Mightily Murdered Power Ringers 1
August 22, 2011
Go Go Power Ringers! Go away and never come back.
(Open on Linkara sitting on his Futon, looking listless)
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. I think it's pretty well-established by now that I'm a Power Rangers fan. If it isn't, I LIKE POWER RANGERS!!
(Footage of the original Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is shown)
Linkara (v/o): But let's get something straight: just because I'm a fan of it doesn't mean I can't poke fun at it. Let's face it, the show is cheesy, the concept ridiculous, sometimes casting doesn't see a potential problem that they really should have, the science is ridiculous, and there's just a lot to make fun of.
(Cut to a parody video of this show: CollegeHumor's "Zordon is Racist")
Linkara (v/o): As such, I laugh at plenty of parodies of it, like CollegeHumor's Zordon is Racist sketch...
(Cut to footage of an appropriate parody on Animaniacs)
Linkara (v/o): ...or Animaniacs' sketch making fun of the fight scenes and dialogue and morality plays.
Yakko, Wakko and Dot: (in unison) Right.
Linkara (v/o): The other thing to remember about those, THEY'RE ACTUALLY FUNNY!!
Linkara: Unlike today's comic, Mightily Murdered Power Ringers. It's a black-and-white parody comic and, oh! It's been awhile since we got to enjoy a black-and-white comic on this show, hasn't it?
Linkara (v/o): And hell, what's the track record for these things? There was "Sinnamon" that bizarrely injected Mulder and Scully into the narrative along with communist rednecks. Then there was "Sultry Teenage Super-Foxes", both issues of it, that were either incredibly stupid and sexist or just boring. "Xena #1" was just violent schlock, and finally, there was "Bimbos in Time", a comic that the creator freely admitted was made with the intent to make it the worst comic ever.
Linkara: And kudos to that creator; it's a good contender for that vaunted position. And today on out 150th episode, let's meet another as we dig into Mightily Murdered Power Ringers #1.
(Opening titles; title card with "Go Green Ranger" playing)
Linkara (v/o): The cover is a generic group shot against a gradient background. I get the feeling that this was supposed to parody a group shot as well, but it's not exactly impressive. The extent of it is that one person is holding another, one guy is standing on top of yet another, and... while the Red Ringer is supposed to be standing on the pink one, it sure as hell isn't made clear.
(Open to the first page of the comic)
Linkara (v/o): We open on a splash page featuring parodies of the original six Rangers. Now, for a parody, I don't really mind them calling out stuff like "Power of Barnie!", "Power of Godzilla!", and etc. I mean, they're related to dinosaurs, giant animals, and all that stuff, but they SCREW IT UP! First, there's the Red Ringer– Oh, I'm sorry, Scarlet Ringer... Wait, what the hell is the point of that? It's not a joke, it's just calling it a different shade of red. You might as well call the Blue Ranger parody the Azure Ringer or something. Anyway, they get it wrong because the Scarlet Ringer calls on the power of Godzilla. I don't know, maybe they were thinking "Tyrannosaurus equals Godzilla", except the Green Ranger is the one with a big dragon that resembles Godzilla! Then there's the Golden Ringer. Again, what's the damn point of making it a different shade of yellow? Instead of an animal, she has the "power of positive thinking!" I don't recall Trini on the show being any more positive than the rest of the Rangers, who were already a band on non-realistic goody-goods, so why that? I just don't get the joke. Maybe if the rest of them were all wielding powers based on crap like that, with powers like healthy eating, that would be a parody, but she's the only one like that. Is it just so they could put the exposed brain on a helmet? That in itself is dumb, but fine, parody, whatever. Oh, and the Green Ringer, who they didn't even get right in that his outfit looks different! That'd be something to parody: point out how he gets the special super-duper outfit is more popular than the rest of them. But no, he just has "power of attorney!"
Linkara: Again, WHAT IS THE JOKE?!
