December 14, 2010
(NC lifts a finger to mean “Excuse me” and gets up to leave his house and stand at the fence of his snowy backyard before running back inside to sit at his desk)
(Black and white footage of Christmas scenes and specials plays as Andy Williams' rendition of "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" is heard and NC speaks)
Andy Williams: (sings) It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
NC (voiceover): It’s the greatest time of the year! Christmas! Christmas has everything you could possibly need. Santa, snow, presents, Zod, everything is wonderful. And, of course, let’s not forget about the Christmas specials. (Footage from various classic Christmas TV specials and movies plays briefly) The Christmas specials are a time-honored tradition. We sit around the TV and watch as many as we can. It’s absolutely fantastic!
NC: But then there’s that one Christmas special that sneaks in and spoils everything. The one Christmas special that makes the rest of the Christmas specials feel bad about themselves! That particular Christmas special is “Rover Dangerfield”!
(The title screen for “Rover Dangerfield” is shown, followed by a montage of clips from the movie)
NC (voiceover): Well, OK, it’s not entirely Christmas-related, but a lot of it does take place around Christmastime, and…I GUESS it’s trying to relate some Christmas themes!
NC: But before we talk about this, it’s probably best to talk about the person it was based on, Rodney Dangerfield.
(Footage of Rodney Dangerfield’s standup plays as NC speaks)
Rodney Dangerfield: No respect! I got no respect at all!
NC (voiceover): The late comedian was definitely known as a standup's standup. Most comedians get rid of the idea of just going up and telling one-liners, but Dangerfield was one of the few standups who kept it going. And to be fair, they were pretty funny.
Rodney: Well, I got no sex life. I tried to masturbate, I had a headache. (The audience laughs; cut to another standup routine) I tell you, my wife, she never went through. Now, the first time I called her up, she told me to come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over, there was nobody home! (audience laughter; cut to Rodney interviewing with Johnny Carson) ‘Cause they play around so young today, very young. You kiddin’? Today, they got birth control pills shaped like Fred Flintstone, you know.
NC (voiceover): That’s what he was known for: his one-liners. And let’s be honest, that’s what he was best at. In terms of his movie experience, he did have two films that were big hits: “Back to School” and “Caddyshack”. (both posters for those movies are shown) These movies knew how to use his one-liners to the film’s advantage. (footage from “Rover Dangerfield” starts playing) THIS movie does not. It’s a painful little train-wreck that’s entirely based on just one joke: Rodney Dangerfield is a dog. That’s it! There’s literally nothing else to it. And if you think it’s like other movies where you can say the actor was just a product of the Hollywood system, think again. Rodney Dangerfield had everything to do with this movie. He was the producer, handled the screenplay, came up with the idea. He even wrote the story with his pal Harold Ramis! How do you think that process went?
NC: (as Rodney Dangerfield, talking on the phone) Hey-hey, Harold! I got this great idea for a kid’s movie! It’s me as a dog!
Harold Ramis (as Egon from “Ghosbusters”): I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.
NC: (as Rodney) Glad you like it. Bye! (He hangs up and looks at the camera) Ho-ho!
NC (voiceover): So, the big question this movie asks is, “Can Rodney Dangerfield do anything in a kid’s movie outside of telling one-liners?”
NC: Well, not to give away the ending, but…no. This is “Rover Dangerfield.”
NC (voiceover): So we open on Las Vegas, where our four-legged friend lives. And right from the very beginning, you can see why this movie isn’t going to work.
Rover: (to two female show poodles) I love your pom-poms.
Poodle: (sarcastically laughs) I’ve heard that before.
Rover: Pardon me. I forgot you're a poodle.
NC: (as Rover, adjusting his tie) Hey-hey! First joke I made, and I don’t even get it! Ho-ho!
NC (voiceover): So as you can see, the dog looks exactly like Rodney Dangerfield, which I don’t think is a good thing. I wouldn’t mind too much, except that half the time, it looks like his eyes are just staring off into space, like they’re animating a dead wooden puppet or something!
Rover: Hey! Look who’s in town! Carmine’s Canines! I used to work with them when I was a pup!
NC (voiceover): (as Rodney) Hey-hey! So do I stand upright or walk on all fours? I wrote this movie, and even I’m confused!
Rover: Hey, gang! How you doin’? (All the Carmine’s Canines in their cages are surprised and happy to see him) Where’s Flappy?
Female Dog: Carmine fired him. He couldn’t remember the routine.
