And now Chester A. Bum would wish to respond to the controversial joke that was made in last week's "Family Guy" episode.
(looks serious) I am not angry. I am just...disappointed. There is a joke that many of you have heard on "Family Guy" last week. A joke that most likely the majority of you just...sort of missed, didn't think at all about. But some of us found very, very offensive! Certain political figures have gotten in on this controversy. They found it immoral and not funny.
There is no doubt it is tearing this country apart. Where do we draw the line in bad taste?
(nods) That's right. ..."Family Guy" stole my Star Trek joke! Here's the review that I did of Star Trek the movie!
(Clip plays of the "Star Trek" review with caption "First aired: May 08, 2009" ending with the "Live long and suck it!" punchline.)
Now here's the episode of "Family Guy" that was aired several months later!
(Clip plays of the "Family Guy" ep with caption "First aired: February 14, 2010." Spock runs around saying "You can suck it!" before ending with "Live long and suck it!")
(Chester stares at the camera) ...Shocking! Absolutely shocking! I mean, I can understand you stealing material from "The Simpsons" - that's a very popular show! But ME? I'm a BUM! I slept in a pencil sharpener last night!
Have you no decency? Have you no shame?!
This joke has gotten so many people upset that certain polimaticians have already voiced their opinion!
In fact, Sarah Palin went on "The O'Reilly Factor" this week! This is what she had to say about it!
Palin: This world is full of cruel, cold-hearted people who would do such a thing.
O'Reilly: This guy McFarlane who did this is a hater, makes a lot of money for Fox, but I think there should be some standards.
Palin: When is enough enough?
Chester: You said it, Sarah Palin! I don't care if you hate the media even though you try to use it to your advantage every second that you can!
This is an outrage!
Because of this, I have decided to hire an attorney!
That's right! I hired an attorney!
He has decided to work for free because he has wanted to go after Fox for a while!
(gestures offscreen) This is my attorney Lance Suckvenom (Rob comes in dressed in a suit) and he has quite a few things to say to the Fox network.
Mr. Suckvenom, the Fox corporation thinks that they have done absolutely nothing i-llegal. What do you say about that?
Lance: Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37-B of the United States Copyright Act of 1976, signed by them, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void IF, (holds up page) and you can read it in this photostatic copy, "I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, etc etc., facts, mentus, incedium, voyet cultum, etc etc., mema, beast, boonitar, dala cultum!" It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! YOu stole Fizzy Lifting drinks. You-
Chester: (interrupts) Ah, no no no. Actually, they stole a joke. (points at page)
Lance: Oh. Ah, I mean, you stole this man's joke! You bumped into his comedic derriere, which has to be sterilized and washed! So, you get nothing! Good day, sir!
Chester: Well, that all sounds very impressive!
Lance: Yes! But nowhere near as impressive as our settlement will be. For if the courts rule in our favor, and they will, then we shall receive (reads page) a BOX! (Chester nods in agreement) ...Wait, what? That's it? All of this legal posturing for...a box?
Chester: Ah, no no no no no. (points at page) A furnished box.
Lance: ...I'm outta here. (walks off)
Chester: No, wait! This affects us all! What about your legal prostamatution?!
Lance: Good day, sir!
Chester: But wait!
Lance: I said good DAY! (Punching noise is heard. Chester lurches back holding his nose.)
Chester: ...Well, um, I guess I'm going to be looking for another new attorney, so all I have to say to you people at "Family Guy" is... You really know who I am? That's so cool! You watch me all the time? I just, I feel so honored! I mean, I-I... I will have my box!
This is Chester A. Bum saying JUSTICE?! Ya got justice?! Aw, c'mon, help a guy out, will you?! C'mon, justice!