September 22, 2015
(The episode starts off with the new Channel Awesome logo, then transitions into several other Channel Awesome hosts, including Chris Stuckmann, AngryJoe, and Chester A. Bum, gushing about how good the movie was before we come to Nostalgia Critic at a canyon, his back to the camera)
NC: (narrating) My name is Critic, and my world is Mad Max. As the Internet went more batshit crazy for Fury Road, it was hard to tell who was more batshit crazy: me, or everyone else. Yes, I am the one who runs from both the fanboys and the haters. I mean, it's good. Really good. But is it the masterpiece everyone praises? Hell, I have to be careful. Even just thinking that can piss off some extreme fanboys out there--(He turns around and suddenly gets punched out) Oh, boy!
(The title card comes in slamming like a crusher. Mad Max: Epic Review. NC then wakes up with his arms tied behind him and with the same metal face mask Max wears as a blood bag. In front of him is Devil Boner and two other War Boys, called "Fan Boys" in the review, played by Greg Michaud and Trevor Mueller)
DB: What's this we hear about you hating Fury Road?
NC: I never said I hate it. I thought it was good.
All three: Good!?
DB: Don't you know on the Internet that's the same as saying it's bad?!
NC: Well, I just thought it was short on story and not very practical.
(The other three gasp)
DB: Did you hear that, Impractical Joe?
(We then come to our villain of the day, Impractical Joe, looking like Immortan Joe, and played by Rob Walker On his body are badges saying "Get Mad," "#1 Fan," and "Do you see me now Toecutter!?")
Joe: It is not about logic or necessity, but the excuse to display the amazingly action-packed awesomely awesomeness. (NC is meanwhile trying to slip out of his cuffs) We even have a station running 24-hour Mad Max imagery. (A TV is shown with pictures from the four movies) So that the people can see how superior Fury Road is.
NC: Honestly, I always thought Thunderdome was the best one.
All four: Daah!
Joe: Mediocre! Destroy him, my fanboys. Destroy all of his mediocrity!
(NC gets out of his bonds and gets his phone out showing a report)
Phone: Pitch Perfect 2 beats Mad Max...
(The gang covers their ears at that awful news, allowing NC to slip out)
Joe: Anna Kendrick is so overrated! Stop him! Nobody likes Thunderdome the best in my cave...house...thingie!
(As NC runs away, he gets the same hallucinations as Max did in that scene, starting with Auntie Entity)
Auntie: You can't beat the Fury Road, Raggedy Man.
Master Blaster: Even Master Blaster thinks it's better.
Gyro Captain: Fury Road better! Thunderdome weak! Fury Road better! Thunderdome weak!
(NC then falls off a cliff and onto the roof of a truck belonging to this review's version of Furiosa (Tamara Chambers). He gets into the car)
"Furiosa": Worst. Braces. Ever.
NC: Just drive!
"Furiosa": Says who?
NC: My foot!
(NC stamps on the gas pedal, making it speed off. Joe, Devil Boner and the Fan Boys watch the truck speed off)
Fan Boy #1: Treason! Betrayal! An enjoyer of Thunderdome!
(The three begin to walk to their vehicles)
Joe: Drive, my beloved Fan Boys. Show him a world of excess testosterone!
(Devil Boner brings out his machine gun and begins firing while yelling. Another Fan Boy begins banging on drums wildly, causing several other Fan Boys to come out. Devil Boner accidentally bumps into one Fan Boy)
DB: Ah! Watch it!
Fan Boy #2: You watch it!
(Both Devil Boner and the Fan Boy both look at each other tensely, before DB puts his hand on the Fan Boy's arm)
DB: You're with me! (They both yell as they get struck by lightning and suddenly end up appearing inside a car. Devil Boner gives the Fan Boy something) Here. Apply your never-fully-explained silver chrome.
Fan Boy: This isn't chrome! It's cake glaze!
