Doug: All right, this is the list you guys have been waiting for. These are the Top 10 cliches that drive me crazy. Now, I know there's a lot of cliches that people like. I like, too, and we like seeing them over and over. These are the ones that I personally can't stand seeing. A lot of people do lists about cliches, and I'm not saying these are the worst cliches. These are just the ones that I hate, that I personally despise, I feel they ruin a movie. A lot of these films would be fine if they didn't have these in there. A lot of them keep using all these cliches in one. So, why waste any time? Let's talk about the Top 10 Cliches That I Hate.


Doug (vo): Number 10 -- Calling Women Girls.

[Images of various women in movies are shown]

Doug (vo): We've seen this in Blues Brothers, Ghostbusters, Red Sonja, Superman II.

Doug: To me, 'girl' is like birth to high school. College, maybe, you know, a lot of them look like a lot younger, so I can understand. When you''re a woman, okay? When you got ta-tas, nice big ta-tas, you are a woman. If you're gonna go out there, you're gonna save the day, you're gonna be strong and, you know, all this stuff, you're not a girl anymore, okay? You're a woman. And I know the idea that a lot of people like to think you know "Oh, a girl is younger, and you know..." Fuck that shit! If you're gonna be a main character, if you're gonna be, you know, going out there, doing it with the guys and stuff like that, you're a woman. Okay? Girls, you know, I think of, like I said, high school or playing on playgrounds or something like that. And for me, it's hard for me to take a character seriously when they keep calling what is obviously a grown woman a girl. Actually, the biggest cases for me I think of are in Space Mutiny where they actually make fun of that. Because the woman is like...

(Screenshot from Space Mutiny is shown)

Doug (vo): I don't know, in her eighties or something like that and they keep calling her 'girl'.

Doug: And then I think in Plan 9 From Outer Space, these are both Mystery Science Theaters, they keep calling this character 'girl'.

(Screenshot from Plan 9 is shown)

Doug (vo): And it's so obvious she's in like her forties or fifties. So...

Doug: I guess that's more of a pet peeve. But it's a pet peeve that really bothers me. Uh, the other cliches are probably gonna be a lot more obvious so uh, but yeah. That one always gets to me.


Doug (vo): Number 9 -- The Shakey Cam.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): We've seen this in Transformers, in Batman Begins, in Batman Forever, in God knows how many Jerry Bruckheimer productions.

Doug: What's the point? Now here's the thing, if you want it to look realistic, a little shaking is okay. When somebody's running, the camera shakes a little bit. But, nobody runs like this! (Flails his arms around in an over-the-top fashion to illustrate his point, causing his hat to fall off)  'Cause that's what you see half the time. (Puts his hat back on) You just see a person, I mean, the person must be going through a seizure when they're running, or filming this. I mean this is, I think of like in The Rock, there's a scene where like, Sean Connery is just talking, uh, in the car, and literally the camera is zooming in and out. Or what the hell's that new one? Um... it's the Denzel Washington train movie. I... cannot forge- Unstoppable!

(Corresponding poster is shown)

Doug (vo): Unstoppable! EVERY! SHOT!

Doug: In this movie zooms in, zooms out, zooms in, zooms out! I... it was on a plane when I was flying once and the sound wasn't even on. And it was annoying the shit out of me! This camera would not stand the fuck still! It was going zoom in! Zoom out! Zoom in! Zoom out! And if- if you really just want to see an experiment that doesn't work, see that movie, 'cause all it is is zooming in and out. I mean, what person does that? How does that make it more realistic? Do you ever have a conversation with someone just going (quickly leans forward and backward a few times) No you don't! It's crazy! So, I think a lot of people hate the shaky cam. I think we're sick of it. We like to see the action, and anyone can do this. (briefly waves his hands in front of the camera) So, please, please, people out there, a little bit is okay, maybe make it realistic, but, just keep it still, man. Keep it still.


Doug (vo): Number 8 -- Sucky Credits.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): Again, we've seen this in Batman Forever, we've seen it in Liar Liar, we've seen it in Mrs. Doubtfire.

