March 1st, 2011
NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don’t have to. Let’s talk about "Inspector Gadget".
(Footage from the show plays with the original theme song)
NC (voiceover): It was a show in the 1980s about a half-human, half-robot detective.
(A poster of "RoboCop" shows up, then cuts back to the show)
NC (voiceover): Uh, no. This one was funny.
(A poster of Robocop 3 shows up)
NC (voiceover): INTENTIONALLY FUNNY! (back to show) It’s centered around the inspector’s bumbling antics to stop the super villain named Dr. Claw, while Gadget’s young niece, Penny, and a dog named Brain, would go behind his back and solve the crime for him. It wasn’t anything special, but, for kids, it wasn’t that bad. It had a smart, humble role model, who never got the credit, but was just happy to see justice done; it had a menacing villain you never saw who had a pretty intimidating voice...
Dr. Claw: Well, well, what a delightful surprise.
NC (voiceover): ...and of course, it had that KICK ASS song.
Singers: (as we see the show's Gadgetmobile transform) Go, Gadget, go!
NC: Doing a movie on this premise, however, would be tricky, but not impossible. Great care would have to be taken. Let’s see, um... I KNOW! let’s get that idiot who said "that’s a lot of fish" from "Godzilla". (Matthew Broderick from the same movie is shown) And while we’re at it, why don’t we get that moron who ruined Madonna’s career?
(A picture of Guy Ritchie is shown with the text "Guy Ritchie?")
NC: No, the other one.
(A picture of Rupert Everett is shown with the text bearing his name)
NC: There ya go! And finally, let’s get one of the greatest directors of all time, the one who directed the coming-of-age classic, (poster of...) "Cool As Ice" (David Kellogg). (in sarcastic, high-pitched voice) I smell genius!
(The title card for the "Inspector Gadget" is shown, followed by footage of the movie; all this is played over "I’ll Be Your Everything" by Youngstown)
NC (voiceover): As if that trio of idiots wasn’t enough, this movie has horrible writing, terrible jokes, and follows the show about as closely as... well... (picture of...) CASTING JOHN LEGUIZAMO AS LUIGI! I mean, it’s BAD. This shit is really, REALLY bad.
NC: (while throwing his arms up and slamming them down onto the desk) So Go-Go Gadget fuck-a-movie, because we’re in for quite an experience. This is "Inspector Gadget".
(The opening plays with the show's theme, recomposed in the film by John Debney)
NC (voiceover): So as the film begins, I have to admit it is pretty cool hearing the theme song in a motion picture.
Singers: Inspector Gadget.
NC (voiceover): But that quickly changes when we see the cockface himself, Matthew Broderick.
Woman #1: Good morning, Officer Brown.
John Brown (Matthew Broderick): Morning.
Man #1: Officer Brown, how do you do?
NC (voiceover): Gah, he hasn’t even said anything and already I hate him.
(A bus is driving non-stop as its brakes are out; the passengers are heard screaming)
NC (voiceover): We see this annoying dream sequence where he (Brown) saves a bus of kids from danger, when we suddenly cut to Cliché #5621: Thinking you’re kissing a woman when really you’re kissing an animal. Go-go Gadget rehash.
Brown: (as Brain is licking him on the lips) Brain?
(Penny's laughter heard in the background, followed by wah-wah music and NC doing the shoulder shrug)
Penny (Michelle Trachtenberg): Having another hero-cop dream, Uncle John?
NC (voiceover): By the way, this is Penny, everybody. Yeah, they couldn’t even get a blond girl to play the part.
Brown: They said two years as a security guard isn’t enough experience to be a cop.
Penny: Uncle John, I’m sorry.
NC (voiceover): And of course, just like in the show, her parents are...
(Cut to scene from "Batman", when Bruce Wayne’s parents are murdered in front of his eyes. Penny's face is superimposed over Young Bruce's face)
NC (voiceover): ...not around.
(Back to the film)
NC (voiceover): And thus, Uncle Gadget - known right now as Uncle Brown - is left alone to take care of her.
(Cut to Brain)
NC (voiceover): This is Brain, who looks nothing like the cartoon, doesn’t talk, so let’s move on.