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, the Golden Ringer spots a Putty, one of the foot soldiers that the Rangers often dealt with. And this may be a subtle bit of parody, but the Golden Ringer does seem to be drawn without breasts, acknowledging the fact that the show, since it used footage from a Japanese series, changed the gender of one of the Rangers so they could have two women on a team. Buuut, for all I know, it could just be the lazy, crappy artwork.
Golden Ringer: I tawt I taw a Putty...
Scarlet Ringer: That's silly!
Golden Ringer: No, it wasn't a Silly Putty!
Linkara: And like Silly Putty, (holds up comic) this thing is flammable. (closes book and looks at cover) Don't give me any ideas, comic; I've already gotten complaints from people about the lack of literal burning that occurs on this show!
Linkara (v/o): The Ringers yawn as more Putties attack.
Scarlet Ringer: Oh. I am so scared.
Black Ringer: I am absolutely trembling from the thought that they might defeat us... despite the fact that they haven't beaten us the last three hundred and eighty-seven times they've tried.
Linkara (v/o): Okay, above all things, I am fair, so yeah, it's good that they're parodying that fights with the Putties almost always go their way, but by that same chord, they were never afraid of them; it's just that they're enemies and they can still do damage. It has nothing to do with them being afraid of the Putties. We cut to Lord Zedd, or rather, Lord Zzzzz, or Snoring Noise or whatever, where he's watching the fight through... a crystal ball? The hell? Oh, and there's even a parody of Goldar named Goldarn... who is a dog with a Sphinx hat on his head? And the word "Bad Guy" written on his chest? They did understand what they were parodying, right? (a shot of Goldar from the original Power Rangers pops up briefly) Goldar was a flying monkey, not a dog. And why is "Bad Guy" tattooed on his chest? Is it supposed to be parodying the fact that the villains are transparently evil? Well, yeah, the show is for kids. Not every show needs to have deep, psychological issues with the villains. Sometimes, it's just fun to have cool-looking villains fight our heroes.
Lord Zzzzz: Those Power Ringers are beating my Putties again! Why aren't they terrified?
Goldarn: Maybe because nobody finds Putty scary?
Linkara: They're not supposed to be scary! Not to mention, you just made this joke on the previous page, only that was done better, since having the Rangers actually yawn during the attack imply the boring, repetitive nature of some of the fights! This is just spelling it out for idiots!
Linkara (v/o): Then again, only idiots would buy this – or people unfortunate enough to review things on the Internet. Lord Zazzle says they'll send down a monster, in this case, a giant spider with boxing gloves and... Nike shoes? The hell? Also, I freely admit to being a complete dork here, but I can't help but notice that the giant spider is in three segments, when arachnids only have two segments. It also has "Big Daddy Bug Thing" written on it.
Linkara: Oh, because the monsters in Power Rangers always had stuff written on them. (beat) No, they didn't. This is just bizarre.
Green Ringer: Ewww, a spider! Ick!
Golden Ringer: Ewwww, a spider! Ick!
Blue Ringer: Ewww, a spider! Ick!
Scarlet Ringer: Observe! An arachnid! Ick!
Linkara (v/o): Was that supposed to be a joke about Billy always speaking in technobabble on the show? Well, maybe it would be, except for the fact that the parody of the Red Ranger is the one who said it!
Linkara: Then again, maybe that's just another reason why this shouldn't have been in black and white, since the letterer can't tell the difference between shades!
Scarlet Ringer: Let's call our Zaurs!
Golden Ringer: Why don't we ever do that when the Putty's–
Linkara (v/o): Oh, wonderful, a spelling error!
(Because Poor Literacy Is... Completely Expected In This)
Golden Ringer: Why don't we ever do that when the Putty's show up? I mean, we know a monster's on the way!
Linkara: (listlessly) Because Zordon set up rules for them on the first episode, one of them being, never escalate a fight unless the enemy forces you to. Yeah, it's incredibly stupid, but there is a reason why they don't do it.
Linkara (v/o): And hell, from a practical standpoint, the Zords probably consume a lot of energy and fuel, and you shouldn't bring them out when you all have weapons that can take down a normal-sized monster easily.
