Silent Hill: Dead/Alive #1 and 2
October 4th, 2010
Linkara: Once apon a time, there was a little girl who lived in a quiet little town with her mother and father. She was a happy child, and she loved her mother and father just as all little children do. She knew of some of the more...unpleasant aspects of the world, but she didnt care, for she loved her mother and father, and they loved her back. At least, that's what she thought, for you see, her parents did not love her because she was their daughter, they loved her because of what they planned to do with her. They worshipped a great and powerful god, and they loved their god more than their daughter.
Linkara: Hello, and welcome to Atop the Fourth Wall, where bad comics burn. Say, remember "Silent Hill: Dying Inside"? Well guess what, there's a sequel.
Linkara: (voiceover) So yeah, a year ago, I had the "honor" of reviewing "Silent Hill: Dying Inside", a comic that tells you exactly how you'll feel after reading it. The plot goes like this: A little girl named Christabella is murdered in Silent Hill, and somehow she becomes a demonic ghost that trying to ...I have no idea. She seems to want to bring more people to the town to be consumed, but for what reason, I couldn't tell you. Her sister, Lauryn, armed with a magic book she got off of Ebay...
Linkara: And yes, a year later, I am still bugged by that...!
Linkara: (voiceover) ...Brings a whole bunch of cannon fodder teenagers to the town under the pretense of a business venture, but instead wants them all to die so she can have an army of zombies under her command, to fight the monsters of the town, and free her sister's soul. Because bringing people to die makes her such a likeable protagonist. To compound matters, and to make them all the more dumber and nonsensical, we must also contend with Dr. Troy Abernathy, a former psychiatrist who got stuck in the town, and had no significant contribution to the plot, yet somehow had the first freaking issues devoted to him! And on top of all of that, apparently a version of Silent Hill's resident cult was also around led by a mysterious man named What-ley, and I know I'm supposed to pronounce it "Whate-ley" after the minor character from one H.P Lovecraft story, but, screw that, this doesn't deserve proper pronunciation!
Linkara: (cont. voiceover) Anyway, the story ended stupidly with Lauryn somehow figuring out she had the power of Greyskull, and she was gonna watch over the town, and the doctor said if we fight like animals, we'll die like animals, and Captain Picard played poker with the rest of the cast ...di...what, what? Oh, sorry, my mind kinda drifted off there to better places. I don't understand this at all, Scott Ciencin, the writer, wrote almost all of the Silent Hill comics. The only exception I could find was "Silent Hill: Sinner's Reward", and guess what, THAT ONE DOESN'T SUCK! Why did they keep handing this crap to him? "Sinner's Reward" got cut back by an issue, because no one trusted Silent Hill comics anymore to buy them, instead we got at least thirteen freaking stories that had nothing to do with the games outside of random references to them!
Linkara: So with all that, let's dig into "Sailient Heil: Dead/Alive #1 and #2". ...What, it ain't Silent Hill, so why should I call it that?
Linkara: (voiceover) But what is Silent Hill? Well, just look back at last year's review and I explained it. If you're a lazy jerk, then it's an evil town that likes to stab at symbolism into you while playing with your head. And there isn't a Christabella anywhere in Silent Hill.
(Picture of Christabella from the Silent Hill movie adaptation appears)
Linkara: (voiceover) THAT DOESN'T COUNT! We're not looking at the covers this time around since I'm reading from the trade (paperback), but I will say they're definately improved from last year. We actually have some genuinely disturbing imagery, though a lot of it is ruined by freakin' Christabella's ugly noggin shoved into them. Oh, and then there's our title: Dead/Alive. Great, we got the Scrodinger's cat of comic books, here. Speaking of, I never understood that, the cat isn't dead and alive, it's one or the other. You can't just see which one it is. It's like saying because I can't remember if I turned a light on or off in another room, the light exists in a state of both on and off. Yeah try explaining that on your electricity bill: "No you see, the light was both on and off, so you should only charge me half of this."
Linkara: And yes, I know this has nothing to do with the comic, I'm trying to put off talking about this thing for as long as I can.
Iron Liz: Oh yeah, you never go off on wild tangents on your show.
Linkara: Oh, whatever!
Linkara: (voiceover) We open to Christabella and some random human silloettes standing over a bleeding guy.
Christabella: You're confused, desperate, terrified...
Linkara: (looking annoyed) YES!
Christabella: You don't understand what's happening. Are you awake? Dreaming?
Linkara: Are you making a suggestion? Because I'll gladly go to sleep right now.
