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Monsters vs. Aliens

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Announcer:

And now it's time for "Bum Reviews" with Chester A. Bum. Tonight's review: "Monsters Vs. Aliens."


(Cut to...AskThatGuy, who has taken Chester's place.)


AskThatGuy: ...This was a thoroughly enjoyable film with good animation, decent writing and very good amounts of 3D production. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

(Someone offscreen whispers directions inaudibly to him.)

(Without enthusiasm) ...Oh my God, this is the greatest movie that I personally have ever seen in my entire life.

(The person whispers to him again. ATG rolls his eyes.)

(With more enthusiasm) Ohhh my God! This film, this epic masterpiece, is the greatest film that we as humans have ever produced and I have ever seen in my entire life! I-I mean, zowwy!

How was that? (Person whispers) ...Description?

Ah, there is a woman who grows to be very large.

She is hit by a meteorite that contains all sorts of scientific, supernatural powers.

And thus, she is taken to a secret government location.

Where she--- (Person whispers. ATG rolls eyes and becomes more enthusiastic) Well, big, monsterous things happen! When I say monsterous, I mean...monsterous! Real monsters!

There is a big, blue blob that looks like Crest Sparkle toothpaste!

A cockroach man! Now I, I tell you, that's just silly!

The missing link between man and...fish, I suppose.

And they're out to stop an evil alien that has four eyes. Four... Who would imagine that?

And I guess I don't wanna give anything else anyway... (Person whispers. ATG nods) Okay. Apparently, I do want to give everything else away. Alright.

The gigantic woman goes inside the giant spaceship and stops the evil aliens from taking over the world, and thus everything is returned back to normal.

(Person whispers) Well, what else do you want from me?

Do you want me to just reenact the whole thing? (Person whispers) Oh.

She...goes into the giant spaceship! Runs! (Mimics this) L-L-Lots of running.

But the alien entraps her in this laser cage!

Tshewww!

But she breaks out of the cage and, suddenly, she's shrunken down to her normal size!

Oh no!

So, the other monsters hop onboard to try and save her.

But she ends up saving them!

By...being small, and then suddenly becoming large, and then becoming small again--- No no, wait, that didn't happen.

She was originally large, then she became small, then she becomes large again.

No no, I mean, she wasn't BORN large. That wouldn't logically make sense. Okay, so she starts off small, becomes large, gets small, then becomes large again.

I never realized how complex this movie was!

So, she blows up the ship.

Kapewww! Kapewww! ...Or however that sound effect goes.

And they are all falling to their deaths.

Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Major distress. Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

But then, Insectasaurus comes, because now he is a butterfly.

Oh, wait a minute. I didn't tell you about Insectasaurus, did I? Alright, let me go back to the beginning. (Person whispers "No! No, no, no, no...") Oh. Wrap up? Okay.

So, they all live happily ever after.

I stole my 3D glasses because I am thoroughly a horrible person.

And then I came home and masturbated. Would you like a reenactment of that? (Person whispers "No! No, no, no, no...") No? Okay.

This is That Guy With The Glasses saying change. Change is upon us! (Person whispers) What? ...Oh. (He holds up Chester's cup) Change. Change is upon us! (Person whispers) Oh. Um... (unenthusiastic) Change. You got change? Somebody must have change.

(Person whispers) Well, I can't just flat out do an impression of him! I'm no good at impressions! (Person whispers) What? You want me to do something like, um, (Does perfect Chester impression) CHANGE?? Ya got change?! Aw c'mon, help a guy out, will ya?! C'mon, change! (Talking normal) Is that what you would like? (Person whispers) Well, no. I'm not gonna do it. ...Piss off! (Walks off-camera, muttering) I'm going to go masturbate.

And I won't be thinking of you! ...For long.

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