Doug: We see it in movies that just don't care how they start. They're just like "Oh, we don't care. They're just credits. Roll it." And that pisses me off, because that is the perfect moment to suck people in. Give them an idea of what kind of world you're gonna see. You know, play some music, let the musicians really span their, you know, their talents. Really try to get people in this movie. And it's, they just started. I mean, and show nothing. It's like, people are talking, there's just little credits flashing at the bottom. It's like a TV Show. TV Show, I understand, you have to get the show going, you only have a certain amount of time. With movies, it's a movie! And people used to get really creative with credits. They would have these big opening productions, they would have animations, they'd have uh, all sorts of little atmospheric things that they would do. Now, which I don't mind, they're starting to do it at the end of movies, like with 300 they did that. Uh, I think uh, some of the Mummy movies are doing that. Uh, those are terrible movies by the way, but I digress. Um, so more and more people are doing sort of these big collages and stuff at the end, which technically is more clever, because, you're looking back at the good scenes from the movie while the credits are rolling. So that's kinda clever. Um, but I like 'em at the beginning. Like, I think of Bedknobs and Broomsticks, and you know, the drawings and the music and God! That just gets you hyped up for the movie. So, credits are a great chance for people to get hyped up and really excited, and if you don't take advantage of it, man, you're a fool.


Doug (vo): Number 7 -- Relying Too Much on CGI.

Doug: And we all know the two people (that) have been doing way too much of this: (Pictures of) Lucas and Spielberg; they have been relying way too much on CGI. Now CGI can be used very well, uh, my thought is that it's very good at, making things disappear or, creating worlds or creating atmosphere. Good examples uh...

Doug (vo): ...(Poster for) Sin City, that uh, (Poster for 2003 Peter Pan) that last, film version of Peter Pan or um...

Doug: ...actually even some of the backgrounds in the new Star Wars movies...

(Images of a city in one of the Star Wars Prequels)

Doug (vo): ...look very nice. But...

Doug: ...when, you have to get close ups, when we have to see people there, uh use actual people, use actual things; get the puppets back, get the animatronics, I know it's cheaper but, we know it's not there. Sometimes you can't help it, uh, Transformers; I get, ya have to use the CGI, I understand that. But, for things like, Indiana Jones, what's the best scene in the last Indiana Jones movies, when they were having the chase with the motorcycle. Why, (grits teeth) cuz it was actually happening! It was really there! Um, another example that just...

(Poster for The Polar Express)

Doug (vo): ...the, Robert Zemeckis thing like, this is all he's doing now is making these CGI movies.

Doug: And, at first I was kinda intrigued; I was really sorta blown away by the technology. But, by the time we got to Mars Needs Moms...

(Poster for said movie)

Doug (vo): ...which, thank God bombed, and I think closed down that production.

Doug: Um - I'm sorry people lost their jobs (laughs) - but I, I mean just for the sake of art, uh, that was done that was it because, here's the thing; they try so hard to get people to look, realistic you know, Jim Carrey (in) A Christmas Carol:...

(Poster for said movie)

Doug (vo): ...yeah, you can make his nose long, yeah, it's sorta looks like he's really there.

Doug: Here's a crazy idea: Why not really put him there?! Why not just, have an actor there?! If your gonna go animation, do animation! Y'know make it so that, the eyes can get big or you know someone's jaw can go (simulates jaw dropping) uuuhhh!, you know, or whatever, let the animator, express himself, let animators do what they're supposed to do. With this, you're restricted and I saw this, really in the previews with Mars Needs Moms; you got all these weird visuals going on, and these dull human faces. On these CG puppet bodies and that's what they look like, they don't look alive, they look like puppets. And, animation is not supposed to do that; it's supposed to make something look alive, and oddly enough, having a person in there where you put the little dots on, is too much. So, bottom Iine, I'm not against CGI, all of it, uh i-if you look at some older effects for like Ghostbusters and stuff, some of them look great, some of them, are really dated and, some CG would have helped then but, yeah we rely way too much on it we, we gotta back down man, we gotta, we gotta like do The Lord of the Rings' path where they sort of did it half-and-half. So um, yeah I-I think we really, le-le-let's get some flesh and blood back in there.