Christabella: Is this hell?
Linkara: Almost certainly!
Christabella: What are all these things? Why do they want to strip your skin off, chew on your guts, and hollow out your skull?
Linkara: They need better hobbies?
Christabella: Why do I think that's funny?
(cut to MST3K clip)
Tom Servo: I know, let's play the "quiet game"!
Linkara: (voiceover) By the way, Christabella's eye has returned even though in "Dying Inside" it got shot out. Now one might think that it's just the artist making a goof, but we later see that Christabella can change her appearence. If that's the case, then why the hell does she always appear as an annoying little girl with a wound in her stomach? If you're a demonic entity, aren't there like thousands of forms you could take instead? Anyway, Christabella feels the need to monologue to us about Silent Hill, even though the only people to be interested in a comic like this would be Silent HIll fans.
Christabella: A long time ago, longer than all the time I've been dead, Silent Hill was overrun with life. Happy, disgusting, pathetic lives. It was a romantic getaway, a good place to raise the kids.
Linkara: You know, frankly, I've played Silent Hill 2, now, and gone through the place. Silent Hill is a rat-hole of a town, and I sincerely doubt that anyone had fun even before the demons got there.
Christabella: A place that made you think of Jimmy Stewart, and angels, and how wonderful life could be.
(cut to a clip of Silent Hill 2, more specifically, the scene where James and Maria first meet)
Maria: So, the hotel was your "special place", huh? I bet it was. Don't get so mad...
(Text: Yeah, THAT makes me think of Jimmy Stewart.)
Christabella: Some people fixed all of that.
Linkara: (as Christabella) They were called ...the government.
Linkara: (voiceover) The artwork has devolved into grade school classes just learning perspective drawing. Oh, and hey look, a famous Silent Hill monster ...Trapezoid Head.
Christabella: And me? I'm GOD here!
Linkara: (rubbing his temples) Remeber when Silent Hill was scary? Yeah, those were good times.
Christabella: Now it's time to open that yummy-nummy rainbow inside your belly, and see what you had for...
Linkara: I've got this horrible feeling that whatever the hell that sentence meant, that's about as coherant as it's gonna get.
Linkara: (voiceover) All of the sudden, Christabella wakes up, and everythings monochome, now. Yeah, because obviously in her dreams, it's important that everything be hideously brown when the real world is hideously grey. But yeah, Christabella wakes up, and someone drives her away to get to "school". I'm guessing it's our womanizing pal, Troy Abernathy here, not that the comic bothers to tell us what the Sam Hill just happened. We cut to the small town of Ashton, Vermont, where we meet Connie Mills.
Connie: (diary page) If you're reading this, shame on you, a girl's diary is private!
Linkara: (voiceover) Okay, I'll admit, that does get a chuckle out of me, if only because since comics stopped using thought balloons, I've wondered where some of these first-person narrative caption boxes are supposed to be coming from.
Connie: (diary page) I'm just your average girl. I work at a health care clinic. I collect bugs...
Linkara: Yeah, just like any small town girl that works at a health clinic. ...wait...
Connie: (diary page) One time, I loved someone so much, I think it cost me a piece of my soul.
Linkara: (rubbing temple) Urgh! Insert your own Twilight joke, here!
Harvey Finevoice: What, you ain't even gonna try, kid?
Linkara: I could, but what would be the point, it's just getting old, now!
Linkara: (voiceover) Connie runs into that annoying old lady that anyone might run into at a supermarket, who won't shut their gob. In this case, she's talking about some up and coming hollywood star named Kenneth Carter, who can't keep it in his pants. However, it hits Connie a little close to home since apparently, she used to know Ken, and naturally, despite Connie clearly not wanting to talk about it, the old lady just keeps flapping her jaw, and asking if Ken's penis is really as big as they say it is. Naturally, the grocery store they are at starts fading into the otherworld of Silent Hill, with the words "Empty Vessel" scrawled in everywhere, which is what happens, I'm sure, to anyone who is trapped with an annoying person who needs to be yelled at. Connie is suddenly grabbed from behind by some muscular spector, but the old lady doesn't see any of it until Connie vanishes. And scrawled for no reason on the ground is, "Silent Hill". What is the town leaving it's autograph after taking it's victims, now? Back in the hill, Christabella is forced to go through a badly drawn existance of a happy town, where the teacher mocks her for not having any power, and a little kid tells her about puppies and finger painting. Yeah, this is all supposed to be some happy-go-lucky dreamland, but if that's the case, then why the hell is everything so depressingly brown and grey?! On the way home, she wants to go see a dead body nailed to a wall with the words: "Attack tourists? See what you get. Lauryn's Law." written next to it.
