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Nostalgia Critic: Top 11 Movies I'll NEVER Review
Released
August 22, 2011
Running Time
21:08
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**Note: This was filmed in 2011, and a movie or two may have been reviewed since then.

Opening Edit

(Doug sitting in his office chair addressing the camera)

Doug (vo): Hello everybody, Doug Walker here uh, it's a little rainy outside but, Chicago's very slowly turning into Seattle recently so I'm just gonna film anyway. Uh... this video is mainly gonna talk about, uh, the top 11 Nostalgia Critic reviews that I will not do because I get a lot of requests, a lot of people ask, uh, me to review a lotta stuff and, for, the reasons I'm gonna explain right now, I don't wanna do them; I don't think they're worth doing. So uh, sort of taking a page from the uh, book of Linkara here I'm going to count down the top 11 reviews that I as the Nostalgia Critic will not do. I decided not to do this as a Nostalgia Critic video because, I don't know, there's, better reviews that I think I can do, so I'm just sort of doing it as myself and just sort of telling you, uh, which ones I don't think are really worth doing so, why waste any time, let's get started.

(A drawing of Doug's face is shown as the title is shown. This image will serve as the countdown's interlude)

#11 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 11 -- Watership Down

[Clips from Watership Down play]

Doug (vo): Now this is one of those, I... I don't really get why people want me to review it.

Doug: I, I saw it when I was younger and, I thought it was good, I thought actually, for, a book this grim and this dark I thought the, movie captured it, relatively well.

Doug (vo): Um, the animation is good, I love the voice acting, John Hurt's in it, I, you know, anything he touches, I think is gold. So...

Doug: ...I don't know why so many people want me to review it, is it because it's really dark? Is it because, y'know, it's marketed as a kids' film and yet rabbits are getting drowned in dirt and blood everywhere and stuff like that?

Doug (vo): I mean it's... I, I guess that could be a little funny...

Doug: ...okay, that doesn't sound funny, but, um, you know maybe the idea that this is supposed to be this very fluffy, innocent, film, I mean there's two cute little rabbits on the front, and the fact that, there's just constant death and constant killing all throughout. So, I don't know, I don't think it's enough to hold up for a review. You know, like I said, I think it's good, I think it's a decent movie so, I don't know exactly why so many people want me to review it, but it is one of those requests I keep getting over and over and over so, I'm definitely not doing that one, I like the movie, next one.

#10 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 10 -- A Goofy Movie

#9 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 9 -- The Spiderman Cartoon

[The cartoon's intro is shown]

Doug (vo): Now, I'll admit...I hate this cartoon, this is one of those cartoons that came out the same time as X-Men and Batman...

Doug: ...and then this piece of shit comes along and, it's trying to, it's trying to do what they're doing but it's doing it so horribly it feels like, one of the cartoons from like the 60's where there's no pacing, there's no good timing. The dialogue is really lame, and it just tries to throw a ton at you, without letting any of it really sink in.

#8 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 8 -- Attack of the Killer Tomatoes/Killer Klowns from Outer Space

#7 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 7 -- Toys

#6 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 6 -- The Nutcracker Starring The Care Bears*

Doug:

*Note: This is the movie Doug would eventually review as the Nostalgia Critic during December 2014.

#5 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 5 -- Cats Don't Dance

#4 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 4 -- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3

[Clips of the movie play briefly]

Doug (vo): Shortest explanation in the world: James Rolfe did it. He did it great. He addressed every single solitary little thing wrong with it. There's nothing new I can bring. Next one.

#3 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 3 -- The Brave Little Toaster

Doug: Again... w...t...I like this movie!

[Clips from the movie play]

Doug (vo):

#2 Edit

Doug (vo): Number 2 -- Anything Sonic Related

#1 Edit

Doug (vo): And the number 1 thing I will never do a Nostalgia Critic review on is... Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace.

[Clips of the The Phantom Menace play out]

Doug (vo): And I know! I know there's a ton of things to make fun of, I know there's a ton of things that I can point out and say is wrong and stuff like that, here's the thing:

Doug: Everybody's done it.

Ending Edit

Doug: ...there it is guys those are the top 11 Nostalgia Critic episodes I will never do, I will never review, I have no interest in doing them at all, SO STOP ASKING! Now you know what's gonna happen; I'm gonna, I'm gonna get all sorts of new, other, reviews to constantly, ask, to do well, okay, and then I'll make another top 11 list so...there it is guys thank you for watching I hope you enjoyed and uhm, that's it. Take care.

NOTE: THIS TRANSCRIPT IS NOT YET COMPLETED.

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