Rover: Oh, I saw that coming. Flappy was dumb.
(NC looks bored and presumes to ask with the audience)
NC and the Audience: …How dumb was he?
Rover: He used to walk backwards and wag his head. (All the dogs laugh uproariously at the one-liner)
NC: Hilarious. So he go—
Rover: I mean, dumb. Carmine taught him how to sit, he forgot how to stand! (The dogs laugh again)
NC: Good one. Then he go—
Rover: And when Carmine paper-trained him, that was something. He went right on the paper. The only trouble is, Carmine was reading it. (The dogs laugh again)
NC: …Yeah, uhm…how many more one-liners are there in this movie—?
(The number 3,422 are shown on-screen)
NC (voiceover): OH!
NC: (holds his head in pain) GOD! (beat) Well, I suppose it could be worse. I mean, it is a kid’s film! I suppose they could be singing a song right now—(he suddenly shakes his hands “No” at the camera, realizing that he's walked straight into a musical number pitfall) NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
Rover: (sings) It’s a dog’s life, and I love it! Las Vegas is the place for me.
(NC bites on his index finger and groans to hold in the pain of hearing the song)
Rover: This is the place to throw your cares away! Well, it’s a dog’s life, and I love it!
NC: All in favor of skipping the song, say “Fuck off!”
Audience: FUCK OFF!
NC: Thank you! (He proceeds to fast forward through the song with a remote)
NC (voiceover): So Rover goes backstage to visit his master.
Rover: What a place, huh, Eddie? Big place! Big place! You know how many people work here?
NC: Gee, I don’t know, a joke?
Rover: One out of four.
(A rimshot is heard, and Eddie rolls around laughing; NC has his head on his desk and banging the back of his head with a fist)
NC (voiceover): So Rover’s master is a showgirl named Connie, which I gotta say is a pretty risky business. Doesn’t she know that everybody got AIDS and shit? (The movie poster for “Showgirls” is shown briefly)
(Rover offers Connie a flower)
Connie: Oh, Rover! You wouldn’t forget my birthday.
(Rover turns his head and growls angrily)
Rocky: Hey, what’s happenin’, girls? How are we all?
NC (voiceover): (sarcastic) Gee, I wonder who the villain is! Out of all the people in this room, I guess it could be anybody! No, but seriously, I think it’s Showgirl #4. (a green arrow points to a random showgirl in the room) Actually, it turns out it’s her boyfriend Rocky—what a shock—as Rover watches him partake in a shady deal.
(Rover and Eddie (with a bone in his mouth) watch the deal from a high window with the window’s door lifted up and secured above their heads)
Mobster #1: Let’s see the cash.
Rocky: (shows the mobsters a suitcase full of cash, which he'll trade in exchange for a suitcase full of gold coins and a few jewels) It’s all here. Relax.
Rover: Eh, it’s another one of his phony deals.
(The window door lands on Eddie’s head, which makes his bone fall out of his mouth and land on the lampshade above Rocky and the mobsters; All three panic and scramble about)
Mobster #2: The cops!
Mobster #1: It’s a setup.
Mobster #2: Let’s get outta here!
NC (voiceover): (is surprised) Wow! That is the most paranoid gang of mobsters I’ve ever seen! Do all their deals go like that?
NC: I mean, they could be in the middle of a meeting, and one guy could be, like… (He slowly lifts up a coin before the camera, then drops it)
Mobster #2: The cops!
Mobster #1: It’s a setup.
Mobster #2: Let’s get outta here!
Rocky: Wait, it’s just a dog! A stupid dog!
Mobster #1: (to Rocky) This was your last chance, small time. (leaves the room)
NC (voiceover): (as Mobster #1) You’ll curse the last day you’ve ever messed with the easily excitable pussy gang!
Rocky: (gets angry and throws the bone at the window, breaking the glass and causing Rover and Eddie to run away) Rover, you’re mine! I’m gonna get you!
NC (voiceover): So Rover returns home only to find that Connie is leaving for a few weeks, and Rocky Bal-bastard is going to be looking after him.
Connie: (to Rover) Rocky’ll take care of you.
Rover: (to himself) Rocky?
Rocky: Yeah. I’ll take care of him. (He looks away, makes a hand into the shape of a gun and makes an explosion noise to himself, pretending to shoot something with the “gun”, implying that he’ll kill Rover)
NC (voiceover): This, of course, begs the question, “Why the hell doesn’t he (Rover) just run?” I mean, the movie shows he has plenty of time, or could he not think up of a clever one-liner before he could do it?
