**Note: This was filmed in 2011, and a movie or two may have been reviewed since then.
(Doug sitting in his office chair addressing the camera)
Doug (vo): Hello everybody, Doug Walker here uh, it's a little rainy outside but, Chicago's very slowly turning into Seattle recently so I'm just gonna film anyway. Uh... this video is mainly gonna talk about, uh, the top 11 Nostalgia Critic reviews that I will
not do because I get a lot of requests, a lot of people ask, uh, me to review a lotta stuff and, for, the reasons I'm gonna explain right now, I don't wanna do them; I don't think they're worth doing. So uh, sort of taking a page from the uh, book of Linkara here I'm going to count down the top 11 reviews that I as the Nostalgia Critic will not do. I decided not to do this as a Nostalgia Critic video because, I don't know, there's, better reviews that I think I can do, so I'm just sort of doing it as myself and just sort of telling you, uh, which ones I don't think are really worth doing so, why waste any time, let's get started.
(A drawing of Doug's face is shown as the title is shown. This image will serve as the countdown's interlude)
Doug (vo): Number 11 -- Watership Down
[Clips from Watership Down play]
Doug (vo): Now this is one of those, I... I don't really get why people want me to review it.
Doug: I, I saw it when I was younger and, I thought it was good, I thought actually, for, a book this grim and this dark I thought the, movie captured it, relatively well.
Doug (vo): Um, the animation is good, I love the voice acting, John Hurt's in it, I, you know, anything he touches, I think is gold. So...
Doug: ...I don't know why so many people want me to review it, is it because it's really dark? Is it because, y'know, it's marketed as a kids' film and yet rabbits are getting drowned in dirt and blood everywhere and stuff like that?
Doug (vo): I mean it's... I, I guess that could be a little
Doug: ...okay, that doesn't
sound funny, but, um, you know maybe the idea that this is supposed to be this very fluffy, innocent, film, I mean there's two cute little rabbits on the front, and the fact that, there's just constant death and constant killing all throughout. So, I don't know, I don't think it's enough to hold up for a review. You know, like I said, I think it's good, I think it's a decent movie so, I don't know exactly why so many people want me to review it, but it is one of those requests I keep getting over and over and over so, I'm definitely not doing that one, I like the movie, next one.
Doug (vo): Number 10 --
A Goofy Movie
Doug (vo): Number 9 -- The Spiderman Cartoon
[The cartoon's intro is shown]
Doug (vo): Now, I'll admit...I hate this cartoon, this is one of those cartoons that came out the same time as
X-Men and Batman...
Doug: ...and then this piece of shit comes along and, it's trying to, it's trying to do what they're doing but it's doing it so horribly it feels like, one of the cartoons from like the 60's where there's no pacing, there's no good timing. The dialogue is really lame, and it just tries to throw a ton at you, without letting
any of it really sink in.
Doug (vo): Number 8 -- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes/Killer Klowns from Outer Space
Doug (vo): Number 7 -- Toys
Doug (vo): Number 6 --
The Nutcracker Starring The Care Bears*
*Note: This is the movie Doug would eventually review as the Nostalgia Critic during December 2014.
Doug (vo): Number 5 --
Cats Don't Dance
Doug (vo): Number 4 -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3
[Clips of the movie play briefly]
Doug (vo): Shortest explanation in the world: James Rolfe did it. He did it great. He addressed every single solitary little thing wrong with it. There's nothing new I can bring. Next one.
Doug (vo): Number 3 --
The Brave Little Toaster
Doug: Again... w...t...I like this movie!
[Clips from the movie play]
Doug (vo): Number 2 -- Anything
Doug (vo): And the number 1 thing I will never do a Nostalgia Critic review on is...
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.
[Clips of the The Phantom Menace play out]
Doug (vo): And I know! I know there's a ton
of things to make fun of, I know there's a ton of things that I can point out and say is wrong and stuff like that, here's the thing:
Doug: Everybody's done it.
Doug: ...there it is guys those are the top 11 Nostalgia Critic episodes I will
never do, I will never review, I have no interest in doing them at all, SO STOP ASKING! Now you know what's gonna happen; I'm gonna, I'm gonna get all sorts of new, other, reviews to constantly, ask, to do well, okay, and then I'll make another top 11 list so...there it is guys thank you for watching I hope you enjoyed and uhm, that's it. Take care.
NOTE: THIS TRANSCRIPT IS NOT YET COMPLETED.
