10 Nostalgia Chick - Thumbelina

April 25th, 2009
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Nostalgia Chick: Hi, I'm your Nostalgia Chick and- (looks at an imaginary watch) Oh! Is it Don Bluth time again already?

NCh (voiceover): I'd like to propose a theory. (A chart showing the quality of Disney movies and Don Bluth films is shown.) The profitability and quality of any given Don Bluth movie, is an inverse proportion to how well the Disney company is doing. This includes Pixar.

NCh: Think about it...

NCh (vo): ...Don Bluth peaked pretty early. His first feature, The Secret of NIMH, is not only widely considered his opus, but came out in 1982, when the Disney animation Studio was in the pits.

NCh: They were making nothing. So not only was Don Bluth in the bank, he actually got to make movies that didn't suck. There were even some of them...good. So what happened?

(Footage from The Little Mermaid is shown as music from Young Frankenstein plays in the background.)

NCh: Oh... Mermaid.

NCh (vo): I'm gonna get on a small pedestal and say my piece. It was not The Little Mermaid that caused the Disney Renaissance. Not really. That Honor belongs to Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The Little Mermaid just put that godforsaken Disney musical 90s formula in place.

NCh: So, what does this have to do with Don Bluth?

NCh (vo): "And hey," you say, "that proof isn't totally true." After all, Anastasia made money, right? Not, as much as a Disney movie, but it did make money.

NCh: Yes, but, let's be real here. This was Don Bluth throwing in the towel. This was him saying, "All right, Disney, you win...

NCh (vo): ...With your princesses and your musicals and your coming-of-age stories with sweeping, snarky romances. You win." If you can't beat them, join them. Copy the Disney formula and marketing strategy and you will make money.

NCh: And they did. But by god, Anastasia weren't the first time he tried. There's a teeny tiny little tweed little blip on his radar a few years before, with much more unfortunate results.

Opening for Thumbelina plays

NCh (vo): There it is: Thumbelina, that saucy little whore.

Thumbelina: That's me!

NCh: And in a lot of ways, this one is a much more blatant Disney ripoff than Anastasia.

NCh (vo): What was the first big success of the so-called renaissance? Based on a Hans Christian Anderson story so lets do a Hans Christian Anderson story. About I don't know, wanting to be something your not. And lets make her a redhead. They even had the balls to use the same voice actress as the titular character.

Ursula: Your voice!

Ariel: My voice?

Thumbelina: My voice!

Beatle: Don't talk. Sing! Editor's note: you can edit the transcript here.

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