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Marville #4

Marville 4 at4w

Running Time
33:20
Air Date
February 25, 2013
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Tagline
From the man that brought you Marville #1-3... more of the same but worse!
Link


(Linkara is on his futon without his coat repairing the back of Pollo's head with his sonic screwdriver.)

Linkara: If you don't stop fidgeting, we're never going to get done here.

Pollo: I'm not fidgeting. My hover-skirt is turned off.

(He puts Pollo down and looks up to the camera)

Linkara: Oh, hey everybody. Welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Needless to say, the last time we saw each other, things got a little crazy. So, I took some time off to finally finish one of Pollo's three new bodies.

Pollo: But it is not the combat one to my irritation.

Linkara: You just want to be able to shoot me whenever you want.

Pollo: And what exactly is wrong with that?

Linkara: Anyway, transfer complete. (pulls up an awesome new body of Pollo) How do you feel dude?

Pollo: It is roomier, I'll say that. It's going to take a bit of adjustment for me to get used to. (Pollo tests his arms by moving them up and down) I still don't have working arms.

Linkara: That's still gonna require more complex design work and I figured this would do in the meantime.

Pollo: You've had one job. One job. Working arms. Why is that so hard? It was even in the blueprints that I had working arms.

Linkara: I've been so busy around here I don't even what we're supposed to be reviewing this week. (pulls out a piece of paper listing the next review) Okay. Um, Marville No. 4. (Linkara realizes this and gives a disappointing look) Pollo, get the booze!

Pollo: I can't. My arms don't work.

(Opening titles play; Title card with "If You Can Only See" by Tonic.)

(Once again, like all the Marville episodes, we cut to Linkara's futon, but Linkara's not there. A bottle of alcohol is slammed on the futon, and a hungover Linkara discovers a Gosei Power Releasement Vessel Tensouder on his other hand)

Linkara: (slurring) Is this a new morpher? Whatever. (He puts the morpher down and struggles to position himself on the couch) Oh, hey everybody. Uh... give me a second here. Marville, you know. (He feels something in his coat pocket and pulls out a Dino Buckler) The hell did I get this? (He gazes again at that device) Metal.

Linkara (v/o): Let us enter the scummy diseased carcass of a comic series that is Marville. Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. I mean, for it to be a carcass, it would have had to have been alive at some point. So, I suppose you want a recap for the three issues, right?

Linkara: "But wait, Linkara! Wasn't that the hologram of you who reviewed the third issue?" (takes off his glasses and leans to the camera) (whispering) It's not that big a deal! Just relax! Or, I don't know, I review the footage of the third issue. There got that done. (He leans back to put his glasses on)

Pollo: (offscreen) It's not a big deal for you, perhaps!

Linkara: Shut up!

Linkara (v/o): Previously on the Marville reviews, Bill Jemas decided that there was too much joy in the world and thus attempted to get rid of it by creating a comic that sucks joy out of it and then incinerates it. In the future, Ted Turner and Jane Fonda decide to send their son Al back in time to save him from a catastrophe that actually wasn't a catastrophe. There, he somehow managed to get rich by stopping the same criminal over and over. He is joined by a taxi driver named Mickey and a police woman named Lucy, both of whom hang out with him for reasons that are never clear. Lots of people are being parodied, but in ways that are not very funny or just kind of confusing, all in an attempt to be a general spoof of superhero comics. However, in the third issue, that went right out the window in favor of telling its story with all the dialogue printed on the sides to make it as difficult as possible to read it. The parody was discarded in favor of a more philosophic approach and, using a time machine, Al decided to go back to creation to meet God, who is actually named Jack but he waffles whether or not he's God. During a lot of questionable science, including depicting grass in the early days of life on Earth --even though, from what we can tell, grass only evolved on Earth after the dinosaurs died out--, there was a lot of stupid debate about the nature of God, whether God really existed, and how sucky it is that molecules have to die. MOLECULES!!!

Linkara: Dear lord, just thinking about it again has caused my head to hurt. Look, people were quick to point out that plants really do constitute life-forms to a degree, and so I don't have the answers there, but MOLECULES? Really?! Tell me, do atoms and particles have feelings and I should be sad about the poor molecules that had to die every time I get a haircut?!

Linkara (v/o): So, where did that leave us? Well, with them deciding to take the time machine to Jurassic Park.

Linkara: So, you might think that was just a stupid joke... and it was, but you see, I'm not convinced that Bill Jemas knows that was such a thing as the Jurassic PERIOD. Let's dig into Marville No. 4 and I'll show you.

[...]

Linkara (v/o): Aww, it's a pity this scene doesn't make any real sense. Hey kids, it's science time! Duck-bills, or Hadrosaurids, were common in the CRETACEOUS Period, not the Jurassic. The velociraptors seen here are more in common with the ones featured in Jurassic Park movies, but sorry to tell you, those were actually inaccurate, altered to more resemble a Deinonychus. Now, it's forgivable that they don't have feathers because they didn't get proof of that until 2007, but that's not the only problem here. Both duck-bills and velociraptors did inhabit the Cretaceous Period, but Jack specifically states that they're going to the JURASSIC Age, 150 million years ago, not the 80 million years ago that the two species existed. In addition, Al stated earlier that the time machine "has not moved." They're still where the house is going to be in the present. However, unless Al, for no reason whatsoever, decided to move to freaking MONGOLIA, I don't think they're going to find any velociraptors. Why? Because velociraptors were pretty much found in ASIA. Now, Deinonychus remains have been found in the United States, but they existed in the EARLY Cretaceous Period, not the same time as velociraptors and duck-bills.

Linkara: What I'm getting at here is that for a comic that's supposed to be "smart and being all intelligent and philosophical and crap," perhaps it's not best to be schooled by a fifth grader's science project.

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