DB: (Smiles) Oh, what a glaze! WHAT A LOVELY GLAZE! (Beat) Yeah, that's the one we're going with. Blow me.
(Devil Boner and the Fan Boy begin driving off in their car, creating a hole in the building in the process. As DB's car drives away, a large truck, driven by Joe, appears)
(Joe's truck also begins speeding off into the desert. Meanwhile, at another far away part of the desert, we cut back to NC and Furiosa's car. NC struggles to get the mask off his face)
NC: Does Tom Hardy always have to wear shit on his face?! (Takes the mask off) Fucking Fury Road!
"Furiosa": What? You didn't like it?
NC: No, I did! It was good action, it was a great rush. But why does that make a masterpiece?
"Furiosa": Oh, so you're one of those "first two films" people.
NC: Actually, I like Thunderdome the best. (Furiosa immediately stops the car and takes out a gun) Did Tina Turner's popularity drop recently?
"Furiosa": Sorry, but no one likes Thunderdome the best.
NC: What is with everybody's hatred of Thunderdome?!
"Furiosa": We'll just sit here until you take it back.
NC: (Sighs) What's your name?
NC: Curiosa, aren't you "curious" how I can like Thunderdome more than the other films, even Fury Road? Just keep driving, and I'll explain.
(NC sighs and brings out his cell phone again showing another report)
Phone: Mad Max never hit #1 at the box office.
Curiosa: Daah! Fine!
(She resumes driving. We go back to Devil Boner and the Fan Boy's car)
DB: We're running low on fuel. Boost the engine with some intense fast-motion stares!
(As rock music plays (the music that usually accompanies Devil Boner's previous appearances), Devil Boner and the Fan Boy act out some intense, crazy and wild stares, before again speeding off in their car while yelling. They speed so fast, they actually speed right past NC and Curiosa's car)
DB: Hey, wait a minute!
(NC begins his review. Instead of film clips, however, we instead get images of all the Mad Max movies, which are shown on a TV screen inside of the car. These images will be shown throughout the review instead of film clips)
NC: Okay, so we know the Mad Max movies (vo) take place in an apocalyptic future where ex-cop Max loses his family. In Fury Road, he saves the abused wives of a religious dictator who controls all the water. It also gives us, arguably, some of the best action in movie history.
NC: But does incredible action and an adrenaline rush equal a great film?
Curiosa: You do have a penis, don't you?
NC: Okay, but 96% on Rotten Tomatoes great?
Curiosa: Oh, it got 96%? That's awesome.
NC: Yeah, until you realize that according to the critics, that technically means it's better than (posters of...) Pulp Fiction, Fargo, Jurassic Park, Exorcist, Die Hard, Hunt for Red October, Terminator 2, and every Indiana Jones movie.
NC: I think people got so hyped up on the adrenaline that they forgot it's just a simple chase movie.
(Impractical Joe appears on the car's TV screen)
Joe: And what makes your precious Thunderdome less mediocre?
NC: Because the chase is only the climax.
NC (vo): The rest is character, story and unforgettable lines.
Joe: Who said the first two films didn't have memorable lines?
NC: Name one right now.
(Joe attempts to think of a line)
Joe: Oh, what a lovely...
NC: That's Fury Road.
Joe: Oh. Uh...witness me...!
NC: Fury Road.
Joe: Uh, let's see, let's see. Oh!
NC: It's Fury Road, isn't it?
Joe: (Defeated) Yes, it is.
NC: Now quote some lines from Thunderdome.
Curiosa: Oh, I know! "Raggedy Man!" "Who runs Bartertown?" "Master Blaster!" "Two men enter! One man leaves!"
NC: Exactly. You remember it more because it was more engaging.
NC (vo): It broke up the action with good writing and twists and turns.
NC: It was just better storytelling.
Curiosa: Hey, just because we don't have a lot of talking doesn't mean we're not telling our story. We're telling our story through strong visuals and through strong acting.
NC: Oh, come on. The acting's good, but...