Linkara: So Lauryn, the psychotic jerk from Dying Inside has become a tyrant of Silent Hill since last we saw her. WHO'S SURPRISED?
Christabella: Lauryn did this. Did all of this. Turned Silent Hill into an F-ing greeting card.
Linkara: Yeah, a greeting card with a rotting corpse attached to the wall!
Linkara: (voiceover) The little demon girl who nobody cares about but the writer looks out the window to see Lauryn making out with some random guy. So what, are there other people in Silent Hill? Is that her boyfriend she tossed out of town? What? That night, Christabella wakes up to discover the mists of Silent Hill returning, much to her glee. She leaves her room seeing Troy unconsious. She can't get to Lauryn whose room is chained up similarly to the titular room of "Silent Hill 4: The Room". Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Random Silent Hill references that make no sense! It's like Scott Ciencin desperately jumping up and down yelling, "See? SEE? This is Silent Hill, and not just some dumb horror story that I made up, but no one wanted to publish, because it doesn't make any sense!" Christabella walks outside and sees some demons. She calls out to them, hoping to get them to break down Lauryn's door, but, then it bites her...apparently. I'm only guessing, since all we see is this shot from behind with the demon at least five feet away, then a shot of Christabella turning her head and yelling that it bit her, and then a shot of her arm.
Christabella: I've got a freaking pulse!
Linkara: Oh? Hmhmhmhmhmhm!
Christabella: I don't want to be a real girl!
Linkara: (voiceover) Wait a second, this is suggesting that Christabella is alive again, and can be hurt? You're saying we can see Christabella in pain?
Linkara: Huh, I don't know what it is, but I'm suddenly enjoying this story, a lot more.
Linkara: (voiceover) We cut to ...uh, 3 silloettes with intestines hanging out, and a guy in a car that's slowly being engulfed by water. Oh, wait, it's a movie, and it's that Kenneth Carter guy they metioned earlier. Anyway, Ken here is talking to his non-supportive, drug-addled, jerk of a girlfriend, when his dog comes running up.
Ken: What is it Bear? How's the good puppy?
Linkara: Who names their dog "Bear"?
(See's his teddy bear)
Linkara: Oh, hai, doggie!
(close up of the bear with children laughing creepily in the background, shocking Linkara)
Linkara: (voiceover) Ken also has a series of disturbing paintings, also of something straight out of a lovecraft story. Why does he have them?
Ken: You never know what's real and what isn't here in Hollywood. In this town, these are like society's restraints all stripped away. What people are, stripped bare, not good, not evil, just instinct.
Linkara: So, our instincts are hideously demonic skulls, breasts in the shape of spirals, and half of our heads cut off? You know, maybe you spent far too much time in Hollywood.
Linkara: (voiceover) Ken gets a phone call from a private investigator firm that he's hired to find his parents, since he doesn't know who they were. However, they've called him to let him know about Connie's disappearence, and why would this investigation firm that was hunting his parents call him about Connie? He starts packing, and the girlfriend, who was doing lines of coke during the phone call... I can see why he decided to stick with her and not Connie ...rants at him about how she's just a bimbo as he only cares about Connie. Then, the girlfriend turns into a demonic apparition without a face. We cut back to Christabella who has beaten some demon dogs with a tire iron. Here's a dumb question, if Christabella can feel pain now, how come that injury to her stomach isn't killing her right now? She runs into an antique store for safety, but instead finds some unseen demonic force.
Demonic Force: You did some very bad things, Christabella. You opposed the order. You tried to take our god's power as your own. Bad girls get punished, if they're lucky. Brats, we just dispose of.
Linkara: Ooh, hang on a second! Let me get some popcorn!
Christabella: Wait...I...Let's deal!
(Linkara grudgingly gets back on his futon with a sour look on his face)
Linkara: (sighs) I hate this comic.
Linkara: (voiceover) Back at Ken's house of crazy, he's washing his face and trying to convince himself that what he saw wasn't real, but then sees his eyes are bleeding, only that it's actually just on the mirror.
Ken: The mirror's...bleeding. The walls are meat. The world is meat.
Linkara: (voiceover) Hey, finally something Silent-Hill esque disturbing! Let's see how we can ruin it by not making any sense. All of a sudden, there's this thing made out of meat and tentacles that's vaguely humanoid. Is it the walls? Is it his mirror image? I have no idea, because now we see Ken kicking something. I think the implication is that he kicked his mirror and went straight through it. Why does he have a big space behind his mirror?