Scarlet Ringer: If you're so full of questions, why don't you ask why you turn into a boy when you become a Power Ringer?
Linkara: Oh, so they did know about it; it's not because of the crappy artwork. However, the artwork is still crappy.
Linkara (v/o): And thus their Zords are released: Godzilla, Barney, that... skeleton of a dinosaur... because one of them has the power of Spielberg, which should create an ordinary cloned dinosaur, not a freakin' skeleton... a walking brain, Dino from The Flinstones, and a giant mechanical... uh... Eliot Ness?
Scarlet Ringer: Now we have to battle the monster until it is ready to defeat us, then form a super-ultracombozaur!
Golden Ringer: Isn't that inefficient?
Green Ringer: I'm with Brainy over here! To heck with tradition, let's make the super-ultrawhoozis!
Linkara: (holds up index finger) One, they actually very rarely used the individual Zords against a monster. Usually, they just form the Megazord right away. (holds up two fingers) Two, fighting them with the individual Zords is actually more efficient. You can gang up on him, and it forces him to shoot at more than one target.
Linkara (v/o): Then again, according to the opening splash page, these are "teenagers with ineptitude".
Linkara: It is... actually very rare on this show that a tagline is accurate.
Linkara (v/o): So they form it and squash the bug.
Lord Zzzzz: Those meddlesome Power Ringers have foiled me again! Why must they foil me? And why do I sound like the evil land developer on Scooby Doo?
Linkara: Yeah, because obviously Scooby-Doo is the only show to ever say their plans are foiled. And once again, I'm not sure what the heck this is parodying, because when I think of Lord Zedd getting angry that his plan failed, I think of this...
(Cut to footage of a Power Rangers episode)
Lord Zedd: (yelling at his henchmen) I didn't fail, you simpering twit! You failed! You all failed! Just like you failed before!
(Cut back to the Power Ringers comic)
Linkara (v/o): Goldarn points out they actually know who the Power Ringers are in their civilian lives and that he never told Lord Zookeeper because he never asked. As such, they will go down and deal with them in their civilian forms. Of course, anything resembling rationale in this comic needs to be counterbalanced by something stupid and pointless. Each time the panel changes, the words written on the two change for no reason.
Linkara: What is this, a frickin' political cartoon? Stop putting words on everybody's chests! It doesn't mean anything!
Linkara (v/o): The next day, Lord Sleeping Sound and Goldarn are walking around in t-shirts for New Kids on the Block and Def Cru. They find the Black Ringer and point out... say, the Black Ringer is a black guy!
Goldarn: At least it isn't as bad as the Asian Yellow Ringer.
Linkara: No! I call foul, comic! You've already established that she's called the Golden Ringer! You can't change it back because you wanna make the racism joke now!
Linkara (v/o): Oh, and once again, in the interest of fairness and all that, we do have one of the editorial cartoon chest words that actually works, where it says that he's the Black Ringer. I'm guessing this is a reference to the fact that the Rangers wear color-coordinated clothing that might as well advertise to the world that they are the Rangers.
Linkara: Or it could just be that they thought their audience was stupid and couldn't remember who the hell anybody is unless it was pointed out to them.
Linkara (v/o): So they grab him and– SWEET MERCIFUL CRAP!!! THEY JUST RIPPED HIM IN HALF!!
Goldarn: Amazing how he rips apart so easily!
Lord Zzzzz: That always happens with one-dimensional characters!
Linkara: Ha ha ha, making a joke over ripping someone in half – NOT FRICKIN' FUNNY!
Linkara (v/o): And they do it again, too! They find the Red Ringer and give him a wedgie so hard that it pops his torso off of his legs! This isn't funny, it's just frickin' sick!
Lord Zzzzz: There's the Golden Ringer.
Linkara: Oh, now it's golden again! Can you at least stay consistent with your stupidity?!
Goldarn: Let me handle this one... (sings) You've lost that lovin' feelin'...
Linkara: And... she... falls apart like a mannequin...?