Curiosa: Tell me what I'm thinking just by looking at my stares. (Stares out from her window with a determined look)
NC: You're on a mission and you're not gonna fail?
Curiosa: Right. And this one... (Does another stare, this time, with a nervous look)
NC: (Sighs, defeated) You're afraid what's gonna happen to those you swore to protect.
Curiosa: You got it. And this one...
(She gets out of the car without stopping, as NC struggles to control it)
(Curiosa gets down on her knees and screams in anguish)
NC: Get back here, you fucking nut!
(Curiosa gets back up and speeds back to her car, just narrowly missing a boom stick fired from Devil Boner's car)
DB: Crap! Hand me another exploding stick!
Fan Boy: We never made bazookas?
DB: Exploding stick!
Fan Boy: Aaaaahhh!! (He reaches into the back, but can't find it)
DB: Under the seat! Under the seat!
Fan Boy: Aaah, I can't find it!
DB: Look at the box that says "Sticks"!
Fan Boy: I never learned how to read!
(Curiosa now gets back into the War Rig)
NC: They're gaining on us!
Curiosa: No, I was doing "remorse".
NC: No, I mean they're gaining on us!
(They're followed not only by Joe's car, but also by another truck which has the Doof Warrior, played by Rob Scallon in the review, on it, wailing away on a guitar)
NC: What the hell is that?!
Curiosa: Oh, that's Weird Ass Guitar Guy.
NC: No, I mean, who is he? Where does he come from? Why does he have a blindfold on?
Curiosa: I don't know, I don't know, and he has so much testosterone that his eyes shoot shark-shaped explosions.
(Guitar Guy pulls his blindfold off and shoots out shark-shaped explosions in the sky)
NC: Okay, that's exactly what I'm talking about. As fucking awesome as that is, nothing about it is explained.
(Picture of the Stilt Men in the Bog)
NC (vo): Who are the people on stilts in the swamp? (Another picture of War Boys praying at an altar of steering wheels) What is the basis behind this crazy cult religion? (Pictures of the people Max hallucinates about) Who are the people he hallucinates about? His family? People he let die? Or are they just hallucinations?
NC: None of this is ever talked about.
Curiosa: It doesn't need to be talked about. Here.
(Curiosa makes a sharp turn)
NC: Will you watch the fucking road!?
Joe: Weird Ass Guitar Guy, unleash your phallic rage!
(Guitar Guy shoots off some missiles at the War Rig. Missiles with fucking T-Rex heads on them!!)
NC: Are those...dinosaur missiles?
(The missiles roar before they strike, all of them missing the War Rig. Curiosa gets out some sheets of paper while NC has to hold the wheel to keep it straight. In her hand first is a blank sheet.)
Curiosa: So a lazy film gives you a blank page we've seen a million times, and a film trying too hard (A picture of several War Boys all cluttered into the page is shown) gives you too much and you can't make it out. (This time a Connect The Dots picture of a War Boy is shown with WITNESS ME! at the top) Fury Road doesn't give you all the information, but lets you see it for what it is. It allows you to become more engaged 'cause you can connect all the dots.
NC: Like how I'm not questioning why there's fucking dinosaur missiles flying at me and it just seems like something this crazy ass world would create?
Curiosa: Exactly. Just because there's no details doesn't mean there's no answers.
(She smacks his hand away from the wheel)
NC: Ow. Speaking of answers, how the hell is he constantly missing us?
Joe: How the hell are you constantly missing them!? What are you, blind!?
Guitar Guy: ... A little bit.
Joe: Well, sniff them out and send them to Valhalla or whatever the hell we believe in.
(Suddenly, horns honking to the tune of "Call to Post" are heard as a new red car comes around)
Curiosa: Oh, crap.
NC: What is it?
Curiosa: It's more enemies to keep the energy high.
NC: Why's that bad? I thought you loved that.
Curiosa: ...they're meninists.
