Tom and Jerry: Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
July 25, 2017
"This really happened? It sure did! Our favorite cat and mouse with our favorite candy man to make our biggest blunder."
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. (long pause) So it's come to this.
(Footage of the following film that surprisingly exists is shown)
NC (vo): Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. That's a lot of "and"s for this title. And one of them should clearly not be there at goddamn all!
(Cut to shots of Tom and Jerry and the original Willy Wonka in order)
NC (vo): I like Tom and Jerry. I like Willy Wonka. But similar to welcomely-divorced parents, just because I like them individually does not mean they shouldn't stay miles away from each other.
NC: I talked about Willy Wonka and Tom and Jerry...
NC (vo): ...at great lengths on this show...
(Cut back to this crossover film)
NC (vo): ...so it figures we should look over their latest cash grab of inconvenience.
NC: And for those not aware, this is not the first time something like this has happened with Tom and Jerry.
(Cut to a montage of shots and footage of films showing Tom and Jerry (and other MGM cartoon characters) inexplicably appearing in cartoon versions of classic films, starting with Tom and Jerry: Robin Hood and His Merry Mouse)
NC (vo): They've taken a strange direction in the past couple of years, in that... there is no direction.
(Cut to footage of another film that merges MGM cartoon characters with a classic movie: Tom and Jerry & The Wizard of Oz – oh, yeah, that happened!)
NC (vo): They're now tied in with classic stories turned into classic films, despite there being absolutely no connection. They're almost line for line, they just somehow sneak Tom and Jerry into there.
NC: Nobody cared too much, as these properties were so big and so overused that nothing really seemed that surprising.
(Cut back to footage of the Tom and Jerry Willy Wonka movie)
NC (vo): But something about this one drove the Internet bonkers, maybe because...
(Cut to posters for the two Willy Wonka movies)
NC (vo): ...cinematically, Willy Wonka has only two versions.
(Cut to a montage of still shots of the original movie)
NC (vo): And, even though it's for kids, it still holds a slightly cynical edge that seems to be strangely contemporary, even though it came out years and years ago...
(Cut to a quick montage of images of this film spoofed in pop culture: the Marilyn Manson album "Smells Like Children"; Pawtucket Pat from Family Guy; "Fry and the Slurm Factory", an episode of Futurama)
NC (vo): ...being lovingly satirized and referenced even today.
(Cut back to another montage of clips from the Tom and Jerry Willy Wonka movie)
NC (vo): So, is this the film to suck out that unique edge from a timeless classic?
NC: (hesitantly) Well... yeah. This is Tom and Jerry and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
(The film begins, with a classic Tom and Jerry title card, with the T&J theme playing)
NC: (grinning) Oh, it's just like watching a Tom and Jerry cartoon! This should make all the Willy Wonka fans happy!
(Cut back to the film title: now it resembles the opening to Willy Wonka, with chocolate flowing in the background, while "Pure Imagination" plays in the background)
NC: Oh, it's just like watching Willy Wonka! This should make all the Tom and Jerry fans happy! (becomes frustrated and holds up two fingers) You see the problem, you first two seconds?!
(The opening credits are played along with the original film's credits to prove it's an exact animated version of them)
NC: Though, at least, everybody can’t sing in this one.
(The movie begins with Tom and Jerry, as always, chasing and hurting each other in the streets of a small town)
NC (vo): Funny enough, the opening is... funny enough. Yeah, Tom and Jerry do some slapstick, chasing each other round, looking for food, and it's... not badly done. Even Tom's scream seems humorously appropriate.
(Cut to one scene in the film, where Tom and Jerry sneak into a building. The window closes on Tom, making him scream loudly. Jerry stuffs a pot with a small tree in Tom's mouth to shut him up)
NC (vo): But Jerry escapes into a candy store, and...
NC: ...with no tie-in or even introduction...
NC (vo): ...the "Candy Man" song begins!
(The shop owner, Bill, sings the song as the kids gather round him)
Bill: (singing) Who can take a sunrise? / Sprinkle it with dew?
NC: Why, this is as well-woven as a web that's trying to ensnare and kill you.
NC (vo): Oh, come on, it's a shot-for-shot remake and you couldn't even animate (clip of...) that kid getting thwacked with the counter?
(Cut to clip of the aforementioned scene fully animated)
NC (vo): Wait, spoke too soon. (creeped out) This is already weird...
