Kickassia Part 2
May 18th, 2010
Kickassia Part 2: Triumph and Treacle
Spoony is standing in a room by himself, a distressed look on his face; NC enters behind him
Spoony: Is everyone preparing for battle?
NC: They are, Spoony.
Spoony: *nervous and sweating* Good.
NC: You know, Spoony, you would really help the team out if you were to…well…you know.
Spoony: *turning his head slightly, voice cracking* Summon him?
NC: It would be just this once, Spoony. Just this once and you can go back to normal.
Spoony: *turns around suddenly* NORMAL?! There’s no normal. I don’t even know what normal is any more. Every day I live with the beast raging inside of me.
NC: All you need to do is set him free and then once you have him under control-
Spoony: CONTROL?! There is no control! There is only ANARCHY! Chaos! And the world writhing in pain!
NC: But, if you would only try!
Spoony: TRY?! There is no try! *Spoony grabs NC* There is only the darkness!
NC: Give in, Spoony. Give in for me. And the team. And for me!
Spoony: *sigh* I left the madness behind me a long time ago.
Spoony turns to the curtains and looks back at NC
Spoony: You'll find none of it left here!
Spoony looks back at NC through the corner of his eye.
NC turns to walk out of the hotel room.
NC: Sometimes we all need to give in to the madness. *Spoony then looks nervous as NC walks out of the room, his eyes turning toward the camera in horror as the door shuts.*
Cut to Molossia as Baugh reads some documents and looks out the window, then is surprised to see the encroaching army all ready for battle and armed with various weapons. NC is dressed as M. Bison and turns to address the team. Baugh goes to talk to his citizens who are all reading books.
Baugh: Just a heads up, guys. Molossia might be under attack in a couple minutes or so.
Molossian citizens: Mmmhmmm...
Cut to NC Bison as he addresses the team'
NC: LordKat! Make ready the new salute for our nation! *LordKat steps up and gives everyone the bird. Everyone does the same in salute.*
Montage of people standing battle ready
NC: Alright people, this is the moment you've been waiting for! Bravery will be rewarded! Destinies will be revealed! And the honor of a new nation will be born! A nation which I will declare-KICKASSIA!
Film Brain: Symbolism!
The crowd dies down
NC: Phallus, send the signal to sound the charge!
Phelous: Okay. First of all, it's "Phelous" not "Phallus". Second, the guy's standing right there looking at you. Why don't you send the signal yourself?
NC: *chuckle* Phallus *dope slap* Just do it.
Phelous waves his finger as Paw plays his kazoo.
NC: *turns around* For all of Kickassia...CHARGE!
Everyone charges into battle as Baugh looks on. He presses buttons on his iPhone to set off a series of mines. The line holds as the group presses on! Frustrated with the continuing wave of troops, Baugh sets off more charges as they continue to strike. A bomb knocks MarzGurl down and Linkara rushes to her aid.
Linkara: MARZGURL! *runs over to her* NO! MarzGurl! You were so young and blue haired! Damn you, Molossia! *MarzGurl slowly gets up.* Damn you to hell! *MarzGurl takes off her mask.*
MarzGurl: I... I'm fine.
Linkara: Oh! God, MarzGurl! You're dead. No! You want me to tell you about Disneyland?
MarzGurl: No, seriously. I'm ok-
Linkara: There's cotton candy on the trees! You can just climb up and get one if you want!
MarzGurl: Look, I don't know who you seem to think you are. I mean I'm really-
Linkara: Take comfort in my masculine arms!
MarzGurl: *muffled* You're an idiot!
Everyone continues to charge. Cinema Snob uses a peashooter and gets part of it stuck in his throat.
NC: *quickly* Remember, pain is just God's way of telling you to try harder!
In the background, Joe fires his guns.