(Inside the meninists' car is Malcolm Ray, Jason Laws and Jim Jarosz)
Malcolm: Can you believe they gave a gun to a chick in this movie?!
Jason: Tell me about it! I'm man-tweeting right now to let the internet know my disgust!
Jim: That's a manly thing to do!
Jason: Hell, yeah!
Curiosa: They act like they're being discriminated when a woman wants to do something that a man does.
NC: We had that. It was called the '40s.
Curiosa: Well, they're not very good at growing up.
(Suddenly, squeeing is heard as a car with Party Hardy written in dust comes up, making NC groan)
NC: Well, it's gotta be better than our other friends here.
Curiosa: More meninists?
NC: No...Tom Hardy fangirls.
(More squeeing is heard as we see a bumper sticker that says "I'M HARD FOR HARDY!")
NC: The women who think Tom Hardy is the second coming of Christ for some reason.
Curiosa: Really? I mean, he's a good actor, but who'd go crazy over him?
NC: Probably someone who spends their whole entire life obsessing over fanbases.
(Coming onto the screen now is a very familiar girl in an orange sweater: Hyper Fangirl. Two other girls (Beth Elderkin and Joanna Kay) are with her in the car)
HFG: Hi, Critic!
NC: Punchline? I mean, Hyper?
HFG: I found a new calling, Critic. Converting everyone to the miracle of Tom Hardy.
Girls: Oh, praise He!
NC: Well, I'm glad you found something more sensible.
HFG: It's about time the world saw what an incredible talent he is.
NC: And you don't think any of that stems from mere physical attraction?
HFG: No, no! Since he's a feminist, it would be hypocritical to love him just for his looks.
NC: Well, Mark Ruffalo's a feminist.
NC: Patrick Stewart's a feminist.
Girl 1: Well, he's bald, and...
NC: Louis CK's a feminist.
Girl 2: He's even balder. But Tom loves dogs.
Girls: The Tom loves dogs!
(A picture of Tom Hardy with a puppy in his coat is shown)
Girl 1: Do you know how hard it is to find a man who likes dogs?
NC: Look, whatever your attraction, you can't act like Tom Hardy's one of the best things in this movie.
NC (vo): Don't get me wrong, he does a fine job. He does just as well as (Mel) Gibson. But through his minimal dialogue and mostly dubbed over lines that are strangely more obvious than when he did (picture of) Bane, he's serviceable at best.
NC: Which is really all what Max is supposed to be anyway.
HFG: But the work of his body--I mean, the body of his work!
(Now the meninists cut in)
Malcolm: Yeah, you tell those feminazis!
(NC groans and Curiosa facepalms)
Jim: Yeah, Max was barely in the film! He spend half the time letting some broad do all the fighting!
NC: So you're saying what the rest of the world sees as the manliest movie ever made, you see as being too girly?
Jason: Man, yes!
Malcolm: It's a disgrace to everything that Mad Max stands for!
NC: Well, that's interesting, 'cause there is a Mad Max movie where he appears even less in it and spends most of the time talking about his feelings.
Jason: R-really? Which one?
NC: The original, you fucking morons!
NC (vo): In proportion of the running time, Mad Max appears less onscreen in the first film than he does in Fury Road. He doesn't even do anything that's violent until the final third. On top of that, much like every George Miller film (posters of The Witches of Eastwick, Twilight Zone: The Movie, Babe: Pig in the City, and Happy Feet are shown), the least interesting character is always the main character. It's the environment that always takes center stage. Max is merely the observer. It's like saying you wanted more Alice in Alice in Wonderland. It's just not how it works.
Malcolm: Yeah, but he's working with a woman.
Jason: And even taking orders from her.
Jim: And Max never does that.
NC: Oh, you mean like in Thunderdome where he specifically goes to a woman saying, "I'm looking for a job, please give me orders"?
Jason: You actually like Thunderdome?
NC: Look, imagine for a minute that Charlize Theron's character wasn't a woman.
Jim: We're way too close-minded for that.