(Cut to scene of Tom setting off a mousetrap which was inside of a bowl full of candy)
NC: Who puts a mousetrap in candy? The Candy Man's a psycho!
NC (vo): Something else that you'll notice is that, for what it is, the animation clearly has effort put into it. It's colorful, smooth, gets chunks of the slapstick right... It's not half-bad.
NC: But then you realize it's not half-good either.
(Cut to clips of deformed-looking animation from the film)
NC (vo): As for all its talent, it still looks rushed out. And, most likely, there was no time to redo a drawing if one looks slightly off.
NC: Because of this, I'm going to do my Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count!
(A caption appears below, reading "FACES EATING YOUR SOUL WHILE YOU LOOK AT THEM COUNT", along with a picture of one such face, courtesy of Charlie Bucket. The counter quickly raises to 1, as we are greeted with a terrifying freeze-frame of Charlie, with Satanic sounds playing in the background)
NC: (visibly terrified) Oh, that's a good one to start off with.
(Cut to Charlie looking at the shop, and meeting up with Tom and Jerry)
NC (vo): Charlie totally ignores the fact that free candy is being handed out, and instead stops Tom from eating Jerry.
Charlie: I had to do that. I couldn't let you eat that poor mouse. Things can't be that bad, can they?
NC: (points angrily) Hey, don't you encourage that! We all know where this mindset leads!
(We are shown the "Friends to the End" song from Tom and Jerry: The Movie)
Tom and Jerry: (singing) The greatest gift in life's a friend!
(Cut to a clip of George C. Scott from the film Hardcore)
Jake VanDorn (Scott): (grabbing head in agony) TURN IT OFF!
(Cut back to today's film)
NC (vo): Charlie feels bad for the both of them being hungry, so he gives them the bread that he was going to give his family.
NC: Well, wait, then how does the later scene go?
(Cut to the aforementioned scene of Charlie greeting his grandparents)
Charlie: Grandpa George, Grandma Georgina, Grandma Josephine, Grandpa Joe. (Charlie leans forward violently) Cabbage soup?
(NC flinches and lets out a frightened scream)
NC (vo): Could you lean forward with a little less intensity?
Charlie: I'm tired of cabbage water. Tonight, we're gonna have a real banquet. (produces loaf of bread) I had two of them, but I gave one to some new friends.
NC: So, George and Georgina will still eat the shitty cabbage water, but the rest of us, we eat like royalty!
(Cut to a scene of Tom and Jerry attempting to break into the candy store. The truck of the store is shown driven by Spike the bulldog)
NC (vo): Tom and Jerry want to repay Charlie, so they try to sneak into the candy store and steal a crate of Wonka Bars. Thankfully, the delivery man is a dog...
NC: ...because coherent realities are dumb.
(We see Tom and Jerry later returning the candy to the store, while covering the bulldog guard with chocolate and sending him flying with two bottles acting like rockets)
NC (vo): Charlie, of course, tells them it's not right to steal, and they should return it. They put the crate back, while breaking and entering, and beating the crap out of the staff, breaking several more laws to account for one misdemeanor.
NC: (impression of Claude Frollo) My conscience is clear!
(We see Charlie at school)
NC (vo): Meanwhile, like in the film, a big announcement hits the school.
Mr. Turkentine: What's going on out there?!
(He opens the door, revealing a boy who's posing like he's on a fashion runway)
NC: Kid, were you just waiting at that door for someone to open it?
NC (vo): You look like you've been practicing that pose for hours.
(Cut to NC making several theatrical poses before settling for the one the kid in the film makes)
NC: Yeah, this one's good.
Kid: Willy Wonka is opening up his factory! You gotta buy Wonka Bars to find the tickets!
Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed!
NC (vo): After Charlie fantasizes about killing them...
(Clip of Charlie making a horrifying face whose only place is within the ninth circle of hell)
NC (vo): ...killing them all... (long pause) ...Tom and Jerry recommend they steal again that crate they stole before.
Charlie: No, it's not right, guys!
(Tom and Jerry start beating their heads against the wall)
NC: Funny fact, this is the artists' interpretation of what Hanna-Barbera would think of this film.
(Tom and Jerry continue beating their heads against the wall)
NC (vo): You know the drill: four kids find the Golden Tickets: Augustus Gloop, Veruca Salt, Mike Teavee, and Violet Beauregarde.
