Announcer: Good evening and welcome to That Guy Riffs. Today, That Guy looks at the first cartoon ever to be made about Superman entitled...Superman. Sit back and enjoy. (makes a weird noise)

Paramount logo appears

Doug: Paramount: Making the best animated films that Nickelodeon's table scraps can give us!

Fade in to the sky with Superman flying above

Doug: (as Superman) I'M ON FIRE!!!!

Man: Up in the sky! Look!

Woman: It's a bird!

Man: It's a plane! It's Superman!

Superman logo pops up and the credits roll

Doug: Yes, Superman. The Man of Steel. The Son of Krypton. Disguised as mild-mannered reporter Clark Kent, Superman spends most of his time trying to get nookie from Lois Lane. But she won't put out until he marries, so they got married and live in his Fortess of Sex-itude. But then they discover that Superman couldn't get it up in the sky. The Man of Steel was a floppy deal. Lois was crushed and wanted a divorce but Superman refused to pay alimony and wanted custody of the kids. But Superman couldn't get custody because of his uncontrollable addiction to Jagerbombs. Superman tried to break in and steal his kids, but he was so drunk that he accidentally broke into the home of Bruce Wayne, who fought him off with his Kryptonite nunchuks. Thus Superman spends most of his days punching his dog Krypto, drinking himself to oblivion while Lois stands on the ledge of rooftops and cries.

We properly start the cartoon IN SPACE!!!

Narrator: In the endless reaches of the universe, there once existed a planet known as Krypton, a planet that burned like a green star in the distant heavens.

Doug: They called it the Sour Ball Planet.

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.