Boy Meets World Meets Disney World!
Original Air Date
January 1st, 2014
Channel Awesome Air Date
March 6, 2015
Boy Meets World Meets Disney World!
ABC Goes to Disneyland!
[Cut to Jerk and Spazz Master still stick in Mickey's Fun Wheel]
Jerk: And so from my noble efforts, I was named King of the Bedbugs. Say, did I ever tell you about "magic?"
Spazz: [desperate] I used to think we were surrounded by it.
Jerk: Nah, not this phony baloney theme park baloney. I mean REAL magic.
[Jerk snaps his fingers and he and Spazz appear at Paradise Pier in front of some gift shops]
Spazz: [overjoyed] FREEDOM!!
[Jerk snaps his fingers again. They're back in Mickey's Fun Wheel]
Jerk: This is my story of the story of a young Hogwarts reject named Sabrina, first released January 1st, 2014.
Spazz: [desperate, again] I was out! I WAS OUT!!!
[dissolve in episode]
Announcer: Previously on Next Time...
[The whole episode plays in 32x fast-forward.]
Announcer: And now, in slow motion.
Jerk: Well, so much for Boy Meets World. Let's check out at long last the FINAL 90's ABC Disney World sitcom, "Girl Meets Other World."
[Intro to Sabrina the Teenage Witch plays, accompanied by the theme from "Clarissa Explains it All"]
Jerk [v/o]: Yes, after Clarissa was finished explaining it all to our stupid asses, she explained beyond it all as a magical teenage witch named Sabrina.
[Cut to Jerk at the Spinning Tea Cup Ride]
Jerk: But no matter how many incredible godlike powers they have, every witch, wizard and warlock often tires of rearranging the universe to suit every pin and yearns to spin around on teacups, sit through food rocks, and ignore decades of anti-witch propaganda. So, a Disney World episode happened.
[Clips of episode play; caption appears: "Sabrina the Teenage Witch. 'Disneyworld'. Season 2, Episode 23. First Aired: April 24, 1998"]
Jerk [v/o]: And it just so happened to happen exactly two days after the grand opening of Disney's Animal Kingdom. So take a wild guess on which Disney World's four parks was the only one the cast of Sabrina visited. That's right, Epcot... or rather Epcot 2: The Accoustic Zoogaloo.
Jerk: And I must say, I'd rather admire the ingenuity of a show like this. They get to Disney World not because someone's performing or someone's in a contest or someone's treating them to it or some other ridiculous contrivance you'll never believe.
[Cut to clip where Quizmaster bewitches Principal Kraft at school]
Kraft: Class trip to Florida!
Jerk: They get there through magic.
Announcer: [also caption] Magic - Because fuck you!
[intro to "The Freaking FCC" from Family Guy plays, Jerk gets his song cue face on and sings]
Jerk: ♪♪ They made way more money off this shit than my ass ever will ♪♪
♪♪ So if they don't care about that crap, why should I front that bill ♪♪
♪♪ I mean when's the last time you guys caught a rerun of this swill ♪♪
♪♪ It's not worth the mention! I paid too much attention ♪♪
♪♪ To the primetime sitcoms made for ABC! ♪♪
So, how much power did ABC have at these parks?
♪♪ They can sleep up in the castle and then criticize its worth... ♪♪
♪♪ They can watch the nightly fireworks from the top of Spaceship Earth ♪♪
♪♪ They can even knock up Minnie Mouse and abort the kid mid-birth! ♪♪
♪♪ It's T.G.I.F'ed up! There ain't no limits left up ♪♪
♪♪ In the Ivory Tower known as ABC. ♪♪
♪♪ Throughout the nineties, cross-promotion lumbered on. ♪♪
Hilda: I love Splash Mountain more than life itself.
Jerk: ♪♪ Can you imagine just how far this might have gone... ♪♪
♪♪ ...had the trend continued? ♪♪
♪♪ They'd have Boston Legal's lawyers putting piracy on trial, ♪♪
♪♪ Lost would be less disappointing were it on Tom Sawyer's Isle, ♪♪
♪♪ And that wacky Jimmy Kimmel he'd make all of Epcot smile! ♪♪
[cut to clips of "I'm F**king Matt Damon/Ben Affleck" video, Jerk dubs over]
Jimmy Kimmel: ♪♪ I'm f**king Dreamfinder. ♪♪ (Note: The censoring in this song IS in fact intentional, that's one of the things that made the original funny in the first place.)
[cut to clips of "Follow Us To WDW" video, Jerk dubs over]
Dreamfinder: ♪♪ He's f**king Dreamfinder! ♪♪
[cut back to the end of the song]
Jerk: ♪♪ All mere speculation. There ends my dissertation ♪♪
♪♪ On the Disney World sitcoms on ABC! ♪♪