Violet: When I heard about this Wonka thing, I switched to chocolate, but then, I went straight–
(She is interrupted by the NC's obvious fear of her demonic facial expression)
NC: (flinches) Oh, that's another creepy face.
(Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count raises to 2, with yet another freeze-frame and more Satanic chanting)
NC (vo): And, at last, the fifth one is found by, to be fair, a pretty humorous cameo.
Droopy the Dog: (in Mexican attire, holding up a Golden Ticket) I've never been happier. Olé.
NC: Not only did they work in a Droopy cameo, but they also worked in a Mexican stereotype to go with all the other stereotypes!
NC (vo): Tom and Jerry recycle bottles to get some money to buy a bar...
NC: ...again, wondering how payment to animals works in this ecosystem...
NC (vo): But the coin falls down the drain, only to be picked up by Charlie.
NC: By God, all of that was needed!
(Cut to Charlie buying a Wonka Bar with the coin at the candy store)
Bill: One Wonka Bar it is!
NC (vo): And, of course, it's from the crate that Tom and Jerry had hidden away.
(Cut to Charlie seeing a news report, showing Droopy being arrested by police)
News Reporter: (speaking on a television set) The fifth golden ticket is a forgery. Alberto Minoleta has just been taken into custody by the police.
NC: Okay, as funny as that was, I am a little disturbed to see Droopy in cuffs.
NC (vo): Could he get the chair for this?
NC: If animals can make a living, I have no idea what the laws are like in this world!
NC (vo): Charlie, naturally, opens up the bar, finding the last Golden Ticket... after another creep face.
(Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count rises to 3, of course not without a freeze-frame and Satanic chanting)
NC: It's Scrum-Satan-lyumptious!
NC (vo): As you probably guessed, Slugworth stops him, and tells Charlie all about how he wants him to get an Everlasting Gobstopper from Wonka.
NC: But this time, there's three big differences.
NC (vo): One is, he's German.
Slugworth: (in a thick German accent) You must get a hold of an Everlasting Gobstopper and bring it to me, so I can find the secret formula!
NC: We have one of those stereotypes already, thank you. (picture of Augustus Gloop is shown)
NC (vo): Two, he moves like the skeleton of a pink elephant from Dumbo.
Slugworth: (while moving around spastically) The Everlasting Gobstopper. If he is successful, he'll bankrupt me!
NC: I think there's too many creepy faces to count for this one. We'll just do a cliff-note.
(A slideshow of many frightening Slugworth faces, with the Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count rising to eight, and of course more Satanic chanting)
NC (vo): Third, and – it's not easy to say this – strangest of all, he sings Veruca Salt's song "I Want It Now!"
Slugworth: (singing) I want it all!
NC: (visibly confused) What?
Slugworth: (singing) I want his whole world!
(Slugworth continues singing as NC becomes increasingly more flabbergasted)
Slugworth: (singing) I want to lock it all up in my pocket, it's my bar of chocolate!
NC: Why are you playing this here? It only ruins the song later when you play it again!
NC (vo): Also, the other kids didn't get a song! What makes Charlie so special? In fact, doesn't it make him see even more how untrustworthy this guy is? It makes no sense!
Slugworth: (singing, also he is now apparently graffiti on a wall for some reason) I want the works! I want the whole works! The world on my plate, it isn't too late...
NC: I'm so glad kids finally have a Nickelodeon version of Pink Floyd's The Wall.
NC (vo): (doing a SpongeBob impression) Squidward, we don't need no education. (laughs like SpongeBob)
Slugworth: (singing) Don't care how, I want it now!
NC (vo): But Charlie sinks him down the sewer, because his life is a joke, and he shows his family the ticket, causing that faker Grandpa Joe to suddenly start walking.
Grandpa Joe: (standing up from bed) I'm fine, Charlie, I'm fine. Look at me! (after no distinct pause whatsoever, he suddenly starts singing) I never thought my life could be...
NC (vo): Whoa, now that was a segue!
NC: (as Grandpa Joe) Oh, I'm fine, Charlie, I'm fi– LOOK AT ME! (singing and dancing) I never thought my life could be / Anything but catastrophe... (as himself) You're kind of acting like you knew it wouldn't.
NC (vo): Thank God we have Tom and Jerry fighting over this momentous occasion.
