All of these are performed by VincentEL
Shortened Version[]
Welcome to atop the fourth wall,
where bad comics burn.
Linkara's gonna teach you all
a lesson you won't learn.
Brodsky, you're not the smartest.
Liefeld, you're not an artist.
Anyone who's had a bad comic published,
It could be your turn.
Linkara!
He is a man! Punch! Wears a purdy hat!
Linkara!
He has a magic gun! Where'd he purchase that?
Linkara!
Coins, robots, amazons and trucks!
Linkara!
THIS COMIC SUCKS!
LINKARA!
Full Lyrics[]
Vincent E. L. - Atop the 4th Wall (Full Gunslinger Theme) WITH LYRICS!
Welcome to atop the fourth wall,
where bad comics burn.
Linkara's gonna teach you all
A lesson you won't learn.
Brodsky, you're not the smartest.
Liefeld, you're not an artist.
Anyone who's had a bad comic published,
It could be your turn.
Linkara!
He is a man! Punch! Wears a purdy hat!
Linkara!
He has a magic gun! Where'd he purchase that?
Linkara!
Coins, robots, amazons and trucks!
Linkara!
THIS COMIC SUCKS!
Linkara sits down nonetheless
And forces himself through it.
A poorly written, ugly mess,
But someone's gotta do it.
And it's right about time he did.
They made watchmen without the slimy squid!
And he'll have you know that that's pretty low,
But not quite like the standards of the 90's Kid.
Setting ablaze crossovers, one-shots and tie-ins,
Linkara stands, in reality-defiance,
Atop the Fourth Wall, looking down on us all.
"Of course! Don't you know anything about science?!"
There would be better books on his show,
But Quesada sold 'em to Mephisto,
And now there's nothing left to do
But share the scrapings at the bottom of the barrel with you.
Linkara!
He is a man! Punch! What's that on his arm?
Linkara!
Can't seem to fix the continuity alarm.
Linkara!
Rock 'n' roll, Insano, some feller in a tux?
Linkara!
THIS COMIC SUCKS!
LINKARA!
Atop the Lightbulb[]
(as first seem in Forget About It - Top 10 TGWTG Reviewers )
Welcome to Atop a Lightbulb,
Where bad lamps burn-out.
Linkara's gonna teach you all,
A couple things about.
Light bulbs, that catch fire.
Lamp shades, that also catch fire.
If you don't like lamps, you're a liar,
And you can get the fuck out.
Linkara!
He's on a lamp! But! Wears a lampshade!
Linkara!
He has a magic lamp! Where is it made?
Linkara!
Wire, plugs, that's a shandaler!
Linkara!
NO COMICS HERE!
LINKARA!
Christmas Theme[]
(the regular theme mixed with "Jingle Bells")
Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall,
Where Yuletide candles burn
Linkara's gonna give you all
A present you've not earned
Doug Moench, he's not the brightest
Frank Miller, you're off the Nice List
If you're a comic writer who misuses a license,
Your gift will be returned!
Digging through the shelves,
For the kind of comic books
That would turn Santa's elves
Into common crooks
He reads them and he weeps,
While down the chimney creeps
Bill Jemas with a Marville trade
To watch him when he sleeps!
Linkara!
He builds a snowman! Punch! Now it has a hole!
Linkara!
Eight maids-a-milking and a Youngblood Troll
Linkara!
Only one Dickens homage away from going chestnuts!
Linkara!
This Christmas comic sucks!
Closing Theme[]
(performed by Soren Beck, first heard at the end of Top 15 Worst Moments of Countdown, but not officially used until late 2012)
I'm sitting on my couch reviewing comics.
The worst ones that you will ever see.
It's said that comic books are for geeks.
But they're not, they're for everybody!
Linkara!
Linkara!
If you doubt that I am a man...
I... am... a man!