(Rocky attempts to grab for Rover and succeeds)
NC (voiceover): So he tosses Rover in a bag and proceeds to throw him over the Hoover Dam.
Rover: (speaks inside the bag) What’s happening here? What am I, dirty laundry?
Rocky: (sarcastic) I’ll miss you, Rover. (He drops the bag over)
(The bag rolls down the side of the dam)
NC (voiceover): (as Rover) Hey! Hot damn! I’m rollin’ down the river! Looks like I’m all wet! I—
(The bag lands in the water and sinks toward the bottom before the film fades to black; Cut to an old-fashioned “The End” title card as the ending theme music for “Merrie Melodies” plays)
NC: No, no, that’s not the ending, but trust me, you’ll wish it was.
NC (voiceover): So before all lame jokes can go to heaven, Rover is picked up by a couple of fishermen. Before they can take him to the pound, he jumps out of the car and starts exploring. Oh, I’m sorry, starts saying one-liners to the crowd of people that isn’t there!
Rover: No hotels, no people, no fire hydrants. (to a group of farm pigs) Hey, slow down, will ya? You’re eatin’ like pigs! (to someone (a horse, to be exact) off-screen) Thanks for makin’ a total stranger feel like a total stranger!
NC: Please tell me he gets destroyed by some large piece of farm equipment. (A combine harvester approaches Rover; NC acts as though directing an airplane) Go, farm equipment!
(He starts running away but presumably ends up being run over by the combine before we cut to black. Cut to the old-fashioned “The End” title card as the ending theme music for “Merrie Melodies” plays)
NC (voiceover): Okay, okay, AGAIN, that’s not the real ending, but instead, we get—you’re not gonna believe this—A ONE-LINER!
NC: In fact, I’m not even gonna tell you the one-liner. No, I want you to just look at this scenario and tell me the worst possible joke that you can think up. Good luck.
(Cut to the set of “Jeopardy!” where three contestants are confronted with the following question from the category “DUMB-ASS ONE LINERS”: “What is the worst possible joke you could think up for this scene?” all while the famous theme music plays while the image of Rover in a pile of corn is shown)
NC: Well, let’s look at your answers. No, there’s no point in looking at the answer, because I know you all got the same fucking answer. So everybody in the whole goddamn world say on the count of three what exactly the joke is! (He does the countdown with his hand) 1, 2, 3.
NC, Audience, and Rover: I’M TURNING INTO A CORNDOG! (The accompanying text is shown on-screen)
NC: FUCK YOU, MOVIE! FUCK YOU!
NC (voiceover): So he’s picked up by a farmer and his son who want to adopt him. The son is played by the late famous voice actress Dana Hill, who you may recognize as Max from “Goof Troop” or Jerry from “The Tom and Jerry Movie.” (both posters for the respective TV show and movie are shown briefly) Needless to say, she still keeps her voice at half-testicle dropped.
Danny: Dad, stop the machine! We picked up a dog! (He examines Rover’s red tie) His name is…Rover.
NC (voiceover): (as Danny) Well, at least that’s what it says on the Nostalgia Critic tie!
Cal (the farmer): Well, we can’t keep him. We got too many dogs as it is.
Rover: (is on his knees) Keep me, Dad! (He kisses Cal’s feet, then reacts in disgust) Ecch! What am I doin’? (He spits in disgust) This guy’s been around!
NC (voiceover): You know, they make it clear that people can’t understand what the dog is saying. So, with that in mind, why are the father and son just staring at each other while the dog has an epileptic seizure?
Cal: Alright, Danny, you can keep him.
Danny: Hooray! (He grabs Rover and spins around with him)
Rover: Hey, kid, take it easy, will ya?
NC (voiceover): So Rover is introduced to all the incredibly colorful characters on the farm. That is, they WOULD be colorful if they got any screen-time, but nope! We get to hear Rodney recite even more one-liners!
Rover: (to a herd of sheep) OK, you cottonballs! (Cut to another scene) Yeah, wanna pay my doctor with a hog! (Cut back to the sheep) Your Little-Bo-Peep days are over! (Cut to Rover peeking through tall stacks of corn) What’s your sign?
NC (voiceover): Well, at least he doesn’t tell us the REALLY bad unfunny jokes. No, no, no, no. No. He sings those!
Rover: (sings to Daisy, another farm dog) I’d give up a bone for you.
NC: OK, I don’t need to hear about the bones he’s giving to other dogs.