NC: Well, let's pretend that you pretended.
NC (vo): Max used to have friends in the police force before he went rouge, so the idea of him being to work with someone again is actually kind of uplifting for Max's character. He spends so much of the other movies just doing everything alone and to finally find someone to work by his side, you could argue gives a link back to his humanity.
NC: It actually brought something to the character that's relatively new.
Malcolm: But that doesn't coincide with the teachings of our one true leader.
Curiosa: Oh, and who is your one true leader?
(Michael Bay, played by Doug, appears on the screen)
Michael Bay: Michael Bay, the master of action here. (NC groans, as we see Bay is driving a computer-generated Lamborghini or some kind of sports car.) Now, Critic, as we all know, if you really wanted this to be a manly movie, you make it at least three more hours long. And the women should be draped across the cars, not driving them. That's like me showing female military in a movie. We all know that's never gonna happen. And I could make out way too much what was going on. Clearly the cars should've been computer-generated instead of the backgrounds. (Chuckles) You had it the other way around.
NC: I...imagine you're driving one of those computer-generated cars now, aren't you?
Bay: Well, yes, I do, but, why would you want to know that...?
(The screen cuts to Jon Bailey dressed as Optimus Prime)
Jon Bailey/Optimus Prime: Autobots, transform!
(The car Michael Bay was driving in suddenly transforms into a Transformer, knocking Bay off-screen)
Bay: (Off-screen) Oh, dear. Now I'll never see the flower show.
(The Transformer is suddenly run over by Devil Boner's car)
Fan Boy: What was that?
DB: I don't know. I have a sudden need to compensate even more. Bring me the giant swingy stick thing!
Fan Boy: I feel like our weaponry is too stick heavy.
DB: Stick me!
(The two shout at each other before DB swings over to Joe's car while shooting rapidly!)
DB: Hey, Skele-Shredder. I think I figured out a way to get on that car and blow them to smithereens!
Joe: Destroy the mediocre Critic, and his mediocre mind, and I myself will carry you to the premiere of the next Mad Max movie.
DB: Oh, you don't need to do that. I just like killing stuff.
(Joe then begins spraying glaze on DB's face, much to his annoyance)
Joe: You will walk the red carpet, sugared and glazed. Now off you go. (He pokes DB in the eyes, sending him flying into the side of the road) AGH! Grossly inadequate for the task at hand!
(Joe's truck drives off. DB then gets up in a slo-mo shot, the same way Max does after the sandstorm)
DB: They're too far gone. I guess I shouldn't have milked that slo-mo shot. But at least it gave the audience a chance to catch their breath. You good? Great. Back to the action!
(He then turns to see the meninists' car swerving to avoid him, which has "Bros B4 Hos" written on the side. He walks over to the car)
Jason: Oh, my God! Are you Devil Boner?
Jim: You're like the manliest man god of men!
DB: Yeah, I am. But who are you?
Malcolm: We're meninists. We stand up for our right to be men!
DB: Hey, now that's a cause I can get behind! (Gets into the meninists' car) Scoot over! (Sits next to Jason in the back seat) What manly things you do? Play football or you build muscle?
Jason: No! We make rant videos!
(The meninists resume driving their car)
Malcolm: I have two YouTube subscribers. Of course, it's these guys.
(And we go to a commercial. After the commercial, we go back to NC and Curiosa)
Curiosa: So, if Thunderdome's your favorite, which one's your least favorite?
NC: Well, I love them all, but to answer your question, it used to be the first one, but now with Fury Road, it might be Road Warrior.
Curiosa: Wow. Those are the two that people liked the most. I mean, the comment section is already planning your death.
(We see the comment section on YouTube with several commenters, yep, threatening death to NC)
NC: But to Fury Road's credit, it kind of changed everything.
NC (vo): Each movie had their own distinct feel. The first, a low-budget exploitation film. Thunderdome, a survival flick. And Road Warrior, a chase movie. But the problem is, Fury Road is a chase movie, too. They both focus on the action and stunts rather than twists and turns in the story. Because Fury Road is so much better, there's barely a reason to even watch Road Warrior now. It just feels like a slower version of Fury Road.