Goldarn: That song always makes the girls go to pieces!
Linkara: (at a loss for words) I–I'm sorry, people, I have no jokes to tell with this! I mean, how do you make a joke out of this? It doesn't have anything to do with Power Rangers, it's not funny, and once again, it's sadistically murdering someone in a nonsensical fashion!
Linkara (v/o): Look, I admit. Maybe I'm biased here because I am a fan of Power Rangers, but is this really necessary? It just feels completely mean-spirited towards a show that's aimed for freaking kids. Yeah, even kids shows should have quality standards to them, but this isn't poking fun at the material in a subtle satire. It's not tongue-in-cheek, it's just stupid and a little gory. The jokes, the few that actually count as jokes, aren't funny. And anytime I try to give the thing a little leeway, it throws something dumber at me. Ugh! Back to the "story".
Text box: The surviving Ringers are summoned to their secret hideaway, conveniently located for skiing, shopping, and sightseeing.
Linkara: The exterior of the command center on Power Rangers is actually a place called (image of the following appears in the corner...) The House of the Book, part of a Jewish University and is often used in Hollywood because the architecture is unique and looks futuristic.
(A shot of this landmark are shown)
Linkara (v/o): It's photoshopped behind Vasquez Rocks, AKA the place where...
(A shot of the infamous battle between Captain Kirk and a Gorn on Star Trek)
Linkara (v/o): ...Kirk fought the lizard in Star Trek. YOU DO NOT SKI OR SHOP AT VASQUEZ ROCKS!!
Linkara: Though, I suppose you can sightsee there, so... I guess they got that part right.
Green Ringer: (standing strangely and gesturing toward a Zordon-like figure) Guy in a plastic tube!
Linkara: (listless) Zordon! (angrily) Come on, you couldn't even come up with a parody name for Zordon?
Linkara (v/o): And why is Tommy standing like that? Is he getting ready to dance?
(Cut to a clip from an episode of Angel)
Mother of the Vile Excrement: Numfar, do the Dance of Joy!
Green Ringer: Guy in a plastic tube, why have you called us here, and where are the other three?
Awful-9: They're in pieces!!!
Zordon: What Awful-9 means is that they're in a piece conference!
(Linkara gives an annoyed glare in response to that "pun")
Zordon: Er, a peace conference, I mean. Yeah, that's it!
(Linkara gives an even more annoyed glare trying restrain from bursting in anger; cut to another clip from Power Rangers)
Lord Zedd: I can't believe that bubblehead said that!!
Linkara (v/o): (dramatically reading the following text) TIME 4 BACKSTORY!
(Cut to footage of the second season of Power Rangers, in which, according to the papers, three local teens are chosen for a world peace summit)
Linkara (v/o): In the middle of the second season of Power Rangers, three of the actors left the show. The in-universe explanation for this was that they had been chosen to attend a peace conference. What I'm getting at here is that apparently three characters just got mutilated in order to make that pun! It's not even a "so bad it's good" pun, it's a pun that nobody would ever make – ever!
(Cut back to the Power Ringers comic)
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, Zordon says it's not a problem because they have three new teenagers and advises them to stick together to be on the safe side. The group gathers at the juice bar, but then suddenly, a giant foot slams down on them.
Linkara: (excitedly) Oh, my God! It's Monty Python! They've come to save us with real comedy!
Pink Ringer: Oh no! Whatsisname, the new guy, just got squooshed!
Blue Ringer: The juice bar is filled with Power Ringer juice!
(Cut to a clip of Watchmen)
Rosarch: Human bean juice.
Green Ringer: He truly was the Scarlet Ringer, through and through!
Linkara: (yelling) YOU ARE COVERED IN YOUR FRIEND'S BLOOD!!
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, it turns out that the giant foot actually is... wait, Charles Barkley? Th-That can't be right. Charles Barkley is "our greatest warrior".
Blue Ringer: It's the giant Berzerkly, from those commercials!
Linkara: (dumbfounded) "Berzerkly"? What, is he some sort of nega-Charles Barkley? Did he need a magic coin to grow, too?