Penny: It’s not the badge, it’s the heart behind it. (gives Uncle Brown a hug) I’m very proud of you.
(The scene then segues with a wire frame of a robotic leg)
NC (voiceover): (surprised noises) The hell was that? What? Nothing? Anyone? W-we’re not going to address that? Okay, uh, we’ll just come back to that later. We see a scientist (Artemis Bradford), played by Odo from "[Star Trek] Deep Space Nine" (Rene Auberjonois) and his daughter, Brenda (Joely Fisher), as they’re trying to work on a new invention that could control robotic limbs by the power of the mind.
Brenda: Tap your foot again.
(Artemis taps his foot, but the robotic foot doesn't respond)
Brenda: W-What were you thinking about?
Artemis Bradford: I was thinking about how much you remind me of your mother.
Brenda: That’s it! It’s animated by will, not by thought. By your heart, not your head.
NC (voiceover): Oh, I see. So it’s LOVE that fuels scientific-mental, animatronic limb repair! Oh, and this just in: believing in fairies can regenerate dead tissue back to life, as well.
(Brenda and Artemis happily cheer as the robotic foot successfully responds. The scene then segues with a graphing of the extending Gadget leg)
NC: (more surprised noises): OKAY! TIME OUT! What the hell is that?! Why are there suddenly random things popping up in the segues?
(A small montage of the film’s segues are shown)
NC: Unless... those are the segues?
(More segues are shown)
NC: Okay, Film 101, guys. (whimsical music begins to play) When you do a transition, you want something that actually... transitions, not... INCREDIBLY DISTRACTS FROM EVERYTHING.
NC (voiceover): Y’see, guys, when you do something this annoying and this distracting, it doesn’t add to the style, it just takes away from the story... what little there is.
NC: I mean, if you’re going to go that far, why not just go all the way? Why don’t you do THIS?
(End of previous scene repeats; the film's segue is now replaced by a parody of the ones from "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery". NOTE: These segues will replace the film's segues for the remainder of the review.)
NC (voiceover): So Brown, it turns out, is a security guard at the Doctor’s place, and often makes chit-chat with the Doctor’s daughter, Brenda. But little do they know that the EEEEVIL Dr. Claw (known in this film as Sanford Scolex; played by Rupert Everett) is watching, and ready to steal the robotic foot for his own diabolical needs. Maybe he’s hoping to start an animatronic kickball team.
(Scolex’s van crashes through a wall)
NC (voiceover): He zaps the Doctor, I think--it’s shot and edited by a monkey--, and Brenda comes across the lab and sees what happened.
Brown: Dr. Bradford, I won’t rest until I find whoever’s responsible. Justice will be served.
NC (as Brown): Look at that. I almost pulled out of my wide-eyed blandness and delivered an actual, human emotion, BUT I pulled back into the blandness just in time (small chuckle) Oh, uh; that was too much emotion, I, ahem... (quietly) Just in time.
NC (voiceover, in same tone): So Brown goes after the bad guys, to see if he can make justice prevail.
(Brown chases after Scolex in his undercover police car. Scolex looks back at him through the back window, his face fully revealed)
Scolex: (sarcastically) Oh, no. We’re being chased by the Hatchback Squad.
NC (voiceover): Um, were you meaning to keep Dr. Claw in the shadows? ‘Cause you are aware you’re revealing him quite clearly right now.
(Scolex presses a button marked "Motor Oil", making oil spill from underneath the limo and cover the ground. Brown's car crashes as a result of the oil and flips over. Cut to Scolex, who's back in the shadows)
NC (voiceover): Now he’s back in the shadows again. ARE WE JUST SUPPOSED TO FORGET YOU REVEALED HIM RIGHT THERE?! I mean, we saw it! There’s no surprise now! We know what he looks like! Why put him back in the shadows if you just SHOWED his face? I mean, it’s sort of like starting of the original Star Wars movie with...
(Scene from the original "Star Wars" movie)
Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher): The Imperial Senate will not distil for this. When they hear you’ve attacked a diplomatic...
