedy of Eric Draven. An underground rock star that is brutally murdered along with his fiancé on Devil's night. The following year, Draven is resurrected as a spirit of vengeance. The Crow. To seek out and take revenge on the men who killed him and the woman that he loved.
ERod (vo): I've said it before and I'll say it again, Brandon Lee kicks ass in this movie. The Crow is insipid, twisted and weird.
The Crow: Suddenly, I heard a tapping, as if someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
ERod (vo): Why wouldn't he be crazy? He watched his fiancé die and then he was resurrected by a magical bird to be the ultimate goth superhero. It's a wonder he retained any of his sanity. Ernie Hudson (as usual) is great as Sgt. Albrecht who is the Commissioner Gordon to Crow's Batman. And their banter is simply hilarious.
The Crow: You shouldn't smoke these. They'll kill you.
ERod (vo): Now I'll go ahead and admit it, during my preteen years, I had a bit of a crush on Sara. The Crow's kid sidekick. What can I say, she's an independent skateboarding chick and I have always had a thing for older women. Sadly, when Rochelle Davis quit acting after this film, some say it was due to the impact of Brandon's death but we will never know for sure unless she grants an interview. Old School comic book cool. Tony Todd is also in the film as the villainous Grange. What else can I say about Tony, the man is smoother then a crocodile's belly. But my favorite character is Michael Wincott as Top Doller. This is the guy that I picture when I think of The Devil. He is pure decadence and vanity personified, Evil incarnate in really cool cloths.
(Top Dollar's goons aim at The Crow while he sits on a table.)
Top Dollar: So you're him, huh? The Avenger. The Killer Of Killers. Nice outfit. Not sure about the face though.
ERod (vo): My favorite line in this movie just happens to be one of my all time favorite movie lines of all time.
The Crow: This is not a good day to be a bad guy, huh Skank?
ERod (vo): No, it is not.
ERod (vo): This movie is just littered with awesome scenes with beautiful dark gothic scenery. But my favorite scene is on The Crow's first night out when he visits Gideon's pawn shop to get his beloved Shelly's engagement ring back. He is just torment the shit out of Gideon for making a profit from the misery and misfortune of others. And believe me, the little slimeball deserves it. And as usual, The Crow dispatches him in his unusual and poetic way.
The Crow: (He says this as he throws engagement rings at Gideon.) Each one of these is a life. A life you helped destroy. (He then loads some rings into his gun. As he later leaves the pawn shop, he stops and says.) Is that gasoline I smell?
Gideon: No man. No.
(Gideon runs as The Crow leaves the building, aims the gun and fires thus destroying the shop and killing Gideon.)
ERod (vo): Now that's what I call a shotgun wedding. FYI, this scene has a little cameo by Crow creator James O'Barr. (Cameo is shown as he comes out of the building with something he stole.) Whoah Whoah Whoah. There he goes. There he goes. RUN JAMES, RUN!
ERod (vo): Seeing this film was an eye-opener for me as I finally saw that comic book movies didn't have to be corny, creepy or childish. This is a tragic tale of a man seeking to right a wrong that was done to him by truly threatening evil people who I guarantee you will pursue villainy nevermore. (The Badass-a-tude Meter pops up.) 10 points on the Badass-a-tude meter. Grab a friend and check it out.