Rover: (sings) When I first saw your face, my heart began to race / You fill my soul with ecstasy / (appears through tall stacks of corn to speak to Daisy) You come here often? (laughs before singing again) Oh, I would…
NC: (He has his hand over his forehead in disbelief) You know what? This section is so bad, I’m just gonna spend this time working on other comedians that could be bad animated spinoffs, but would at least be better than this one! (He proceeds to take a white piece of paper and a marker and draw on his desk)
Rover: (sings) Daisy, I would lie for you, die for you / I’d give up my red tie for you! / Why, I would never bark at you, because you are my dream come true.
NC: All right, these are a little crude, but I think they’ll still get the idea across. Um…
(NC shows his drawings of famous comedians’ cartoon counterparts)
NC: There’s Red Robin Williams, uh, Andrew Dice Clay, the Chris Rock, Eddie Lizard…oh, and probably the most obvious one, Pen and Teller. (He presumes to crumble up his drawings and throw them aside) Yeah, they’re shit, but they’re still better than this fucking crap!
NC (voiceover): So while trying to hit on another dog called Daisy, Rover realizes he’s supposed to be watching the sheep and leaves them behind.
(Rover runs up a hill to find Cal, Danny and another dog looking disappointed at him, then the camera pans right to all the sheep in a tree)
NC (voiceover): What an incredibly confusing joke. The sheep ended up in the tree. Well, how did the sheep end up in the tree? Why would they want to end up in the tree? Can somebody explain why the sheep ended up in the tree?
(Cut to a "Monty Python's Flying Circus" sketch)
Man (played by Graham Chapman): (to another man) It’s my belief that these sheep are laboring under the misapprehension that they’re birds. Notice they do not so much fly, as plummet. (His head follows the motion of one off-screen bleating sheep that falls off something and lands on the ground)
(Back to the movie)
NC (voiceover): So the farmer locks Rover in the cellar until he can learn to behave himself.
Daisy: (in hushed tones) It’s me, Daisy!
Rover: But don't let Cal see ya. He’ll lock you in here with me. Hey! I hope he sees ya.
Daisy: How can you make jokes when you’re locked up like this?
NC: (as Rover) It’s all I got! Haven’t you noticed the painfully written dialogue in this picture?
NC (voiceover): By the way, what’s up with the lighting all of a sudden? We suddenly transformed into “Apocalypse Bow-wow.”
Kurtz (from “Apocalypse Now”): (dubs over Rover) You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks.
(Daisy undoes the door with her teeth)
Rover: Besides, I miss the good life.
(Daisy opens the door)
Daisy: Come on. I’d like to show you something. (She takes Rover to a tree high on a hill and sits together with him to look at the stars) I know they have bright lights in the city, but do they have anything as beautiful as this?
(Rover looks at her in admiration, but looks away nonchalantly when she looks back at him; He meekly tries to place a paw around her, but then doesn’t; the scene fades to black before cutting to the farm dogs eating together)
NC (voiceover): And that was the romance, folks! Pretty brief, huh? It’s like Dangerfield was all on board, and then halfway through, he decided he hated the idea!
(Cut back to the scene with Rover meekly putting a paw around Daisy)
NC (voiceover): (as Rodney, laughing) Yeah! And then I decided I’m gonna marry this dog, and… (The scene fades to black) …naw, that’s stupid. (Cut to the farm dogs eating together) How about I recite more one-liners?
Rover: Hey, you think the rain’ll hurt the rhubarb?
NC: (clutches his head and groans in frustration) GOD!!!
Rover: I think I’ll change my name to Jethro.
NC (voiceover): So Rover decides he doesn’t belong on the farm and tries to run away.
Rover: I’m nothin’ but trouble! I gotta get outta here. (He starts running) I gotta get outta here!
(Rover runs out on a road where a truck approaches at him fast and seemingly runs him over before cutting to black; the old-fashioned “The End” title card shows up again with the ending theme music from “Merrie Melodies”)
NC (voiceover): GODDAMNIT, that’s not the ending either! The film provides so many opportunities to kill this character, and yet they never take advantage to it! Just go Old Yeller on his ass and get rid of him already!
Daisy: Don’t give up. (She reaches a paw out to hug him)
Rover: OK, Daisy, if you believe in me.
NC (voiceover): OK, so Rover and Daisy have a scene… (Scene fades to black) ...it ends.
Female Turkey: There’s absolutely nothing to eat here!