Curiosa: But it was the first one to give Mad Max its style.
NC: That is true.
NC (vo): Road Warrior's considered by many to be the first "real" Mad Max movie, in that it takes place in the desert and focuses more on the action-packed loner. The first one is a revenge story, and even then, not until the very end. Storywise and stylistically, it has the least amount to do with the others.
Curiosa: Actually, seeing as the movies are called Mad Max and he never really seems that mad, maybe all the other movies are in his head.
NC: Actually, that kind of makes sense.
HFG: (off-screen) I wrote a fan fiction about that!
(NC punches the TV screen as if to say "shut up")
NC (vo): Maybe he went nuts after his wife and kid died. In many respects, the films do kind of keep repeating themselves. There's always a tyrant, there's always a group of people he doesn't want to save but gets shoe-horned into doing so, there's often religious figures, gang culture, pigs, and old women with a shotgun, a wild kid or kids, and no place does that look anything like the first movie. They even use the same actors in different roles. (In that case, it was Hugh Keays-Byrne, who played both the main villains in the first movie and Fury Road)
NC: Truth be told, it's actually not that bad a theory.
HFG: Great! So does that mean you've accepted Hardy as your one true Max?
NC: (Sighs) I'm sorry, but I still think Thunderdome is better.
(HFG and two girls groan in disappointment)
NC: With all the other films, you knew what it was gonna be in the first few minutes. With Thunderdome, it kept you guessing. It changed up locations, it threw in new characters, and it wasn't all one big chase. (Suddenly, a person is thrown outside of the car) What the hell was that?
Curiosa: I think Impractical Joe is impractically using his impractical swinging sticks.
(Back to Joe, where he is spraying glaze on various boy's faces like a ticket vendor giving tickets to a line of people)
Joe: You will walk the red carpet, sugared and glazed. You will walk the red carpet, sugared and glazed. You will walk the red carpet, sugared and glazed.
(Various boys are thrown screaming from their swinging sticks, one of them screaming the Wilhelm Scream. The boys are thrown towards HFG's car)
Girl 2: Look! It's raining men!
Girl 1: Hallelujah!
(Cut back to Joe)
Joe: Popsicles! I'm out of Fan Boys to launch.
(He suddenly looks at Weird Ass Guitar Guy, who plays two notes on his guitar that sounds a lot like "Uh-oh". Cut to Guitar Guy being thrown straight towards NC's car)
NC: Jesus fuck!
(Curiosa dodges the flying Guitar Guy, causing him to crash into the desert ground as the car passes by him)
Guitar Guy: I'm not okay.
NC: (Sighs) Wonder if the meninists are having this much fun.
(Back to the meninists and DB. DB is frowning and rubbing his temples as the meninists talk with each other)
Jim: And how dare George Miller have all the male penguins in Happy Feet stay with the kids.
Malcolm: Yeah, while all the women penguin did all the hunting!
DB: (Annoyed that the meninists completely don't know a real-life true fact) Because that's what penguins DO!
Jason: Well, they should change that! Women ruin everything! Like in Mad Max!
DB: So, is this all you guys do? You just sit around, complain how you hate hot women and you want to see shirtless buff men?
Meninists: Man, yes!
DB: Are you guys gay? (The meninists are silent) I mean, it's fine if you are, but you clearly got some anger issues you need to address.
Malcolm: Oh, no, no. We're not anti-gay.
Jason: No, no, no. We're very fair in our hatred.
Jim: Yeah, it's just women we hate.
Malcolm: We've had hundreds of years of advantage and we're not giving it up now.
Jim and Jason: Yeah!
Jim: Now let's go watch Pain & Gain. That's a straight movie.
(Michael Bay is shown in their car's TV screen)
Bay: Ooh, I do a commentary on that!