Vader (dubbed by NC): Don’t talk back to me, young lady. That is no way to speak to your father. (beat) Oh, shit. Um, you’re not supposed to know that yet. Um, just forget that part, everybody. Totally not important. (laughs nervously) Uh, Carrie, help.
Princess Leia: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Vader: Good, good! Go with that! TAKE HER AWAY! (walks away as Storm Troopers take Leia away) Dodged... a... bullet.
(Back to the film. Text reads “FYI - I didn’t put in this sound effect coming up...” A few moments later, a billboard saying “Do you YAHOO!?” falls over and lands on Claw’s vehicle, as the jingle plays)
NC (in tune with the "Yahoo!" jingle): Prooooooduct whores!
NC (voiceover): So Dr. Claw finally reveals himself... again... and uses an explosive to blow him (Brown) up.
Scolex: (lights an explosive) Remember, smoking KILLS! (laughs evilly as throws the explosive at Brown. Brown’s car blows up)
NC (voiceover): By the way, did I mention that in the cartoon that Dr. Claw NEVER REVEALS HIMSELF? And even if he did, would this be at ALL what you imagined he’d look like?
NC (as Person A): I imagine he looks like a monster!
NC (as Person B): I imagine he looks like a machine!
NC (as Person C, with effeminate voice): I imagine he looks like that gay guy from My Best Friend’s Wedding.
(Person A and B look at Person C with horror and disgust)
NC (as Person C): No one else?
(Brown is now in the hospital bed, in a full body cast)
NC (voiceover): So the explosion leaves Brown about as broken as his acting. Brenda makes a plea that he always thinks with his heart, so he’d be perfect for their weird-ass little robot operation. Thus, all the doctors come together to put Mr. Brown back together.
(Montage of doctors operating on Brown with music containing samples of the original theme song)
NC: What? Were they loading him with cartoon sound effects?
Doctors (in unison): Ready, and, BREAK!
Another parody segue
NC (voiceover): We see that Dr. Claw actually HAS a claw now, so he decides to give himself that name. Yeah, I forgot to mention; his name wasn’t actually Claw this whole time; it was Sanford Scolex.
Scolex (now will be referred to as Dr. Claw): Just Claw, one word... like Madonna (OH HO, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, MOVIE).
NC (voiceover): So, just to recap; Dr. Claw isn’t called Dr. Claw, he doesn’t own a terrorist organization called MAD, he sounds less like a monster and more like a fashion critic, and the fact that you never see in the show is being replaced with SEEING HIM ALL THE TIME! I mean, WOW; did they get ONE thing right? Why did you change so much? Were you afraid that if you stuck too closely to the cartoon that it wouldn’t be taken as seriously?
NC: Need I remind you this movie has scenes like this?
Cuts to a later scene where Gadget is inflated and bouncing around a bridge with wacky sound effects added
NC: Yeah; wouldn’t want it to face that!
NC (voiceover): So Brown wakes and finds that his entire body is laced with - and let’s be fair here - mostly pointless shit.
Brown’s fingers pop off as random stuff comes out of it, with Brown himself looking amazed
Brown (now will be referred to as Gadget): What the...?
NC (voiceover): Yeah, you’ll never know when you might need a balloon... or bubbles.
Cuts to previous video of “The Return of the Nostalgic Commercials,” with the Bubble Thing ad
NC (voiceover and slightly faded): FUCKING BUBBLES!
Cuts back to the movie, where a rocket shoots out of Gadget’s shoe and flies through the hospital.
NC (voiceover): Yeah; thank god there’s no security guards looking after this walking, human atom bomb. Just let him press the nuclear button; he’ll be fine.
Gadget runs into Brenda
Brenda: Mr. Brown; you’ve just come out of a very long recovery. You are now a sophisticated network of tissue, hardware, and software.
Gadget: [extreme close up] Nooooo! I gotta get out of here. Teeth clatter with really cheesy sound effect to boot.
NC (voiceover): My god, is he bad! I’m sorry, this guy’s a marvel; truly a gift to bad acting. It’s like, he never knows which delivery to give, so he sorta stops halfway and decides to maybe go with another one... maybe!