(As Grandpa Joe sings "I Got a Golden Ticket", throughout, we see Tom and Jerry chasing and fighting each other as usual, and we don't see much of Grandpa Joe dancing and singing)
Grandpa Joe: (singing) 'Cause I've got a Golden Ticket! (spoken) It's ours, Charlie! Here I go! Ha-ha, watch my speed!
NC: Yeah, I can't watch your speed, because you're not showing it!
NC (vo): Clearly, this movie wanted this miracle of healing to focus on violence and maiming!
NC: If I just showed you this scene...
(We are shown an image of an angry Tom holding a slipper as we see the shadows of Grandpa Joe and Charlie on the wall behind Tom)
NC (vo): ...would you think it's about a man who could walk again, or the three of them committing a murder?
NC: And don't let the fact that you're welcoming death influence you!
(And we go to a commercial. When we come back, we cut to the big day, showing the five kids and their carers waiting to go into the factory)
NC (vo): So the next day, they go to the factory, where all the Ren and Stimpy characters with their cheeks about to be ripped off, await. But pointless insert #12 arrives, as Grandpa Joe forgets his ticket, so Tom and Jerry use all their power of filler to get it back to him. But a bird sees the ticket and takes it to her nest on top of a stoplight to use as a pillow.
NC: As birds do.
(Cut to Violet Beauregarde being interviewed at the entrance of the factory)
Violet: Check out this stretch. (As she pulls the gum from her mouth and puts the hand back in, her eyes start looking in different directions)
NC (vo): Christ, are Violet's eyes trying to leave their sockets?
NC: We don't even need an Oompa-Loompa song for her! Nobody's gonna want to do what her creepy ass is doing!
(The freeze-frame of Violet is shown, while Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count is now 9. We are then shown Willy Wonka going out of the factory and approaching the crowd with a limp)
NC (vo): What I like about this scene of Wonka coming out, pretending to be disabled, is that...
(The same scene from the original movie is shown)
NC (vo): ...unlike the other film, where people just look a little confused, and maybe disappointed...
(Back to the T&J flick, and we see the families' and spectators' reaction)
NC (vo): ...the people in this one are downright pissed!
NC: A cane?! Piss on his corpse! You know who else had a cane? (picture of...) The Devil!
NC (vo): He, of course, tricks them, revealing your eighth nightmare tonight...
(The frame freezes on Wonka's off-model smile after he makes a flip, and the Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count turns to 10)
NC (vo): ...and Tom and Jerry sneak the ticket back into Joe's pocket.
Grandpa Joe: Where did I put it?
(As Grandpa Joe puts his hand in his coat pocket, Jerry goes into his trouser-leg and climbs right up to his undergarments...but fortunately for us, he pops out of Grandpa Joe's trouser pocket and puts the Golden Ticket in the coat pocket just in the nick of time)
NC (vo): (sounding scared) Oh, my God, is that what I think it is?! ...Oh, thank you, Jesus.
(Cut to Violet showing the Golden Ticket to Wonka and once again, her eyes point in different directions)
Violet: Violet Beauregarde.
Wonka: Darling child...
NC: Okay, that wasn't just one drawing!
NC (vo): You kept her eyes like that while she was talking!
NC: You're not even trying to hide your faces of death anymore!
(The clip of Tom and Jerry bumping their heads against the wall is shown once more. Cut to Wonka tipping his hat goodbye to the spectators, closing the door, and we are shown Tom and Jerry happily waving British, German and American flags. In the foreground, a puppy named Tyke is shown walking on a leash as a normal dog)
NC: W- Wait a minute. That dog was on a leash. (shifts eyes in total confusion. The clips of Spike and Droopy are shown briefly as NC speaks) If they can hold down jobs, own homes, and commit crimes, why do they still need to be on a leash?! Your world-building is as stable as a Jenga made out of wet toilet paper!
(The clip of Tom and Jerry bumping heads against the wall is shown yet again. Cut to them overhearing Slugworth openly explaining his plans to his assistant Spike)
NC (vo): But Tom and Jerry see Slugworth and even listen to his quote/unquote "evil plan".
Slugworth: By the end of the day, Charlie Bucket will get exactly what's coming to him. And then, this chocolate factory will have a new owner! (laughs evilly)
NC: (as Slugworth) I love cryptically explaining my good deeds! Muhahahahaha! Oh, look! (pretends to take something) I'm going to deliver this ice cream to the children's hospital! Muhahahaha! Won't that be nice of me?! Muhahahaha!