Doug (vo): Number 6 -- Overusing the Wide Angle Lens.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): You saw me just talk about this in Baby Geniuses. Danny DeVito does it a lot in his movies. Whenever a movie obviously just has no cinematic creativity, they just go to the super tight wide angle shots.

Doug: And when they first started doing it, it was interesting. We hadn't seen wide angle shots that much. But by the twentieth time we have to (leans right into the camera) see somebody like this, (leans back) it gets really annoying. And, you just want to push the screen away from you. I don't know why people rely on it so much. I guess it's because they want to look different. They want to look artsy, they want to look like "hey we're doing something that nobody else is doing!" But everybody else is doing it. So, finally, people are starting to back down a bit. But there are still some directors out there that still think they're being really innovative and avant garde by doing this. It's not. It's tiring, it's boring, I'm sick of it. Uh, wide angle is a wonderful device to use, just stop putting it (puts his hand right in front of his face) this close to a person's nose.


Doug (vo): Number 5 -- The Poetic Singer.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): This is another one I've gone on and on about. You've seen it in Avatar, you've seen it in District 9, you've seen it in Black Hawk Down, you've seen it in Gladiator.

Doug: It's when a big dramatic scene happens, where somebody dies or somebody's remembering something poetic, and you hear that singer, the singer that goes, "Ah, hey-ya, hey-ya, ya-ta-ta-ta, aaaaah." And, oh! Ear poison! It is ear poison! I can't stand it! And every time I hear it, I want to strangle the lady or man who is singing it, it's so obnoxious! I- Mmmm! I-I've talked about this one so much, I don't even want to talk about it that much, I just know whenever there's a pretentious way, If you WANT a movie, to be pretentious, it's just like, Boom! Pretentious! There's no turning back. You get that singer. You get that son of a-daughter of-bitch-person because, that person is a pain. I'm sure, he or she is making great money or it's a couple people doing it, I don't know, but, Shut that person up. Stop using him- her- it.


Doug (vo): Number 4 -- The Whimsical, Innocent, Rebellious, Poet.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): At least half of Robin Williams' movies are this.

Doug: The meek, kind of quirky person who has a heart of gold, but screws up sometimes, but, gosh darn it, he's trying. This has probably come from the 90's Disney films with like Ariel and Belle, and Aladdin and all these characters that dream of more, and want so much more, but they're just so quirky, uh, and in Disney films, that like- they work okay, but but even that's getting overused, uh, in romantic comedies, there's always the woman, and Julia Roberts' movies where, Yeah, she screws up sometimes, she does the wrong thing, but you know what, gosh darn it, she cares! And, uh, the person going up against THE MAN, the big establishment, the rebel, you know, and the-the big bad people who put him down, just because he wanted to dream! And we don't understand! And, you see this with a lot of, uh... movies about, you know, people with special needs and stuff, which you know, I'm not saying, you know, that they don't need special needs, I'm not saying that it's that this has just been done so many times, and it hasn't been done... in... a new way or a way that makes you care, it's a way we've seen a bajillion other times, and I'm just so sick of the stuffy, you know, nnnngh, person who just waves the finger and says, "You don't get it, you don't understand!" and the young rebel says, "Yes, I do, and I'm gonna show you when they go all determine that, yeah, thay make some mistakes, but they come through and wear on there side!" Fuckin' hate those people, Fuckin' hate those movies, Fuckin' hate that cliche. Fuckin' hate it. (Pause) I'm very angry in this video.


Doug (vo): Number 3 -- The Misunderstanding.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): Again, a lot of romances use this. You get this in Shrek, you get this in The Wedding Singer, you get it in 40 Days (and) 40 Nights.