Linkara (v/o): Oh, and on an unrelated note, WHY IS THIS HERE?!
(A clip of a commercial in which Charles Barkley battles Godzilla is shown)
Linkara (v/o): Seriously, a reference to the Charles Barkley vs. Godzilla commercials? Why? Because he was giant-sized? It has nothing to do with Power Rangers!
(Back to the Power Ringers comic)
Green Ringer: We'd better go right to Superultracombomultizaur!
Linkara: See? That wasn't so hard, was it? Making fun of the overly-long, ridiculous names of the Megazords. That is a parody!
Pink Ringer: Not another Power Ringer battle! We still haven't got the buildings fixed from last time!
Blue Ringer: No wonder Angel Corners has the highest insurance rates in the world!
Linkara: (mock surprise) Oh, my God! Another funny joke! I actually really liked that one! Dear God, this comic might actually be turning itself around!
Linkara (v/o): Annnnd it shoots itself in the foot. The one foot it has, but I'll get to that in a second. What the hell is this?! "Mighty Morphin' Huggies"?! Why does the Megazord have a diaper?! What is that supposed to parody?! Furthermore, it's pretty well established that they are indeed the Power Ringers, as the title suggests, so why does it say "Mighty Morphin'" when it's supposed to say "Mightily Murdered"?
Linkara: (clutching at his forehead, as the truth hits him) Oh, my God, I just now got the title.
Linkara (v/o): And since one of them is dead, apparently, they can't summon the other Zord to form the other leg, making one wonder how the hell the thing is able to stand at all. Maybe if it was listing to the other side, but look at that! It should be collapsing under its own weight. Oh, and we have a glorious return of stuff written on people's chests. (reads what is written on Berzerkly's jersey) "Not a role model".
Linkara: Wow. What a compelling message about Charles Barkley and his status as a role model to the youth of America. (shakes head) Thank you, Mightily Murdered Power Ringers! You have opened my eyes! May I please shut them again so I don't have to keep reading?
Linkara (v/o): Anyway, the Megazord falls over a cliff that wasn't there a second ago because of the aforementioned one-leggedness, and they all die. I am not kidding. I'm assuming that a massive fountain of blood right there behind the "ker-death" sound effect, since otherwise falling into the water wouldn't kill them. Besides, we all know that the sound effect one makes...
(Cut to a shot of a Transformers comic with the enemy robot Optimus Prime is battling making the water sound Linkara is talking about)
Linkara (v/o): ...when splashing into the water is "DOOOOSHH!!"
(Back to the Power Ringers comic)
Linkara (v/o): Soooo... comic's over, right? Of course not! Now it's time for the same damn joke repeated four times. What do I mean? Well, Zordon decides that they need to form a new team: Mighty Methane Power Ranges! No, you're not high right now, this is really happening. Five sentient stoves.
Text: Giving the villains a RAW DEAL! HEROES THAT REALLY COOK!
Linkara: You're tempting me again with the fire thing, comic. Not wise. (shakes head)
Linkara (v/o): Naturally, Lord Razzmatazz just takes them out with water guns. And Zordon makes another team: "Mighty Morphine Powered Addicts". Did you get the joke yet? If you don't, I will explain it, because it isn't funny as it is. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers is a weird name. That, is the joke. That is all it is, that it's a weird-ass name for a show. I could ask the question of why Zordon thinks that living stoves or morphine addicts are the best choices he could be making for a team of crime fighters, but then again, this is the guy who originally told Alpha-5...
(Cut to footage of the original Power Rangers show)
Zordon: Teleport to us five overbearing and overemotional humans.
Alpha-5: No! Not that! Not teenagers!
(Cut back to the comic, sadly)
Linkara (v/o): Sooo... maybe the guy has been in the tube too long and isn't quite all there anymore.
Powered Addict: (with a literal monkey on his back) Don't mess with me--I've got a monkey on my back!