Ken: We're all just meat in this town. Hey, F-face, ever wonder if a glass dagger could cut your head clean off?
Linkara: (in a gruff voice) What, no, I never wondered that? Why would I...?
Treyguard from Knightmare: Ooooh! Nasty!
Ken: My house! What's happened to my house?
Linkara: Yeah, I don't think you'll be able to paint over that, dude.
Linkara: (voiceover) All of his paintings have vanished, replaced with bright white lights. His dog leaps through one of them as if it was a portal, and a woman appears walking up to him.
Ken: But this...all this...
Lenora: Oh yes, you don't know what real. Whether you're awake or dreaming.
Morpheus from The Matrix: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real?
Lenora: In ways, your normal way of being, and what makes you so perfect right now. Alive. Dead. One and the same...
Linkara: Yeah, Not really, no matter how much you try to wax philosophical.
Lenora: You want to find your darling, Connie, don't you? The one bit of truth you've ever known in a world of lies.
Linkara: You know, if this was actually anything like Silent Hill, the next four issues would be Ken walking around town asking, "Have you seen a girl around here, somewhere? She's about this tall..."
Linkara: (voiceover) Anyway, Lenora tells him that something new is coming to make the world bleed, and she is its messanger, and that the one she works for has a part for him to play.
Ken: There you are now, or as you will be when we're through with you. A little peroxide, the right wardrobe, some contacts, a little insight, your next big role. The blond-haired, blue-eyed, blood-stained, boy next door. The deep thinker. The killer with Nietzsche in one hand, an axe in the other.
Linkara: (as Lenora) Tim Burton is producing. We already got Johnny Depp lined up to play a deranged cartoon rabbit. The working title is, "That Which Does Not Kill You". Meryl Streep plays the president.
Linkara: (voiceover) Oh, looky, another random Silent Hill reference, the Twin Victims demon from Silent Hill 4...Moving on then, so Lenora has the demons take him, one wonders how beings that walk on their only two hands pull that off, but hey, whatcha gonna do? And so our comic ends with Ken suddenly finding himself in SIlent Hill where Christabella pretends to be an innocent little girl asking for his help, plus a bunny doll to hide the big stomach wound on her that's still there for some reason. And, her eye is bleeding just like Lenora's, let's try to explain that, shall we? Issue 2 begins, at least in the individual comic, with a bullcrap narration on the cover page that explains the plot so far.
Narrator: Scheming to take back all the power that was once her's, and more, Christabella strikes a bargain with Lenora, a witch who now molds and shapes the fate of Silent Hill in place of Christabella's big sister Lauryn.
Linkara: When the hell did that happen? I thought Christabella was talking to a representative of the Order! You know, that cult that's responsible for all the demonic crap in Silent Hill? The thing that made for a much more interesting story than this one?
Ken: (narrating) I walked through a painting of a place that's not supposed to exist, and found myself in a nightmare.
Linkara: Please, he's a Hollywood actor, he probably sees this crap six times on the way to his trailer.
Ken: I have blood and crap on me from a monster I kicked and carved to death in my own bathroom, a room that was somehow turned to meat from floor to ceiling.
Linkara: (as Ken) And it dripped on my hand, so, YUCK!
Linkara: (voiceover) Anyway, we see images of Ken's dog running around and chasing a butterfly, until it runs into a monster with a cthulu face. Seriously, Scot Ciencin, if you wanted to write Lovecraft so damn much, why didn't you just freakin' write Lovecraft?! The dog kinda barks and sniffs at the monster which leaks blood before proclaiming that it will eat it alive. Why are the monsters talking?
Monster: Dog not afraid? Want...beef jerky? Uhh...Alright, have...beef jerky.
(Linkara stares at the comic confusingly)
Linkara: Huh. I think I like this new comic better.
Linkara: (voiceover) Seriously, "Demon and Dog"! I can see Spielberg attached to this. Ken and Christabella go out into the streets where tons of demons are walking around, looking at them, but ignoring them.
Ken: What is this place?
Christabella: I...I'm not sure. Hell, maybe?
Linkara: Rotting corpses walking around, everything looks decayed...probably Los Angeles.
Linkara: (voiceover) While the monsters aren't attacking them yet, he wants to go someplace safe before they decide to.
Ken: I know the dangers that wait inside them, from my dreams...
Linkara: (voiceover) Hi, Trapezoid Head!