Gadget: Nooooo! I gotta get out of here. Teeth clatter with really cheesy sound effect to boot.
NC (as Gadget): Nooooo!? I gotta get out of here. Teeth clatter, and gives a thumbs-up with a fake smile
As Gadget and Brenda are talking, annoying sound effects are heard in the background
Brenda: I know that this is all new for you, a-and it must... feel strange.
NC (voiceover): By the way, you hear those really annoying sound effects that won’t shut the fuck up? Yeah, get used to that, people; it’s all throughout the movie! It’s like he swallowed [picture of...] Gerald McBoing Boing or something.
NC (voiceover): So Brenda explains to him exactly how he functions and how they’ll be able to keep him alive.
Brenda: It’s a high-powered, processor chip, that increases the charge in the human brainwave enough to move the machinery that’s now built into your body.
NC: But we still can’t make you act.
Brenda: Without this chip, your body couldn’t possibly function. Any more questions?
Brenda: Then I will just give you your manual to study.
Brenda bends over to grab the manual, as Gadget looks at her behind, making a monkey-screeching sound effect as he does it. Closes his mouth to stop it, alerting Brenda.
NC (voiceover): Heart of gold, everybody. He’s so innocent that he actually makes monkey sounds whenever he sees a woman’s behind. Go Go Gadget Hard-On.
NC (voiceover): She continues to show him how his junk works, and, oddly enough, that’s not as disturbing as it sounds, and Brown tries to get the hang of it.
Brenda: There are two guys trying to rob a jewellery store, and you wanted to trip ‘em up. What would you do?
Light bulb built into Gadget’s head and emerged from his hat lights up, with a DING sound
Gadget: Go Go Gadget Oil Slick.
Buzz sound effect, as a hose emerges from his coat and begins to spray blue toothpaste everywhere, including on Brenda and Gadget himself
Brenda: THAT’S NOT OIL; IT’S TOOTHPASTE!
NC (voiceover): Okay; WHY would anyone put that much toothpaste inside of him? I mean, how many emergencies require toothpaste... and why a hose? Is there really a situation where you need to shoot toothpaste from a hose? And why did it come out when he said “oil slick?”
NC: AND WHY THE FUCK CAN WE SEE DR. CLAW!? I’m sorry; I’m still on that!
NC (voiceover): So he’s introduced to his new set of wheels, a convertible.
Cuts to previous video of commercials again, this time with the Barbie commercial
Back to the movie
NC (voiceover): And just to ante up the annoyance in this film, they’re proud enough to have the car voiced by D.L. Hughley... oh; what a delight.
Gadget Mobile (D.L. Hughley): Goooood morning, Riverton! HEY; who’s in the car? I work alone!
Car switches to auto, and drives off with Gadget still in the driver's seat
Gadget Mobile: I’ma crime fighting machine, watch this! LEFT TURN! Speed limits are for cars, NOT the Gadget Mobile!
NC: Guess it could be worse; they could be having Chris Tucker doing the voice of the car.
Scene of Gadget Mobile driving around Riverton
Gadget Mobile (dubbed by NC impersonating Chris Tucker): GADGET LOOK OUT! LOOK OUT GADGET! OH MY GOD LOOK OUT WHEN MAKING A LEFT TURN; LEFT TURN, GADGET! HEY, DON’T YOU TOUCH MY RADIO; DON’T YOU EVER TOUCH A BLACK CAR’S RADIO, BOY! LOOK OUT! CARTOON SOUND EFFECT! SOUND EFFECT GO! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! (unintelligible noises).
Gadget Mobile (normal voice): Who’s not wearing a seatbelt? Gotta wear those belts, baby; it’s a Disney movie!
NC (voiceover): Oh, now did’ja see that? A subtle, little wink to the audience to show that IT’S AWARE it’s a Disney movie. Hahaha... and, of course, when I say a “subtle, little wink,” I mean a “fatal stabbing to the eye with A FUCKING SALAD FORK!”
Gadget Mobile: *What makes you think* a rookie is good enough for Dr. B?