NC (voiceover): Rover and a turkey have a scene… (Scene fades to black)…it ends. In fact, the next couple of scenes are like that. They just sort of come and go! It’s like drive-by cinema! Here’s a scene, goodbye! Here’s a scene, goodbye! Oh, and, of course, this is all intermixed with the occasional musical number, and let me tell ya, if there’s ever been a song that had no reason to be made—I mean an absolutely worthless idea for a musical number in a kid’s movie—take a listen to THIS.
Rover: (sings) I’ll never do it on a Christmas tree / A Christmas tree is safe from me. (NC does a facepalm) / Oh, what would Santa think of me if I did it on a Christmas tree? / I’ll soak an oak, I’ll splash an ash, I’ll do it on a beech or cherry. / (NC slams his face on his desk while holding the facepalm) I’ll never do it on a Christmas tree, oh…
NC (voiceover): You know, whenever I see such pointlessness shoved into an animated film, I immediately think of all the trees chopped down to give us this fuck-asaurus! (An image of cut-down trees is shown) In fact, I get an image of Treebeard looking over the destruction at what a pathetic waste of life it is!
(Cut to a scene from “Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers” with Treebeard, Merry and Pippin looking over the destruction of a piece of forest; a fake sign saying “For Rover Dangerfield” is shown and we hear Rover singing in the distance; Treebeard roars "Noooo!", echoing across the land)
(Cut to Rover and Daisy on the farmhouse porch and Rover looking depressed while watching a nice family scene inside)
Daisy: (to Rover) You miss someone back at home, don’t you?
Daisy: Another…girl dog?
Rover: Well, it’s not what you think. I mean, she was too young, I was too young. It was puppy love.
NC (voiceover): MY…GOD! Every line he says is like a slap in the face! It literally feels like every time he tells a joke, the character reaches out of the screen and smacks me!
Rover: (to a farm dog) Boy! You heard of “Come and get it”? This is “Try and eat it!”
(NC gets slapped in the face by the paw of Rover)
NC: (holds his head) OW!!
NC (voiceover): So Rover comes across a pack of wolves who are after the farmer’s turkey, but Rover tries to stop them.
Female Turkey: Don't touch me! How dare you! (She runs about while being chased)
(Cal comes outside the farmhouse and shoots his gun into the air; Rover and the wolves freeze in place, and the wolves quickly dash off)
Rover: (sighs with relief) Whew! I’m glad we’re OK.
(Rover hugs the turkey, whose neck goes limp; NC is shocked by this; Rover gasps in fright and sees Cal come around the corner of the henhouse and aim his shotgun at Rover)
Rover: (picks up the dead turkey’s head, pretending she’s alive) Gobble-gobble-gobble! (NC places a hand to his still-shocked face) (Rover speaks to the turkey, trying to get her to respond) Come on, you’re OK, you’re OK. Come on. Come on. Snap out of it, will ya? Come on. I don’t believe this. (He gives mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to the turkey)
NC: (squints his eyes in disbelief before speaking) OK, um…I’m sure many of you didn’t see this…incredibly dark scene in the movie theatre, but, uh, let me try and recreate what the audience reaction probably was.
Rover: Come on, you’re OK, you’re OK.
(Crying children in the audience is heard as Rover tries to resuscitate the turkey, and they also cry out, “The turkey’s dead!”)
NC (voiceover): So it’s decided that Rover has to die for his crimes against the farm. It’s about fucking time if you ask me.
Rover: (speaks while being dragged away by Cal on a leash) I may have lived like a dog, but I can die like a man! (pleads to Cal while pulling on the leash with his paws) I don’t wanna leave! No! I don’t wanna go! Please! I didn’t do it! I’m innocent, I tell ya! I’m innocent! I…did you hear from the governor?
NC (voiceover): Well, at least he’s going out with some dignity. I mean, let’s face it. He could have told worse jokes!
(Cal takes Rover to the snowy woods)
Cal: (sighs) Rover, I wish we spoke the same language.
NC: Oh, what, you don’t speak badjoke-ese?
Cal: But, you see, I cannot have an animal on my farm killing other animals. (He loads his gun with bullets) This is hard for me, Rover, but you’ve taken a life.
NC: (as Cal) A life that…we were gonna take, anyway. Um…but, um…
Elysia (from “Warriors of Virtue”): It was a life!
NC: (as Cal) Yeah, what she said!