Ken: From Ike's paintings.
Linkara: Okay, confession time. To my irritation, this is not just a sequel to Dying Inside. You see, there were three other Silent Hill comics in between Dying Inside and Dead/Alive.
Linkara: (voiceover) "Among the Damned", "Paint it Black", and "The Grinning Man". Guess how many of them actually had something to do with Silent Hill...NONE OF THEM! They were all written by Scott Ciencin, TOO! I admit, I haven't read them, myself, but apparently they feature the Whateley guy or some bullcrap like that! From what I can tell, the only one that actually has some significance here is Paint it Black, which is about an artist named Ike, who created vivid paintings of the horrors of Silent Hill, and traveled into the paintings to get into the town and back again. And again, these may have been decent enough horror stories on their own, if they, one, didn't have the Silent Hill label on them, and two, actually made a damn bit of SENSE! Back to our story already in progress, Ken narrates about how part of him loves Silent Hill.
Ken: I knew it represented truth, a brutal, terrible truth. It's honest...
(Clip from Silent Hill 3, specifically a scene where Heather talks to Vincent)
Heather: Are you talking to me about the monsters?
Vincent: Monsters? They looked like monsters, to you?
Linkara: Yeah, see, this is what happens when you just read a monster list on Wikipedia, instead of actually LEARNING about the damn games!
Linkara: (voiceover) The two pop into a nearby convenience...uh...something? I think it's a theater. Ken starts rifling through a whole bunch of papers to discover his own birth certificate, and photos of himself as a kid, and also his real name before being put up for adoption: Joshua Reynolds. Well, whoop-de-crap! That has no significance, whatsoever! Christabella feigns being hurt so she doesn't have to keep hiding the wound, but apparently the blood is dried. I'm sorry comic, but you can't get away with this. Either she's still injured, or she isn't! If she isn't, and this is all just an illusion, then why is she still wearing that blood-stained dress? We saw her bleeding out of the eyes earlier, so obviously, she could affect her appearence! In the distraction caused by Christabella, all the files they discover vanish.
Linkara: Oh no, the meaningless, plot cul-de-sac is over! Now they actually have to do something!
Linkara: (voiceover) They wander into an auditorium full of zombies and nurse demons and Lenora talks to Christabella to remind her of their deal that they apparently had. The curtains are pulled aside and a newsreel starts.
Linkara: (voiceover, while news music plays and talking in deep accent) World of the Future! So here you are, cruising down Santa Monica, not a care in the world, then a complete F***wad cuts you off and nearly forced you off the road, Do you chase after him and try to get even, pull your 9mm and splatter his brains? No Need! Look at him now, laughing, acting like he got away with it. But gee, what's that bearing down on him from up above? Plan for dealing with all this garbage, and we think you'll like it.
Linkara: Yeah, by the way, the only reason that this pointless bit is funny is because I added the music.
Ken: What is this?
Christabella: The future.
Linkara: (Christabella) In the future, we're all going to have personally hell squids to kill people who annoy us. And our own personal jet packs on the moon.
Linkara: (voiceover) Anyway the film tries to convince Ken to become a psycho-killer for some reason... and Connie appears on the screen.... but the image starts to decay as it keeps talking. Meanwhile, back in the real world kens agent shows up at his place and finds his girlfriend with an axe through her head, and writing in blood on the walls. However, unless it says "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE" I do not care about what it says. Ken gets shown that it was done to make it look like he killed her, but Ken then realizes that it isn't really Connie talking to him, but Lenora in disguise. "S'OH MY GOD!!" And then she dresses in a kitchen rug and like a nun for some reason.... Oh goody, Troy shows up. Hey Troy I see you still got tentacle chest hairs, you should really have someone look at that. Lenora isn't worried about it, but is curious since she thought anything related to Lauren had been wiped from the town.
Linkara: I wish everything that was related to this junk was gone.
Linkara: (voiceover) If i haven't made this clear yet, allow me to do so. THIS IS NOT SCARY!!!! And for a horror comic, the intention is to scare us. The artwork is terrible and the inks are so heavy that i can barely distinguish the horrific imagery. And it kinda undermines your hideous creature if it befriends a dog and gives it beef jerky. This is painful and boring, no one cares about these people! Why does Lenora give a crap about some random actor in Hollywood being a killer!?! What the Hell Happened to Lauren!? Why is Christabella still around and how did she strike a deal with Lenora? What could she possibly offer to her when we see that even Lenora can change her appearance and could have just acted as Christabella as if having her interact with Ken was in anyway important to their plan??!! Troy says that Ken should be killed too for some reason... and meanwhile our true protagonist, the dog, comes across some liquor dogs from Silent Hill 4. Anyway back to the Moron Brigade. Troy explains that the people in the theater are actually nothing but memories from a time before Silent Hill went to Hell.