Doug: It's that scene where that couple, you know, that's been fighting throughout the entire movie trying to prove to you that, "No, they're not gonna fall in love". And then, there's that chance, "Maybe they will." And then, the misunderstanding that has them go to their corners, think they hate each other, and they just mope. They do nothing but mope. And it's so boring! We've seen it so many times, again. And they play the pop song. They play the guitar song. And... you just... want... to... Grrh! It's not a cliche I'm very fond of because it's supposed to be the area where it creates drama. This is the drama now. And "what's gonna happen?". We know what's gonna happen. We know exactly what's gonna happen. One of them's gonna realize they were an idiot, or they're both idiots, Moulin Rouge was guilty of this, too. Um, and at some point they're going to take a chance, and even though logically it makes no sense, they're gonna go to that person they love and they're gonna confess their love! "But wait, time's running out! Oh, we'd better hurry! (wags finger) If only that misunderstanding didn't happen!" We don't need those misunderstandings. Just show a couple in love. Just show real problems that happen. You know, I think that's what bothers me about these cliches, is that if they happened more in real life, maybe they would work. But they don't. They're so contrived. And this is one that always gets to me and just every time it happens it just, it just halts the movie. It just stops it. And... (clears throat). You sorta get that in Avatar, also. With uh, they're trying to tell them that you know "The big bad humans are coming!" "Oh really? Aren't you the big bad humans" "Oh, well..." And they don't listen. That's the other thing that falls under there. They don't listen. It's one side not listening to the other, and just be "We know what we're doing! Go in there!" So, it's sort of a mix between the misunderstanding and the not listening. Uh, that really gets to me. It's so tired. I'm so tired...


Doug (vo): Number 2 -- The Liar Revealed.

Doug: This is also everywhere.

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): You see it in A Bug's Life, you see it in Rango, you see it in Wedding Crashers.

Doug: It's when a character lies about who he or she really is, which...that's not bad, because that creates comedy, or that creates something interesting, someone who's acting like something they're usually not. That's fine, I have no problem with that, because you can get very creative with that. It's when the people find out who the person really is. Chicken Run did this, too. This is a big thing in kids' films, I realize. Um, they find out who the person really is, and because of that, they don't trust him, they're just like, "Get out of here! We don't need you anymore!" And the person feels bad and walks away sad. Again, kills the movie for, like, 10, 20 minutes. It just stops. And you just get moping. I'm sick of moping when it's not needed! If it's for a good reason, that's great. But when it's not, it's so obnoxious. Um, and, they usually go, and again, they realize something. "Wait a minute! I might not really be this! But in a way, I am! I'm going back there to save the day!" And they usually have to convince the person of something, you know, which usually takes a while. So, that really gets me 'cause again, and I hate it when a movie starts off that way, with a character lying. And everybody believes it, 'cause you know it's gonna lead to that. And even though some of the stuff going on may be funny or just constantly going... (facepalms) you know, just get to that scene, already, 'cause I don't want to go through it, I just want to get it over with as fast as possible. So, now there's two movies that did variations on that that were very, very good. One was (The) King's Speech...

(Corresponding poster is shown)

Doug (vo): Which, I don't want to give too much away, but one character finds out something about the other character...

Doug: And you think "Okay, now they're gonna leave each other. Now they're gonna..." whatever. And.. they just realize "Who gives a shit?" and they keep going. That was great! That was... and that was a great testament to, you know, the film and the friendship and all that stuff. More of that please, that was wonderful! Um, and then another scene that did something very similar was in...

(Poster for Bowfinger is shown)

Doug (vo): Bowfinger. Uh, but there's a scene where uh, Heather Graham which, Steve Martin slept with, sleeps with Eddie Murphy.

Doug: Calls her and says "We can't be going out anymore." She says "Why?" He says "You slept with another man." She said "So?" He says "I never though of that." and they stay together! Hilarious! That's great writing! Just wait to, you know, say, "Hey, you know this thing that we give you every single fucking movie? We're not gonna do that! We're gonna turn it into a big joke!" And yeah, it makes the character look a little selfish, but he was selfish already. So, that's great. I love it when people take these stupid cliches and they do something different with it. Um, so yeah, that, like I said, when a movie starts with that, I get so annoyed, because I know what's coming, I know it's gonna drag, so please stop that. Get new stories. it can be about a liar, just stop having that moment where it kills the movie for that couple of minutes.


Doug (vo): And the Number 1 Cliche that drives me totally insane is...The Bully.

Doug: God, where do I start with this?

[Posters and images of various movies are shown]

Doug (vo): It, Let Me In, Wedding Crashers, every Adam Sandler movie.