(Cal lifts up his gun to aim at Rover)
NC: (is eagerly excited) Get the title card ready! (The “The End” title card peeks in from camera left)
(Cal is about to reconsider shooting Rover when a wolf jumps out to attack Cal)
NC (voiceover): So the wolves attack, but luckily, Rover is on his A-game and teaches them all a lesson.
Rover: (adjusts his tie) That one's for the three little pigs!
(Rover leads the two wolves to a log; one wolf gets stuck head-first in the log, while the other attempts to stay on the log as it rolls downhill)
Rover: (attempts to stay on the log and speaks to the wolf) I know what you’re thinkin’. You’d rather be at grandma’s house!
(The log ends up slamming against a standing tree after Rover had jumped off the log to watch it all happen)
Rover: Eh, who do you think you’re dealin’ with? Little Red Riding Hood? Heh.
NC (voiceover): Wow, so he compared them to the wolf from the fairy tales three times. It was pretty much just telling the exact same fucking joke three times. You know what it’s like? It’s like someone made a movie out of that annoying Duck Hunt dog! (A screenshot of the Duck Hunt game featuring the annoying dog is shown, followed by Rover standing in place of the dog)
NC: And I wanna shoot that little bastard JUST AS MUCH AS I WANNA FUCKING SHOOT HIM!
(NC shoots at Rover in the head, and Rover falls over)
Rover: (audio) No respect at all.
NC (voiceover): So they get the farmer back as everybody sees that Rover has saved the day. But Connie sees in the newspaper where Rover is now, and—(cut to Connie in a skimpy costume) Oh, wow!
Showgirl: (is also in a skimpy costume and bends down to get Connie) Connie, come on! (They both walk off together)
NC: Could…could you bend over and pick her up again—? (The same shot of the showgirl bending down to pick Connie up is shown again) There you go. Yeah, that’s good family entertainment.
NC (voiceover): So the boy lets Rover know that Connie is coming to pick him up. His reaction is, of course, heartbreaking.
Danny: Dad’s gonna bring the pickup around and take you to the airport.
(Rover bounces around and kicks with joy, laughing until he sees Daisy looking sad)
NC (voiceover): What an asshole. So just as Connie gets Rover back, her boyfriend comes in and accidentally reveals that he tried to kill the mutt. This results in a chase scene leading outside the casino.
Mobster #1: (sits inside the back of a limousine with the door open) Rocky! In here.
(Rocky jumps into the limo and shuts the door before Rover and the other dogs could get at him)
Rocky: (recognizes the two mobsters from before) What are you doin’ here?
Mobster #1: This is a setup. (Rover peeks in through the window and smiles) Wanna see Hoover Dam?
(The limo drives off)
(Rover waves goodbye, pleased to see Rocky getting his comeuppance)
NC (voiceover): So in case you’re keeping score at home, kids, that’s one turkey and one drug dealer that get the axe in this family movie! Yet somehow, the Duck Hunt dog comes out alive! Life’s a bitch! So, as you’d imagine, Rover doesn’t like his old environment and prefers to live back on the farm. So he drops Connie some hints as she drives him back and lets the farmer adopt him. Thus we end with our final revelation.
(Small puppies that look like Rover (except one that looks like Daisy) pop out in different places inside the barn)
Rover: Hey! I’m a father of five!
NC: (as Rover) Hey-hey! Looks like I did end with a bang!
(Clips from the movie play again as NC speaks)
NC (voiceover): And that’s “Rover Dangerfield,” or as I like to call it, “UNFUNNY RODNEY DANGERFIELD STANDUP!” It’s basically the same thing as when celebrities try to write kid’s books; everybody thinks they can do it, but it takes a lot of talent to do it right, and this film does not do it right. While the animation at times can be pretty to look at, it’s not worth the constant one-liners and extreme lack of any development. It’s a clumsy story at best and not worth all the time and effort it probably took to make it. If you wanna see Rodney at his best, watch some of his standups. If you wanna see him at his worst, go find this dumbass movie and see why a bad idea should stay a bad idea!
NC: And let’s pray to God there’s no more animated comedian knockoffs! I mean, what’s next? The Nostalgia Kitten? I’m the Nostalgia Critic, I remem—(looks away to imagine such a cartoon character of the Nostalgia Kitten)
Nostalgia Kitten: A CAT CREDIT CARD?! (He gestures in hopes of getting a laugh) Eh? Eh? (He gets shot in the head and falls backwards)
(The Duck Hunt dog appears with a gun and giggles before disappearing off-screen)
Rover: (audio) No respect at all.
Channel Awesome Tagline—Rover: I’m turnin’ into a corndog!