The Nostalgia Critic Transcripts
Transformers · Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue · Cloverfield Trailer Review · Power Rangers: A Look Back · Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Book Launch · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movies · The Top 11 Scariest Nostalgic Moments · Super Mario Bros.: The Movie · Cloverfield Review · Street Fighter + Mortal Kombat Part 1 · Street Fighter + Mortal Kombat Part 2 · Space Jam · The Nerd Rant · The Nerd Rant Part 2 · Pokémon The First Movie · The Nerd Wizard Rant · The Wizard · The Top 11 Naughtiest Moments in Animaniacs · Batman & Robin · The Top 11 Catchiest Theme Songs · '90s Sports Montage · The Nerd Response…Response · The Top 11 Drug PSAs · The Battle of Epic Proportions · Captain Planet · Double Dare · 3 Ninjas · Top 11 Hottest Animated Women · Video Game Review · The Search for the Nostalgia Chick · He-Man and the Masters of the Universe · Follow That Bird · Saved By the Bell · Tom and Jerry: The Movie · Top 11 Saddest Moments · Nostalgia Chick Winner · Surf Ninjas · NC vs The Nerd Showdown · Top 11 Nostalgic Animated Shows · Kazaam · The Nerd vs. NC: The Final Battle · Off to Beat the Nerd · Drew Struzan Tribute · Halloween '08 Special · Double Dragon · Top 11 Underrated Nostalgic Classics · Howard the Duck · Mortal Kombat: Annihilation · Godzilla · Top 11 Disney Villains · The Super Mario Bros. Super Show · Top 12 Greatest Christmas Specials · Jingle All the Way
Nicktoons · Nickcoms · SNICK · Good Burger · The Making of the Final Battle · Ferngully: The Last Rain Forest · A Kid in King Arthur's Court · The Good Son · The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog · Top 11 Nostalgic Mindfucks · Twister · Garbage Pail Kids · Rock-A-Doodle · Titanic - The Legend Goes On · The Pagemaster · The NeverEnding Story · Moonwalker · Top 11 Dumbest Superman Moments · TMNT · Red Sonja · TGWTG Team Brawl · Short Circuit 1 & 2 · Batman vs. The Dark Knight · Full House · North · Critic and Nerd: TMNT Making of Coming Out of Their Shells · Sidekicks · Gargoyles · Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen · Steel · Top 11 Cereal Mascots · Barb Wire · New vs Old - LOTR Animated vs Lord of the Rings · Last Action Hero · Captain N · We're Back: A Dinosaur's Story · Warriors of Virtue · Captain America · Top 11 F*ckups · Alone in the Dark · Blank Check · Old vs New: Willy Wonka · Cool as Ice · Suburban Commando · Next Karate Kid · Casper · Superman IV · Congo · Siskel and Ebert Tribute · Judge Dredd · Tank Girl · Jack Frost · He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special · Next Best Christmas Specials · Star Wars Holiday Special · Ernest Saves Christmas
Commando · Junior · Conan and Conan the Destroyer · End of Days · Battlefield Earth · Bebe's Kids · Lost in Space · Top 11 Villain Songs · Quest for Camelot · Old vs. New: Nutty Professor · Bio-Dome · NeverEnding Story II · Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments · Flubber · Home Alone 3 · Old vs New King Kong · Drop Dead Fred · The Care Bears Movie · Kickassia: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 · Jaws 3 · Free Willy · A Troll in Central Park · Theodore Rex · Top 11 Coolest Cliches · Hook · Independence Day · The Room · The Phantom · Zeus and Roxanne · Animaniacs Tribute · The Flintstones Movie · Mr Nanny · Rocky IV · Chairman of the Board · Next Top 11 NC Fuckups · Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw · Pebble and the Penguin · Ernest Scared Stupid · Top 11 Scariest Performances · IT · Leprechaun · My Pet Monster · Commercial Special · Old Vs New: 10 Commandments vs Prince of Egypt · The Thief and the Cobbler · Waterworld · Little Monsters · Rover Dangerfield · You're a Rotten Dirty Bastard · The First Couple: TMNT
NeverEnding Story III · Ferngully 2 · Secret of Nimh 2 · Care Bears 2 · Dungeons and Dragons · Top 11 Dumbest Spider-Man Moments · The Lost World: Jurassic Park · Return of the Nostalgic Commercials · Inspector Gadget · Old vs. New: The Karate Kid · The Langoliers · Airborne · Baby Geniuses · Raiders of the Story Arc: X-Men · The Magic Voyage · Double Team · Top 11 Dumbasses in Distress · Jaws: The Revenge · Gordy · The OTHER Animated Titanic · Revenge of the Nostalgic Commercials · Once Upon a Forest · Little Nemo · Old vs New: True Grit · Suburban Knights: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 · Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon · Milk Money · Rad · Raiders of the Story Arc: Duck Tales · Care Bears in Wonderland · Cop and A Half · Top 11 Batman TAS Episodes · Alaska · Let's Play Bart's Nightmare · James and the Giant Peach · The Avengers · Simon Sez · The Tommyknockers · The Haunting · Blair Witch 2 - Book of Shadows · Exorcist 2 · Doug's First Movie · The Cell · Raiders of the Story Arc: Superman · Felix the Cat · Moulin Rouge · Babes in Toyland · How the Grinch Stole Christmas · Child's Play · Santa Claus The Movie