Doug: These are the bullies that...are not interesting, they're not fun, they're not developed, they're not funny. They're just there as a tool. They're just a tool to get the plot going in the direction to... you know, fill all the other cliches that we just talked about. These are literally the guys that make pretty much every other cliche I just talked about happen. Uh, I, again, I wouldn't mind if they made them funny. A good example is in Happy Gilmore.

(Corresponding poster is shown)

Doug (vo): That bad guy was funny!

Doug: There was a scene where he's like "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast." And he's like "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?" And he's "" That's funny! If you make 'em stupid, that's funny! If you make them almost aware of it, like actually Jack Black in some of these movies, like NeverEnding Story III and uh, Airborne. He's actually kinda funny, because he knows he's a stereotype, he knows he's a character, and he has fun with it. Nelson! That's a great bully!

(Picture of Nelson from The Simpsons is shown)

Doug (vo): Again, he's aware that he's this stereotype...

Doug: And they poke fun with it. They make that he's having fun. These bad guys never look like they're having fun. They never look like they're interesting. You don't want to know about them. They're just a plot device. And... and they don't say funny things, they don't do interesting things, they're not complex. Villains are very interesting characters, you know, like the Disney Villains. Yeah, a lot of them don't have much motivation, but they're so charming, and they're so delicious and they're enjoying what they're doing. The main villain from, um... Inglourious Basterds - not Hitler - the other guy.

(Picture of said character)

Doug (vo): You know, the guy who, you know, is always smiling and always so happy!

Doug: GOD, was he evil! But he was having so much fun! Uh, Alex from A Clockwork Orange...

(Picture of said character)

Doug (vo): One of the worst people on the earth. And, he's our hero...

Doug: ...and we sympathize with him because he's just so damn fascinating, and he has this lust for life. So... you know... again, I don't mind villains in movies, just do them well. Don't make them just bullies. Don't make them these cardboard cutouts that are just there to be jerks. They have NO backstory. This is... this is the element I see ruining a lot of movies so much. Is just the bully, because all the other cliches spawn from that. And, like, I was just watching the other day, I was watching Kiki's Delivery Service.

(Corresponding poster is shown)

Doug (vo): That's a Miyazaki film. It's an awesome film.

Doug: You know what happens in that movie? A witch goes to a town. And... she just lives her life. You know what? That's pretty fucking interesting! It didn't need a bully! You didn't need a misunderstanding! You didn't need, you know, this kooky romance, well there was sort of a romance. But it worked, 'cause they were kids. That's how kids really act. And, oh! I think if there's anything I'm trying to get across with this video to... none of the filmmakers who are watching this, but just film in general is that you don't always need to rely on these uh, storied cliches. Just let a movie play out. Just show us a life, you know, show us something that somebody has to do. Show, uh, what the hell was that... movie everybody hated, I thought was kinda good? Marley & Me!

(Corresponding poster is shown)

Doug (vo): I know it sounds stupid, but I liked that movie, because...

Doug: Hey, here's a couple, they get a dog, and... here's their life. You know what? That's interesting! It was a big hit, because they didn't need all those other stupid friggin' cliches! You know, it's just here's a life! "It was a life!" I'm sorry. So... (sighs) well, I really ranted a lot in this, so (laughs) sorry, I guess I really wanted to get these cliches out. A lot of people don't seem to see these cliches as much. Or they don't point 'em out, they point out more obvious ones. So, um, hopefully these cliches will just, get less and less as more people wake up and they stop seeing films that are having these cliches. Uh, sometimes you can work around them. Like I said, I like Wedding Crashers despite those horrible cliches. And, there's other movies that I like. They're just so tiring to me, and I'm just so done with them. I don't know if you feel the same. Um, maybe you can list some other cliches that just drive you nuts. Ones that people don't seem to notice for some reason. Uh, 'cause there's obviously a lot out there, these are just the ones that really get under my skin. So, uh, guys, I hope you enjoyed my ranting, I know a lot of people really like to hear what I hate in a movie. Proabably more than what I like. So, I hope you had a lot of fun, um... (takes a breath) I'm gonna take a big... great big breath, because, I'm running out of air, 'cause I was getting so angry there. So, um... yeah. Guys, thanks so much. See ya around.

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