*Unknown what says here, so it’s an assumption of what he says*
Gadget: Not that it’s any of your business, but what makes you think I was putting the moves on Dr. Bradford?
Thought bubble emerges from Gadget’s head
NC (voiceover): The hell- are we in his mind now? Why are in his mind? (Thought bubble disappears. Alright, now we’re back in the car.)
Gadget Mobile: Ahahaha!
Another thought bubble emerges from Gadget’s head, continuing the thought from before
NC (voiceover): Alright, now we’re back in his mind? Hey, I got an idea; instead of showing those extra scenes you shot for the movie but had nowhere else to put them, why don’t you focus on something useful, like, I don’t know, getting us to THE FUCKING END CREDITS!
Gadget Mobile halts
Gadget Mobile: Yo, Clouseau; 9 o’clock!
NC (voiceover): So they come across a couple of criminals trying to steal a car, but Brown of course thinks they locked themselves out, and actually helps them to steal it.
Gadget: Here; this oughta do it.
Unlocks the car with a lock pick built into his left index finger
Criminal A: (nervous laugh) thanks.
NC (voiceover): Truly they made the right choice in making him the world’s first super cop. Imagine all those intelligent, hard-working officers putting their lives at risk that DON’T deserve such incredible powers. Pph, what a bunch of HACKS!
Gadget Mobile reels a strip of sirens atop his front window, alerting the criminals to run away
Gadget: Hey, what’s the big idea?
Gadget Mobile: Open your eyes; we got us a couple of jail breakers.
Gadget: Well then we should inform the prison gua---WAIT A MINUTE!
Launches off ground with springy shoes
NC (voiceover): By the way, just another pain to bring up in this movie, the editing is TERRIBLE. I mean AWFUL! Some of the worst I’ve ever seen. Like, watch this shot.
Scene of Criminal B running in warehouse, cutting to a close up extremely quick
NC: Did’ja see that? How short was that?
NC (voiceover): One one-thousan--IT WASN’T EVEN HALF A SECOND! What is the point of putting that shot in if you can barely see it? Was there a subliminal message that was trying to be snuck through?
NC: Actually, slow it down; let’s take a look.
Repeat of that short scene at an extremely slow speed, as text slowly appears and disappears reading, “Matthew Broderick Really IS a Robot!”
NC (voiceover): HA! I KNEW IT!
Criminal A trips and falls
NC (voiceover): So they catch the bad guys, and Brown is claimed a hero! Later that night, he’s invited to some sort of celebration of the new technology.
Brenda approaches Gadget, and taps him on the back, with a gratuitous doorbell sound effect playing as she does
Brenda: ‘Scuse me.
NC: I’ll get it.
Leaves the room to go answer his door, only to bolt back after finding out the source of the doorbell
NC: WAS THAT ANOTHER SOUND EFFECT!?!?!?
NC (voiceover): I mean, REALLY!? You gotta put sound effects in even when someone’s getting tapped on the shoulder? What does it add? How does it tell the story any better?
NC: Hell, maybe they’re onto something. Maybe Silence of the Lambs would’ve been a lot more dramatic if they added sound effects.
Cut to scene from The Silence of the Lambs, with Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins) and Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster) talking. While this is going on, very distracting sound effects play in the background
Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins): What became of your lamb, Clarice?
Clarice Starling (Jodie Foster): They killed him.
Hannibal: You still wake up sometimes, don’t you? Wake up in the dark and hear the screaming of the lambs? Baaing heard upon mention of lambs.
Hannibal: Thank you, Clarice. Ssssssssss. Noises of someone taking a crap are heard upon Hannibal’s relief.
Back to Inspector Gadget
NC (voiceover): So Claw is impressed with Brenda’s work, and offers her a job to work with him, but Gadget doesn’t trust him, and, apparently, doesn’t recognize him seeing how he clearly saw him blow up his car. So he sets up a listening device that will no doubt led to more irresistible zaniness.
Said zaniness occurs, as the ear flies back to Gadget, spinning his head around and people get surprised from it, afterwards Gadget readjusts his head.