(Cut back to Joe)
Joe: Extend the mechanical claws of grabiness! (Notices no one is on his truck with him) All right, there's nobody left, just me.
(He pushes a button, causing mechanical claws to rise out of his truck. The truck gains on NC and Curiosa's car)
NC: I'm sorry, but Fury Road is just one big chase, and I can't see what was so brilliant about that. (Notices Joe's truck gaining on them with the claws. Seeing the truck suddenly makes NC realize something he hadn't before) My God. I see now. I get it. I know why Fury Road is a brilliant film. It finally hit me! I know now, not only why it’s genius, but it’s the most ingenious out of all the Mad Max movies!
NC: Don’t you see what this is? Don’t you see what this all is?!
(We see a large shot of Joe's truck chasing NC's truck, very similar to a chase sequence in Fury Road. To answer NC's question, a familiar "Beep-Beep!" noise is heard)
Curiosa: A Road Runner cartoon? What are you talking about?
NC: The Road Runner cartoons have lasted for years.
(Images of Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, as well as more images from Fury Road, are shown as NC now goes into his final official thought)
NC (vo): With little to no dialogue, quickly identifiable characters, and nothing but chases. People see it as classic because it’s so minimal and yet so interesting. It says so much with just a few clever choices. Fury Road is the same way. Just because it’s all one big chase doesn’t mean that it isn’t smart, and it doesn’t mean that it’s not a game-changer. As much as I love Thunderdome, there are a few scenes that are kind of boring and I can skip. But with Fury Road, I can’t imagine skipping any of it. It’s all amazing to witness. From the music to the action to cutting out anything that’s simply not needed, it gets right to what people wanted to see and keeps them there throughout the entire flick. I can hardly think of any other film that did that throughout the entire thing.
NC: You were right. You have always been right. Fury Road is the better flick! (Smiles and calls out to the window) Hey! Impractical Joe! I-- (However, Joe, refusing to listen, fires a bomb at NC, who barely dodges it) I don't think he wants to listen.
Curiosa: Hang on.
(She turns the car around to face Joe's truck. Curiosa takes out her gun and fires at Joe, who barely dodges the bullets.)
Joe: AHH! OOH! HEY! CUT IT OUT!
(Then Curiosa speeds off)
Joe: No! You whore! You medioc-whore!
(He speeds off after the truck. Cut back to HFG and her friends)
HFG: Sharp turn.
(She turns her car to follow after NC's car and Joe's truck. Cut back to DB and the meninists)
Malcolm: And that's why Samus should've been a man!
(The meninists also follow after the other three cars. We go back to Joe's truck still chasing NC and Curiosa)
NC: What are you doing?
Curiosa: I have an idea.
(As the chase continues, we cut to Guitar Guy, who regains consciousness and gets back up)
Guitar Guy: I can't see a thing with this on. I'm just gonna take it off.
(Joe gains on NC and Curiosa)
Joe: I am the Redeemer! I am the Savior! I... (Before he can finish, Curiosa quickly turns to the left, revealing the Guitar Guy standing in front of Joe's truck. Weird Ass Guitar Guy takes off his blindfold, revealing bright lasers on his eyes, stunning Joe) I'm in deep shit!
(Joe's truck hits Guitar Guy, causing the truck to blow up in a nuclear explosion which kills them both. Curiosa and NC watch the explosion from afar. The mushroom cloud is shaped like a shark)
NC: Well, that's something I didn't think I would see today.
Meninists: (Off-screen) HEY!
Curiosa: (Groans) I forgot about national insecurity.
Jason: You can't have a woman do that!
Malcolm: You should've let the Critic do it!
NC: Wait. I know how to shut them the fuck up. Stop the car!
(Curiosa does so, as do the meninists and HFG)
Jim: Everybody out!
(The meninists get out of the car)
NC: Go out there.
NC: Trust me, they're meninists. Just go out there.
(Curiosa does so as the meninists prepare to face her)
Jim: Boy, we're gonna show them.