Star Trek: The Motion Picture · Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock · Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier · Star Trek 7: Generations · Star Trek 9: Insurrection · Patch Adams · Ponyo · Dunston Checks In · Thomas and the Magic Railroad · Top 11 Nostalgia Critic F*** Ups Part 3 · Richie Rich · Jungle 2 Jungle · Old vs New: Manhunter vs Red Dragon · Star Chaser · Transformers Cartoon · A Simple Wish · Alien Resurrection · Jack · Heavy Metal · Mr. Magoo · Top 11 Simpsons Episodes · Signs · Digimon the Movie · Top 11 F*** YEAH Movie Themes · Baby Geniuses 2 · Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom · The Wiz · Total Recall (with Sci-Fi Guy) · Scooby-Doo · To Boldly Flee: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8 · NC's Top 11 Favorite Jokes · The WORST Movies Nostalgia Critic's Reviewed
The Review Must Go On · The Odd Life of Timothy Green · Pearl Harbor · Son of the Mask · The King and I · Catwoman · The Cat in the Hat · Top 11 South Park Episodes · Jurassic Park · A.I. Artificial Intelligence · The Master of Disguise · Turbo - A Power Rangers Movie · Top 11 Dumbest Lord of the Rings Moments · Sailor Moon · Les Miserables · Top 11 Adult Jokes We Never Got as Kids · The Last Airbender · Bridge to Terabithia · The Shining Mini-Series · Sharknado · Devil · Dawn of the Commercials · Man of Steel · Top 12 Santa Clauses · Eight Crazy Nights · The Christmas Tree
Face/Off · The Wicker Man · Ghost Rider · Top 11 Strangest Best Couples · Ghost Dad · Disney's Alice in Wonderland · Top 11 Moments You Never Noticed in Ghostbusters · Disney Afternoon · Foodfight · Swan Princess · The Lorax · Old vs. New: Spider-Man · Blues Brothers 2000 · Jurassic Park 3 · After Earth · Bloodrayne · The Purge · Top 11 Trailers · Small Soldiers · The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement · Ghost Rider 2 · Top 11 Worst Avatar Episodes · Top 11 Best Avatars (with Dante Basco) · Maximum Overdrive · Top 11 New Halloween Classics · Monster Squad · Rise of the Commercials · Forest Warrior · Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (NC) · Christmas Story 2 · Care Bears Nutcracker
The Matrix · The Animatrix · The Matrix Reloaded · The Matrix Revolutions · AVGN Movie · Mamma Mia! · The Haunted Mansion · Daredevil · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014) · Demolition Man · Top 11 Animaniacs Episodes · Legend of Zorro · The Ewoks Cartoon - Was That Real? · Fantastic Four · Cowboys of Moo Mesa - Was That Real? · Sharkboy and Lavagirl · Small Wonder - Was That Real? · Jupiter Ascending · Jurassic World · Top 11 TV Show Intros · Planet of the Apes · Osmosis Jones · Garfield: The Movie · Pixels · The Smurfs · Hammerman - Was That Real? · Mad Max: Fury Road · Event Horizon · Children of the Corn · Hocus Pocus · Conquest of the Commercials · Dragon's Lair · We Wish You a Turtle Christmas · Christmas with the Kranks · Star Wars: The Force Awakens (NC)
The Happening · Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments · Lady in the Water · Labyrinth · Spawn · Cats & Dogs · The Phantom of the Opera · The Adventures of Pluto Nash · Pinky, Elmyra and the Brain - Was That Real? · Batman v Superman · Blade · Old vs. New: Cinderella · Spy Kids 3D: Game Over · Jem and the Holograms (2015) · The Grinch vs. The Cat in the Hat - Was That Real? · Scooby-Doo 2 · Alvin and the Chipmunks · Ghostbusters (2016) · Teddy Ruxpin Live Action Series - Was That Real? · Wild Wild West · The 3rd Animated Titanic Movie (Tentacolino) · The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle · Stephen King's Dreamcatcher · Freddy vs. Jason · Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows · Battle of the Commercials · Inspector Gadget Saves Christmas · Top 12 Christmas Commercials · I'll Be Home For Christmas · Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
Top 11 Best Movie Sequels · Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel · Top 11 Worst Movie Sequels · The Smurfs 2 · Garfield 2: A Tail of Two Kitties · Cool World · Old vs. New: Evil Dead · Top 11 WTF Alternate Endings · Balto · Fant4stic · Clockstoppers · The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas · Suicide Squad Trailer · Suicide Squad · Alien vs. Predator · Transformers: The Last Knight NON-Review · Wonder Woman · Norm of the North · Hulk (2003) · Monkeybone · The Sorcerer's Apprentice · Eragon · Kangaroo Jack · Green Lantern · It (2017) · Halloween (2007)
Turkish Rambo · Video Game Review 2: Blues Brothers (SNES) · Reefer Madness · Doomsday Machine · NC - Kickassia · NC - Suburban Knights · NC - To Boldly Flee · NC - Live Review of Twilight Breaking Dawn Part 2 · Paranoia · Cup of Idiocy (Doug's Old Home Movies) · Night of the Living Dead · The Cinema Snob Movie · The Review Must Go On Review
NostalgiaWeen · Christmas · January