NC (voiceover): Y’know, I think I figured out the formula for this movie. It took me a while, but I think I’ve got it down: Poorly edited slapstick, followed by weird wide-angle shot of some guy going “HUUH!?”, and Matthew Broderick looking like an idiot.
NC: Yeah; let’s try it. Let’s see if that works.
Scene with Gadget dreaming about saving the bus
NC (voiceover): Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot.
Scene with Gadget in the Gadget Mobile dodging a guy in a zamboni as the Gadget Mobile rises upwards to do so
NC (voiceover): Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot.
Scene with Gadget and his ear spinning his head around
NC (voiceover): Slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot. Well, you can’t fault a formula when it works... except when it doesn’t work, and it’s annoying as FUCK! Fuck is said with a stress in NC’s voice here.
Gadget: When do I get started on my big case?
Dramatic music plays
Chief Quimby (Dabney Coleman): Oh ho, soon enough, Gadget. I have a few assignments to, uh... cut your teeth on first.
People continue to take pictures of Gadget and the Riverton police force
Another parody segue, the last one in the review
NC (voiceover): So Brown gets his nickname, Inspector Gadget, but still wants to get closer to finding out who killed Brenda’s father. He takes a look at the only clue from the scene of the crime, and sees a small “SI” imprinted on it.
In Gadget Mobile with Penny, Brain, Gadget; song playing is “All Star” by Smash Mouth
Gadget: But what else can “SI” stand for? Space Invaders?
Gadget: Scuba Instructor?
Van pulls up beside the Gadget Mobile, with the decal of Scolex Industries on it (aka SI); Penny points this out to Gadget
Penny: Ooooh, what about that?
Gadget: “Scolex Industries”
NC (voiceover): Oh, well, thank god they came across that. Lord knows it could be ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!
NC (as Gadget): “SI?” What could it mean?
NC (voiceover, as Penny): Hey, Uncle Gadget; look at that truck.
NC (as Gadget): Ah! Of course; Sports Illustrated! Picture of a yellow Sport Illustrated truck flashes up on screen. They must’ve stolen that foot for their brand-new “Foot Fetish Edition.” Away, Tucker Mobile!
NC (voiceover, as Gadget Mobile in Tucker’s voice): TUCKAAAA!!!!
NC (voiceover): But it turns out he’s right, as he finds the foot heavily protected and tries to break it out.
Gadget: (grabs robotic foot) Gotcha!
Alarms go off
NC (voiceover): And once again, the formula: slapstick, HUUH!?, idiot! Oh, did I also forget to mention an uncomfortable void of nobody laughing?
Gadget attempts to rollerblade out of facility, but crashes, and jump cuts to his body open, with Claw inspecting it
NC (voiceover): So Gadget gets caught and Claw reveals his evil plan, along with probably the worst fourth wall joke you will ever see.
Gadget: I don’t what you’re up to, Scolex, but you’ll never get away with it.
Dr. Claw: Hehehehahaha, oh how cliché, Inspector, hm. I think somebody’s been watching too many Saturday morning cartoon.
Ding sound effect, followed by everyone glaring at the camera with expectations that the audience will get the joke, which we do, but it’s terrible.
Dr. Claw: Unfortunately, Gadget...
NC (voiceover): Woooow... terrible! I mean, ungodly half-assed. No effort was put into that, at all. That has got to be the WORST fourth wall joke in a movie since...
Gadget Mobile: It’s a Disney movie!
NC: ...THAT ONE!
NC (voiceover): So Claw shows him that he’s made another Inspector Gadget, only this one’s EEEEVIL, and surprisingly an even worse performance.
Robo Gadget, also played by Matthew Broderick, seen rampaging through Riverton
NC (voiceover, as Robo Gadget): THAT’S A LOT OF FIIIIIISH!
NC (voiceover, normal voice): As he wreaks havoc on the city, Dr. Claw removes the chip that keeps Gadget alive, taking away his only means of breathing.
Dr. Claw: (evil laugh) good bye, Mr. Chip.
NC (voiceover): By the way, am I the only one that thinks Broderick dead looks exactly the same as Broderick alive?
NC: I didn’t think so.