Linkara: (annoyed) Nobody was asking Troy!!
Linkara: (voiceover) All of a sudden I guess the trapezoid heads attack Troy.. I think, since we just randomly cutting to Lenora, the Demons, the suddenly to this panel where their fighting and Ken is talking.
Ken: Christabella, The Pyramid heads, they're slowing him down, we've got to run.
Linkara: (voiceover) One, that is not a freaking pyramid, at best it is a wedge, I should probably be calling them door-stopper heads. Two, How do you even know to call them Pyramid heads? Three, How are they slowing him down? His tentacle chest hairs seem to be moving around just fine. Four, I really REALLY hate this comic.
Christabella: Dr. Troy, you're dead.
Troy: Yes, You killed me, i was a noted psychiatrist, I had a life.
Linkara: Dude, I read dying inside, you did not.
Christabella: I'm feeling something deep inside, almost like a gift, or a family inheritance. I guess I had to be alive to get it.
Lenora: Your sister's power, NO!
Linkara: (voiceover) And Christabella makes Troy explode I guess, Oh Yeah, i remember, Lauren supposedly had super magical powers at the end of dying inside to fight demons. Makes about as much sense now as it did then. Troy's still alive, but Christabella prepares to use her powers to attack Lenora, but she collapses, worn out from the sudden use of her maxi-extreme ultra super flower power things that she has now. Ken carries Christabella out, Lenora's saying not to because she's irredimable, but since Ken says that she's afraid of Christabella, that's a good enough reason to help her. However, as they get outside, they're confronted by a bunch of demons. Christabella's to exhausted to use her new-found abilites meaning that their screwed. And so our comic ends with the arrival of Ike Issac's, real imaginative parents there, the painter guy i mentioned, carrying a bunch of guns and surrounded by our hero, the dog, and the demon dogs from earlier.
Ike: Anyhoo, this hot goth chick with like a smokin' mohawk sent me to help, Great kisser seriously. And I found your dog and his pals, So what's say we **** these things up, grab your girlfriend, give what for to that bitch Lenora, Then find a way out of here?
Linkara: (Rubbing his face in disgust) Ya know, Phelous says that American developers didn't understand the series when they made "Silent Hill, Homecoming." But man, they didn't have anything on THIS! (holding up comic)
Linkara: (Looking on in disgust) You did not just do that.
Linkara: (looks on disgusted and angry for several seconds) (whispering) excuse me for one moment.
(Walks off his futone, off screen, and proceeds to yell and screem randomly in disgust for several seconds in anger, before walking back, and picking up the comic angrily).
Linkara: (voiceover) THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST COMICS I'VE EVER READ IN MY LIFE, AND THAT LINE RIGHT THERE SHOWS WHY!! SCOTT CIENCEN IS AN IDOIT WHO RIPPED OFF ONE OF THE GREATEST LINES OF THE EVIL DEAD MOVIES!!!! NO THAT IS NOT AN AMAGE TO IT, SINCE SUCH A LINE IN THIS CONTEXT, IN THIS FRANCHISE, HAS NO PLACE THERE!!! THE ARTWORK IS TERRIBLE WITH UNFINISHED BACKGROUNDS, MURKY COLORING AND CONFUSING STORY-TELLING!! THE STORY ITSELF IS FULL OF HOLES AND MAKES LESS SENSE THAN LAST YEARS NONSENSE, AND I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT NO ONE, NOT A SINGLE PERSON AT IDW PUBLISHING BOTHERED TO SLAP THIS MORON AND HIRE SOMEONE WHO KNEW WHAT THEY WERE DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Linkara: AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT THERE ARE THREE MORE ISSUES TO GO!!!
Iron Liz: Well you picked them out.
Harvey Finevoice: Really is his own fault.
Linkara: Would you people put a sock in it, I........
(Pollo the robot pops up around the corner)
Pollo: I heard screaming, are you Ok?
Linkara: I would, if people stopped interrupting me!!!
Pollo: What people?
Linkara: THEM! (turns to point to Liz, and finevoice, only to find that they have disappeared)
Pollo: Linkara, you've been here alone, all day.
(Linkara tries to make sense of the situation, before staring into the camera confused)