NC (vo): So Tom and Jerry sneak in to stop his quote/unquote "evil plan" and come across Tuffy as an Oompa-Loompa intern.
(Tom and Jerry see a shadow nearby, as a crossover between a kid voice and a deep voice is heard)
Voice: Who dares trespass into my candy factory?!
(Tuffy the mouse is revealed, dressed as an Oompa-Loompa)
Tuffy: Don't you know it's dangerous down here?
NC: (as Tuffy) Oh, and forget that hellish bass I had a second ago. We're never gonna explain it.
(We are shown the "Pure Imagination" scene, but at the same time, we see Tom and Jerry, now joined by Tuffy, in their usual antics)
NC (vo): They end up in the Chocolate Room, again, distracting from the enchanting moment with more slapstick.
Wonka: (singing) Anything you want to, do it. (strokes Mike Teavee's hair) Want to change the world...
NC: Yeah, that's just as creepy in animation as it was in live-action.
NC (vo): Of course, Augustus falls in and gets stuck in the pipe, and the Oompa-Loompas sing about it.
(We are shown an exact scene-by-scene replica of the Oompa-Loompa song, down to having the lyrics be shown in a black background)
Oompa-Loompa: (singing) What do you get when you guzzle down sweets?
NC (vo; sighs): They couldn't even have Tom and Jerry flying off the letters.
NC: See, even my shitty ideas are more inspiringly lazy than your shitty ideas!
(The whole group goes onto the Wonkatania and rides into the tunnel, leaving Tom, Jerry and Tuffy behind)
NC (vo): They get to the boat, and Tom and Jerry seem to miss it, but luckily, Tuffy has a boat just for him to catch up.
Tuffy: Good thing I always keep a spare boat by the river.
NC: There's so many "whys" and so little time, I'm gonna list them here. (A huge list of questions is shown) Feel free to go back and look at them if you wish. (The questions include, "Why does he have a spare boat? Why would an intern need his own? Why don't the other Oompa-Loompas have their own boats then? Why is it small, but still not his size? Why is it not bigger to carry more? Why didn't he go through the door like the other Oompa-Loompas? Why does he have one of Wonka's whistles? Did he steal it? Thief!")
(Tom, Jerry and Tuffy begin riding on the small boat)
NC (vo): They get into the boat, and sure enough, they go through...the tunnel.
NC: Okay, movie, I'm not gonna lie. (becomes excited) This is the one scene I'm looking forward to.
NC (vo): I just have to know: How does insanity depict insanity? (The famous image of the original Wonka in the tunnel is shown) What does a reflection of a reflection look like?
NC: You can't have the balls to have them... (Images of the following are shown) chop off a chicken's head or say "the fires of Hell". I actually have no idea what's in...
NC (vo): ...that goddamn thing! And I'm surprisingly excited to see your interpretation of it.
(NC clears his throat, slaps his face, and takes a deep breath)
NC: Okay... (stays silent for a moment) Okay, go.
(As Tom, Jerry and Tuffy ride in the non-stop colorful tunnel, Tuffy, looking hypnotized, suddenly starts singing)
Tuffy: There's no Earthly way of knowing...
NC: (starting to get creeped out and interested) Um, they're having Tuffy the Mouse do this scene?
Tuffy: There's no knowing where we're rowing...
NC: Are they actually saying the whole poem?
Tuffy: Is a hurricane a-blowing? (Several images appear on the tunnel walls, including a giant robot and a barking toy dog) Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing.
NC: Was that a toy dog in the background?
Tuffy: Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?
NC: (stunned, slaps his head) Oh, my God! He said it! He said the word "Hell"! It's officially in a Tom and Jerry cartoon!
Tuffy: (speaking louder and crazier) Is the grizzly reaper mowing? Yes! (Tom and Jerry, and NC, become frightened as Tuffy, now going fully crazy, says the last line) And they're certainly not showing ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!
NC: THIS IS AMAZI-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-ING!!!
(Tuffy lets out a loud and EXTREMELY crazy scream, with NC's reaction shown via quick close-up cuts, before the boat suddenly stops, sending Tom, Jerry and Tuffy flying into the Inventing Room. NC puts his hands down, completely shocked and stunned)
NC: Did that really just happen?! No joke, this might actually be more insane than the original!