NC (voiceover): So Penny and Brenda locate him in the junkyard, and try to see if they can bring him back to life.
Brenda: The NSA chip is gone.
Penny: Doesn’t need the chip; he’s got the heart... to do it all by himself.
NC (voiceover, as Penny): Well, bye; let me know how that all turns out.
Gadget’s gizmos slowly begin to work again, his head fixes back into place, , as small samples of the show theme begins to play, indicating that he’s alive. The Gadget Mobile notices this, too.
Penny: Uncle John?
Brenda: John, can you hear us?
Penny: He’s alive.
Brenda: You’re alive. I-It’s a miracle.
NC (voiceover): That’s right. Even though it defies everything logical and everything scientific, Inspector Gadget comes back to life simply through the will of heart.
NC: (waiting on Ma-Ti to appear) I said “simply through the will of heart.” Still waiting. “Simply through the will of heart!” ..Excuse me. Leaves the room
In another room, Ma-Ti, played by special effects editor for NC’s videos, Bhargav Dronamraju, is sitting down with a cup of coffee and a book, as classical music plays in the background
Ma-Ti (Bhargav Dronamraju): Ah, Jane Austen; you’re so frightfully witty, and ahead of your time. Takes a sip of coffee
NC enters, shaking Ma-Ti, making him spill his coffee
NC: SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY THE FUCKING LINE!
Ma-Ti: What is wrong with you?
NC: SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT RIGHT NOW!
Ma-Ti: Oh my god, it’s Inspector Gadget, for God’s sake!
NC: JUST SAY IT! SAY IT! SAY THE FUCKING LINE! SAY IT SAY IT SAY IT!
Ma-Ti: I don’t wanna say it.
NC: SAY IT! SAY IT RIGHT YOU, YOU MONKEY...
Ma-Ti: Alright, HEART!
NC runs off back to his room
Ma-Ti: Is that all I’m good for, ya freak? Places down book and slowly leaves the room as well
NC (voiceover): So the team gets together to stop Dr. Claw. First, they drop off Penny, - yeah, ‘cause it’s not like she did much in the show - and they track down Dr. Claw’s limo.
Brenda hits the brakes, launching Gadget off the Gadget Mobile, and through the back window of Dr. Claw’s limo, where Robo Gadget and Dr. Claw are sitting.
Gadget: GOTCHA! You’re under arrest for the murder of Artemis Bradford, Scolex.
Dr. Claw: God, you’re irritating.
NC: I actually think that was the critic’s quote on the DVD.
Edited picture of the Inspector Gadget DVD cover with the line as a quote credited to Roger Ebert
NC (voiceover): Huh; look at that.
Gadget punches his evil clone and hits a light, knocking him off the limo.
NC (voiceover): So the two Gadgets fall out of the car, and have a fight with each other. It’s pretty lame, and not the least bit funny, but... no, there’s no “but” after that.
Robo Gadget: We shouldn’t be fighting. We’ve got a lot in common, except I’ve got nicer teeth. I hoped that we could’ve worked together; been partners. Together, you and I could’ve ruuuuled the world.
Clip of M. Bison saying “OF COURSE!” attempting to budge into the video, but the NC slaps it away.
NC: It’s not worth it.
NC (voiceover): So he tosses the villain into the ocean right before saying...
NC: ...oh, let me guess...
NC and Gadget (in unison): You should’ve quit while you’re ahead.
Rimshot sound effect, with the NC making the motion of hitting cymbals
NC: ...and goes after Dr. Claw, who, of course, has captured Brenda.
Gadget: (flying, with a headset and speaker) YOU ARE UNDER ARREST!
Claw fires a rocket from his helicopter at Gadget, destroying Gadget’s copterhat
Dr. Claw: GO GO GO GO GADGET! AH HA! Sticks his tongue out at Gadget
NC (voiceover): Gah, I’m sorry; I still CAN’T get over how much this guy has nothing to do with Dr. Claw, the main villain of the show. He seems more like one of Dr. Claw’s HENCHMEN than he does the actual mastermind.
Dr. Claw (movie): I'M READY TO BINGE! HAHA!
Dr. Claw (cartoon): Who is that?