Linkara: (briefly stunned) That line just made this comic worth it. I don't care if it's a drug reference, that is the best damned battle cry ever! "Don't mess with me, I've got a monkey on my back!"
Linkara (v/o): So Lord Pazuzu defeats them using methadone – which comes out in sparkles, no less – but not before a positively high-larious joke, saying that they're going to defeat them with Method One before correcting himself for the typo. If that is a reference to something, it is so dated that any semblance of whatever the hell it meant is buried in the bowels of time. Next up in the parade of fail is "Naughty Nighty Powder Puffers", featuring four women in lingerie and a guy in lingerie, though he looks as confused as the rest of us.
Linkara: Did I just stumble onto a Power Rangers porno spoof?
(Cut to The Cinema Snob via transmission)
Cinema Snob: Uh... It doesn't look like I own any Power Rangers porn. But I did find a clip of a Japanese Power Rangers porn online. (chuckles) I've pleasured myself to it five times already. (laughs nervously, then holds up a Meath Note DVD) Hey, Death Note porn! (smiles)
Linkara (v/o): The team is foiled by Lord Zelarackanickanackafivecrackashishkoombah handing them television contracts. What, were they models? Actresses? Porn stars? You know what, I don't care. Zordon says that he should be less specific and thus he forms a team of completely identical beings... with smiley faces that have a blank expression... and calls them "Something Something Something Somethings".
Linkara: Or, in other words, the Power Rangers team created by Phelous.
(Cut to Phelous via transmission)
Phelous: (offended by what he heard) Hey!
Linkara: Oh, you know it's true!
Phelous: No, it isn't! I call them "Something Something Something Whatevers"... though they do look exactly like I designed them.
Linkara (v/o): However, they're interrupted by a Ninja Turtle. Yeah, I'm serious.
Ninja Turtle: I'm with the law firm of Angelo, Tello, Nardo, and Fael. Mister Zzzzz here has warned us that your name may infringe on certain of our firm's trademarks...
Linkara: If that's the case, where the hell was the Ninja Turtle complaining about Sultry Teenage Super-Foxes? Honestly, is– is that the joke, that their names are slightly similar and that they both have four words and are both weird names for shows?
Linkara (v/o): And so our comic ends with Lord Sucks saying he's given up his plans for world conquest and instead will dedicate his life to wiping out whatever force is sent against him.
Zordon: Well then--
Lord Zzzzz: --I guess I won't be sending anyone against you!
Linkara (v/o): Wait, why did Lord Xylophone say that– Oh, they screwed up the word balloon again! Yeah, I can see how difficult it is to place a word balloon when there are ONLY TWO FRICKIN' PEOPLE ON THE PAGE! Not to mention how stupid the ending is anyway. Why does he give a rat's ass about defeating Zordon if he's not gonna TAKE OVER THE WORLD?!!
(Cut to a clip of Silver Streak)
George Caldwell (Gene Wilder): Jesus Christ, I met some dumb bastards in my time, but you outdo them all!
Linkara: (angrily jumping up from his seat, holding the comic) This comic sucks... (jumps closer to the camera) sucks... (jumps up so close to the camera that his face covers the screen) SUCKS!!!
Linkara (v/o): It's not funny, the artwork is terrible, it's not a very good parody of Power Rangers, and it just comes across as more than a little mean-spirited!
Linkara: Who the hell wrote this thing, anyway? (examines book closely) Nigel Ng...? (looks up in annoyance) Well, whoever that is, I'm damn certain that they could never produce anything of quality. After something this bad, they've got to be the worst–
(Suddenly, the transmission is interrupted and the author of the comic himself, Nat Gertler, AKA Nigel Ng, appears)
Gertler: Hi, Linkara. I'm Nat Gertler, also known as Nigel Ng. (pronounced "Eng")
Linkara: (concerned) Nat... Gertler?
Gertler: (nods) Yes.
Linkara: But... you don't suck.
Gertler: (shrugs) I know.
Linkara: But you were nominated twice for an Eisner Award. You started 24-Hour Comics Day. You wrote stories for two Power Rangers comics.