(An image of the boat scene in the original is shown, before showing this movie's version of the scene)
NC (vo): The first one had people's fears. It wanted to scare and frighten them. This has a toy dog, an Oompa Loompa who's also a mouse, a kid mouse, with a cute little lisp, in a Tom and Jerry cartoon where they say the word "Hell"!
NC: Don't get me wrong, I know Gene Wilder is terrifying in the original... but look at this!
Tuffy: ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!
NC: LOOK... AT... THIS!
(Tuffy screams loudly and crazily)
NC: I'm... not saying this is better than the original, not by a long shot, but I am saying, it's crazier... and it's kind of the best thing in the movie.
(The Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count appears again when the clip of Tuffy screaming is shown in slow-motion)
NC: We don't need that; it goes without saying.
(Several scenes described next are shown)
NC (vo): Sadly, the boring kind of madness takes over again, as we just see Tom and Jerry in the background of other famous Wonka scenes: getting the Gobstoppers, licking the wallpaper, and turning Violet into a blueberry.
NC: Oh, come on, you couldn't really even make her look blue; it still looks like...
NC (vo): ...a weak light is on her face!
NC: (frustrated) How do you do that in animation?!
NC (vo): The only difference is, Slugworth and the dog chase Tom and Jerry around while all of that is going on. It doesn't even make sense. Why is he obsessed over getting them? It happens during the Fizzy Lifting Drinks scene, the goose scene, and, yes, even during the repeat of the song we've already heard!
(As Veruca sings her song, it cuts to Slugworth also singing the same song in a different scene)
Veruca: (singing) Give it to me now...
Slugworth: (singing) I want today...
Veruca and Slugworth: (singing in unison – as Slugworth is the one present at this time, Veruca is heard in voiceover) I want tomorrow...
NC: Ooh, now it's a duet! This adds a totally different angle I've never considered before– Wait, it's just stupid!
NC (vo): Why is he even singing it? He doesn't need to convey he's evil to a cat, mouse and Oompa-Loompa!
NC: In fact, why doesn't the Oompa-Loompa know?!
NC (vo): He's got the freaky tunnel shtick down!
NC: How come he doesn't know that Slugworth isn't a bad guy?!
NC (vo): Oh, wait, maybe it's because he's doing everything a bad guy would do, and for no literal good reasons! He even steals the Gobstopper! Great, what're you gonna do with it?
NC: (as Slugworth, pretending to take something out of his pocket and show it) Mr. Wonka, I stole the Everlasting Gobs... What was my job again?
NC (vo): Tom and Jerry get stuck with Veruca getting sent to the furnace.
Tuffy: (alarmed) WE'RE IN THE FURNACE!!
(Suddenly, the furnace is lit, and Tom, Jerry, Veruca and her father all look quite worried as they are surrounded by flames)
NC: Holy shit! They're going Toy Story 3 on our asses!
(Jerry and Tuffy scramble through the open furnace door, followed closely by Tom, but Mr. Salt grabs him by the tail)
Mr. Salt: (pulling Tom back into the furnace) Get out of my way, cat!
(Mr. Salt crawls through the door, but the door slams shut before Tom can get out! It looks like this is the end for the hapless cat, as he struggles in vain to open the now-locked door while flames surround him as he lets out a scream! Cut to a typical ending title card for a typical T&J short)
NC: (waving dismissively) No, no, no, it doesn't end there. (beat) It ends with this!
(Cut back to the infamous tunnel scene, with Tuffy screaming crazily; cut once again to an ending title card for a T&J short)
NC: No, no, not there either.
NC (vo): It's Tom and Jerry; they just brush it off, occasionally making a blackface joke.
(As this happens, the furnace door swings open, forced so by a flaming blast that launches out Tom, all burnt to a crisp. In typical cartoon fashion, he is reduced (albeit briefly) to a pile of ashes)
NC (vo): None in this one?
NC: (relieved) Whew! That would've been hard to explain to your kids. Though not as hard as this...
(Once again, Tuffy in the tunnel is seen again, screaming crazily)
NC: Good luck with that, parents!
NC (vo): Mike Teavee gets axed off next, which means we're probably getting close to the film's traditional ending. To say the least, this movie takes some... liberties.