(Curiosa faces the meninists, causing them to suddenly become shy and nervous)
Curiosa: Wait. You have actually talked to a woman before, right?
(They continue making nervous sounds before smiling nervously)
Malcolm: You wanna go out?
(An annoyed DB comes out and stands next to Curiosa)
DB: Oh, thank God! If I had to listen to those pussies one more time, I was gonna shoot my balls off!
(HFG and her friends appear)
HFG: Thank God you've stopped. We really needed a pee break.
Jim: Hey, look! Devil Boner's on her side! TRAITOR!
Malcolm: You ain't no man!
DB: And you are?! Christ! If you're in the future what being a man is, slap a fucking vagina on me! I'd much rather be a badass like her (Curiosa) than whiny little bitches like you! Hey, here's a thought! If you have to complain about how someone's stealing your manhood, chances are you never had your manhood to begin with! What are you, five?! You afraid you're gonna get cooties?! And how's that working out for you, anyway? Are women just falling at your feet because you bitch and complain about them online? Real chick magnet, guys! You must get laid a lot! You know what? Keep living in your mama's basements, because the grown-ups are gonna make a more badass world, and we don't need your cry-baby tears pussing it up!
(The meninists are embarrassed at themselves as HFG and her friends look on)
Curiosa: Are you single?
DB: I could be.
(Suddenly, something appears on the TV screen)
Announcer: And now, a message from the President of the United States.
(The President, played by Malcolm, appears on the screen)
President: My fellow Americans, in light of the recent meninist movement, all female soldiers shall be immediately removed, because women shouldn't be fighters for saving men.
Malcolm: Now that's what I'm talking about!
President: Instead, all female soldiers are to be replaced with meninists.
Meninists: Yeah... (Suddenly frown when they realize what the President really meant) Huh?
President: Seeing as how they complained that only men should do the fighting, they're to take their place and be deployed immediately.
(A Fan Boy appears in a car and looks at the meninists, while wearing a hat saying "Recruiter")
Fan Boy: Guess what, guys? I just got a new job!
(The Fan Boy takes the meninists and drives off in his car to give the meninists their well-deserved comeuppance. The others continue listening to the President speak)
President: Thus, all female soldiers will be rewarded with a Tom Hardy movie marathon. (HFG and her friends squeal in delight) Who, as we all know, is a method actor.
(Hearing that realization causes HFG and her friends to groan)
Girl 1: I didn't know that.
HFG: (Notices DB) So, uh, are you a feminist?
DB: (Smiles) I'm whatever you want me to be.
(DB goes off with HFG and her friends, leaving only NC and Curiosa standing in the desert as an audience is heard applauding)
Curiosa: It's over. Everyone's cheering because we destroyed Impractical Joe and all is right in the world.
NC: (Confused) Wait, that's it? He didn't have any followers or anything like that?
NC: Oh. Well, I've learned what a phenomenal film Fury Road truly is, and that it has earned its place rightfully in film history.
(NC begins to walk away)
Curiosa: Hey, that reminds me. (NC stops to face her) What is your name, anyways?
NC: Critic. My name is Critic.
(Inspirational music plays as NC and Curiosa look at each other, but then suddenly stops)
Curiosa: Boy, that wasn't as shocking as I thought it was gonna be.
NC: Yeah, it is the title. I don't know why we thought that would be such a big deal.
Curiosa: Well, why don't you just end things in a typical Fury Road way?
NC: Oh, you mean with a visual that seems half-assed but is actually badass?
(NC nods at Curiosa as he begins to walk away. Then we finally come to the credits, which are shown in a similar style to Fury Road's end credits. At one point, the names of all the cars shown in the review are shown, with the order: Wile Rig Coyote, The Thunder Road Runner, Satan's Little Chubby, He-Van, She-Rod, and The Mother Of All Noise)
Channel Awesome Tagline: Joe: You will walk the red carpet, sugared and glazed.