Gertler: And, I also wrote "Mightily Murdered Power Ringers" for Parody Press, though that was so long ago, I really honestly don't even remember what I put into that comic. At the time, I was trying to write a lot of parody comics really quickly, thinking that that would make me money. I was wrong.
Linkara: (feeling somewhat ashamed) I, uh... I don't know how to feel now.
Gertler: Oh, don't worry about it. And feel free to destroy your copy of the comic.
Linkara: Oh, thanks, I will.
Gertler: (facepalms himself) Oh, now I remember why I haven't read that comic book in over fifteen years. I had an ancient Chinese Aztec gypsy mummy put a curse on that book. So... if you've just read that one, maybe you better destroy it before–
(Suddenly, there is an explosion from the comic that knocks Linkara to the floor. "Go Green Ranger" plays in the background during this whole scene)
Gertler: (pointing) Yeah, that.
(The Power Ringers comic flies through Linkara's house, then hovers in midair. Linkara runs after it, panting for breath. He looks up in shock to see the comic floating in midair)
Linkara: Oh, you have gotta be frickin' kidding me! (the Power Ringers comic cackles) Come on, didn't we already do the sentient comic book thing way back in "Star Trek #1"?
Comic book: (high-pitched, screechy voice) Time to die now, comic boy!
(The comic book fires a blast of energy at Linkara, who ducks, then takes out his gun, and fires a laser blast at it. The comic dodges aside. Linkara fires a second shot, and again he misses. The comic fires another energy blast at Linkara, who keeps firing laser shot after laser shot at the comic, which keeps dodging aside)
Comic book: Can't hit me, can't hit me, can't hit me, can't hit me!
(The comic shoots another energy blast, and Linkara responds with more laser blasts from his gun, but the comic eludes the shots)
Comic book: You're pathetic! You've spent 150 episodes reviewing comic books, and all it's done is made you fat and slow! (as Linkara watches, something snaps inside of him) How pathetic are you? What are you, 24, and you still like Power Rangers? (Linkara clenches his fist slowly) What loser watches a kid's show all the time? (cackles)
Linkara: (dangerously) Ohhhh, bucko, did you just push the wrong button!
(As the comic keeps trying to attack him, Linkara takes down a box from the shelf and opens it up. It contains a Morphin button and a watch. Linkara takes out the button)
Linkara: It's Morphin' Time!
(The scene parodies the morphing scene from Power Rangers)
(Suddenly, Linkara appears in the room again, dressed as the Green Ranger)
Comic book: Ha! You look ridiculous, you fat piece of crap!
Linkara: Oh, it's true, I'm overweight and I look silly in this, but the thing is, I could've morphed into a friggin' clown and not cared, because the only thing that matters is that while I'm dressed like this, I'm gonna kick your ass!
(Linkara strikes a fighting pose. The Power Ringers comic cackles again and then swoops at Linkara. They struggle with each other)
Comic book: (as they tussle) Stupid loser, stupid loser! Stupid loser, stupid loser!
(Linkara punches the comic away, then takes out his sword. The comic floats there, waiting to fight again. Suddenly, Linkara, imitating the Green Ranger further, plays his sword like a musical instrument, which causes green lightning bolts to appear and zap the Power Ringers comic. As Linkara keeps playing his sword, the bolts intensify and the comic screams. Suddenly, the comic explodes and falls to the floor. Linkara stops playing his sword as the comic lies on the floor, all burnt up. Linkara takes off his helmet as "Go Green Ranger" finishes in the background)
Linkara: (smiles) Go, go, Power Rangers. (holds up his fist)
(Credits roll, to the Power Rangers theme)
(Stinger: Nat Gertler is shown again)
Gertler: Excellent work, Linkara! Your destroying that comic book... made it rarer... making (holds up several other copies of "Power Ringers" in his hands) the hundreds that I have in my garage all the more valuable! (laughs evilly)
(Cut to Linkara as the Green Ranger tussling with the Power Ringers comic book, while a silly tuba tune is heard in the background)