Dr. Claw (movie): BRING ON THE BROWNIES! HAA!
Dr. Claw (cartoon): What are you doing?
Dr. Claw (movie): (mockingly) GO GO GADGET!
Dr. Claw (cartoon): You’re supposed to be disposing of Gadget!
Dr. Claw (movie): Sit back and relax, darling! Clicks tongue and kisses the air, supposedly towards the cartoon Dr. Claw
Dr. Claw (cartoon): What? How dare you!
NC (voiceover): So as you’d imagine, Gadget gets Brenda off the helicopter and Claw ejects himself just to be caught by the car.
Dr. Claw: Arrivederci, Gadget! This is NOT goodbye. I’ll get you next time, Gadget. I’ll get you!
NC: Ah, jesus. You know, if you want a movie that’s actually more faithful to the essence of the villain, you’d be better off with this.
Cuts to scene from Liar, Liar with Cary Elwes' character.
Jerry: It’s the CLAAAAW! Haha! Oo, the Claw’s coming at ya! Oo, you’re scared of the Claw! You’re scared of the Claw!
NC (voiceover): And thus, we finally end the movie. Thank god, I don’t think I can take any more of...
In the credits, where the Inspector Gadget theme song is playing, it cuts to a scene of Robo Brenda, a robotic duplicate of Brenda, who is also played by Joely Fisher, as an aerobic teacher
Robo Brenda (Joely Fisher): And welcome to Robo Brendaerobics, where I’ll be your host, Robo Brenda. Begins to spin on the spot.
NC (voiceover): Okay, NOW it’s the end of the m...
Another scene cut in the middle of the credits, this time with the headless body of Robo Gadget covered in toothpaste running around
NC (voiceover): What...ya...but...
Scene continues for a short while, as NC look annoyed and disgusted, eventually ending
NC (voiceover): OKAY, NOOOW it’s the end of the m...
Yet another cut, this time to a Minion Recovery Group session
NC (voiceover): --OH COME ON!
Sykes (Mike Hagerty): My name is Sykes.
Minions (in unison): Hi, Sykes.
NC (voiceover): Okay, NOOOW it’s the end of the mo--
YET ANOTHER cut, this time to Penny and Brain testing out the video watches used in the show
NC (voiceover): --JEEESUS!!
Penny: It’s the coolest watch; it’s a radio, computer, even a phone. Brain, say something.
Brain, bonking his head on the table above him, speaks
Brain (voiced by the original Inspector Gadget, Don Adams): Brain is not here!
NC: (surprised at Don Adams’ cameo) Complete waste of a great talent, but, whatever, FINE; at least now it’s finally ove--
Credits disappear to show the animated Gadget Mobile head
NC (voiceover): --OH... MY... GOD!!!!
NC: This… this is beyond desperate.
NC (voiceover): You guys are really trying to get at least one laugh. Anything, any measly little piece of shit giggle you can think of. I mean, really; you’re trying everything! You’re trying every last-minute piece of shit giggle that you can get out of us. You are that needy for us to like something in this movie.
NC: [flipping the bird three times] Well, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU! DESPERATE IS THE PERFECT WORD TO DESCRIBE THIS MOVIE!!!
Footage from Inspector Gadget (1999); plays with “I’ll Be Your Everything” by Youngstown again as the NC gives his final thoughts
NC (voiceover): It throws every bottom-of-the-barrel joke, every over-used sound effect, every tired slapstick routine, and every over-the-top reaction in the sad hopes of getting a laugh... and not ONE of them works; not ONE! It’s edited horribly, it’s acted horribly, it has little to do with the show, and the stuff that it does have to do with the show, it’s a complete slap in the face. It’s just crap; total, total CRAP!
NC: And if I were you, I would go back to the video store and get your fucking money back! GO GO GADGET REFUND! [Cash register sound effect]. I'M THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC!I REMEMBER IT SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO!
[Cash register sound effect plays again, with text appearing saying “SEE? I CAN USE SOUND EFFECTS, TOO!”]
Credits sequence, with Channel Awesome logo appearing with audio quote of “It’s a Disney movie.”