Cut to Baugh, stepping out of his house. He then mans a cannon as people continue to run. He shoots the cannon as LordKat, Brad and Spoony dodge. Bennett ducks behind a ludicrously small boulder, but it appears to protect him. Mickey rides Handsome Tom like a horse, who gets spooked at a cannonball that lands nearby
8 Bit Mickey: Easy boy, easy! Let's go!
Everyone continues to press on as the Bum charges in!
Bum: Raaaah! Long live Kickassia! *cannonball lands near him* Okay. I'm going.
Yanki J swings his baseball bat, deflecting a cannonball. Baugh then ducks, and runs from the assault. Everyone continues to charge. NC has everyone stop.
They try to climb over it to no avail. Joe tries to shoot it.
Angry Joe: It's no use! The bullets are just going through the holes!
NC: *turns and calls for a ladder* LADDERS! *they find the quickly summoned ladder to be too big*
Everyone then hops on a swiftly produced footstool to climb the fence and breaches Molossia!
NC: QUICKLY! To the Molossia railroad!
Everyone runs to the railroad as JewWario trips and faces a toy train.
Phelous picks up a shaken JewWario.
Phelous: It's just a toy train!
JewWario starts to cry.
Benzaie gets ready to throw Beary.
Benzaie: This is it, Beary! At least you're dying for a good cause!
Beary: It was an honor to serve you, mon ami!
Benzaie hugs Beary. Starts to throw him when the grenades goes off.
Baugh comes in, ready to face the oncoming army!
NC: DESTROY HIM!
Baugh uses his sword to teleport around the area, causing much confusion.
NC: Huh? *spots him.* HEY!
Baugh teleports again as the team tries to get to him
Baugh teleports in front of LordKat, Benzaie, Sage, Mickey and Brad and then uses his sword to slap them. He then teleports away. He then taps NC on the shoulder and punches him. NC goes to retaliate when he vanishes.
Baugh teleports in front of Lee and tries to attack him. It obviously doesn't work.
Lee: Don't get me angry! You wouldn't like me when I'm angry!
Lee gets angry and changes into 3D Lee.
Spoony: WOAH! It's 3D LEE!
Lee takes the sword with his hands and knocks it out of Baugh's hands. He then proceeds to pummel him.
Brad: H-Hey! 3D Lee is pretty awesome!
Baugh is knocked around and hits a barn.
NC: Don't make us review you!
Baugh runs off and everyone looks confused.
NC: *turns to Joe* Follow him?!
Everyone charges into the house as NC opens the door. They then encounter Fritz Von Baugh.
NC: Alright, President Baugh. Hand over Molossia and nobody gets hurt.
Fritz von Baugh: I'm not the president. I'm Fritz von Baugh, Minister of Making Things Orderly.
Brad: But, it's so obviously you.
Fritz von Baugh: Yes, I get that a lot. But, the fact is we're two totally different people.
NC: Okay, well, where is the "president"?
Fritz von Baugh: Oh. He's gone. Flew right out the door.
MarzGurl: So...You mean we won?
Fritz von Baugh: It looks that way. Yes.
Everyone cheers as Joe runs into the room where the Molossian citizens are still reading.
Joe: Molossia has been conquered! A new dawn of government is upon us! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!
Molossian citizens: Mmmhmmm...
Cut to NC facing the team.
NC: My friends, this is indeed a great day. We have given birth to a new nation!
NC: And there will be government. Rules. And a new democracy to live by!
Linkara: Why a democracy?
NC: Because I say so. And I will be your president!
NC drags Nchick over, who is drinking beer.
NC: Nostalgia Chick will be vice president!
NC: And the rest we'll figure out at another time!
Film Brain: Another time!
NC: And as my first order as your president. I shall build a table. A round table so that everyone can look at each other in the eye.
Nchick: Hmm. That's a good idea. It's like everyone's equal.
NC: Yes! And I shall be elevated above you in a rocket chair! A magnificent rocket chair so I can look down on all of you and see just how equal we all are!
Everyone groans: ...Yay...
NC: Make yourselves comfortable, everybody, for we have given birth to the greatest nation ever known! We have given birth TO KICKASSIA!