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God. Jesus. Christ. Mary. Joseph. Lord. Heaven. Help us.

(singing)

Doug is such a crappy show I hate so much.

Boring characters, stories, writing, and such.

Why did they have to name him that anyway?

(Stops singing)

I mean you really could have called him anything.

You could have called him Joe or something.

I mean it didn’t have to be Doug, you know.

There’s only a handful of people named Doug!

You know what, they’re scarred for life now all because of this damn show!

So many people come up to you and say, “Oh, hey, Doug! Where’s Patty Mayonnaise?”

Yeah, I’ve never heard that one before you bunch of Hitlers!

You’re a bunch of Hitlers! I hate you all!

I HATE YOU! YOU RUINED MY LIFE!

GOD!!! I WANNA KILL YOU ALL, YOU BASTARDS!!! (cries)

(Sniffs) Okay, that was a little harsh.

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