(In the Television Room, Tuffy points out to Tom, Jerry and Charlie via various TV monitors that Slugworth and Spike are leaving the factory)
Charlie: They're leaving the factory!
(Tuffy pushes the remote control, and everyone watches as Slugworth and Spike are suddenly sent by television. The two wind up really tiny on the TV screen, just like Mike Teavee before them. Slugworth screams in shock when he sees what has happened)
NC: (slapping his hand down on the desk) Of course! Wonka knew...
NC (vo): ...they would figure out his technology and beam him back...
NC: ...changing their sizes...
NC (vo): ...having a death battle, resulting in everyone's insides being switched around!
NC: I mean... it's in every playbook, y'all!
(In the film, Slugworth has imprisoned a now-shrunken Tom in a bottle, then turns to Charlie)
Slugworth: My offer still stands, Charlie Bucket. (holds up a Gobstopper to a concerned Charlie) With two Gobstoppers, I could rule the candy world!
NC: Does 911 not exist anymore?
(Slugworth continues his speech as Grandpa Joe and a once-again-full-sized Tom exchange glances)
Slugworth: Now you and I can be partners. Our Gobstopper will make us kings of the candy world!
(As he says this, Slugworth walks up so close to the camera, grinning menacingly as he does so, that his face turns the screen dark)
NC: What is it with Tom and Jerry and (to both sides of the NC, shots of Slugworth and Dr. Applecheeks (from the T&J movie) are shown advancing on the camera) smiling predators walking slowly towards the camera?
(In the film, Charlie responds to Slugworth's offer by sending him and Spike by television once more)
NC (vo): So, after Charlie's trust is tested, it's... tested again in the classic scene where Wonka flips out at him.
(In said classic scene, Charlie and Grandpa Joe meet Wonka in his office, where he tells them about them breaking the rules)
Grandpa Joe: (surprised) We didn't see any rules!
Wonka: (jumping up from his chair in fury) Wrong, sir! Wrong! (holds up the contract from earlier – which was never actually seen in the film, as the viewer was stuck with T&J instead during this time) Under section 37 of the contract (points at Charlie) signed by him...
NC: Which we never saw signed. Oops!
Wonka: (throwing contract down and pointing again at Charlie) ...you stole Fizzy Lifting Drinks! So you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir! (sits down again)
NC: (surprised) Wow. That was surprisingly tame by this film's standards.
(Cut back to Wonka speaking angrily to Charlie and Grandpa Joe, along with the Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count)
NC (vo): I would've expected at least three soul-sucking faces out of that scene. Of course, Charlie leaves the Gobstopper, even though...
NC: ...honestly shouldn't, he's more than earned his trust; Wonka's just being an asshole now!
NC (vo): But he reveals again it was all a test.
Wonka: Let me introduce Mr. Wilkinson.
(Slugworth, AKA Mr. Wilkinson, and Spike enter the room)
Wilkinson: My master plan was to help Wonka find an heir. I was concerned that you and Tom and Jerry would interfere with that plan.
NC: Granted, like, 99.9% of it made no sense, but...
(Outside the glass Wonkavator, flying through the air, Charlie watches as Tom and Jerry, having taken the Fizzy Lifting Drinks themselves, are flying along, leaving a trail of bubbles)
NC (vo): ...look, Tom and Jerry are farting bubbles!
NC: (throwing his arms out and smiling) Why question anything?!?
NC (vo): Wonka naturally gives Charlie the factory, and says the final line with easily the creepiest face in the entire movie.
Wonka: You know what happened to the boy who suddenly got everything he ever wanted? He lived happily ever after.
(Wonka gives a very creepy smile and the camera zooms in on him, as the Satanic sounds that accompany the Faces Eating Your Soul While You Look At Them Count are heard, but this time without the count icon)
NC: (again throwing out his arms and smiling) TOM AND JERRY!!
(Footage of the movie is shown as NC goes to his closing thoughts)
NC (vo): So, yeah, it's about as bad as you would think. I'll give it a little credit for animation that's at least trying, even if it doesn't always work. Once in a while, the slapstick can get a laugh and... (The tunnel scene is shown again) ...Jesus Christ, that tunnel scene! But aside from that, it's a combination that doesn't belong together, resulting in the focus always being on the wrong thing. Willy Wonka fans won't enjoy Tom and Jerry distracting from the emotional moments, and Tom and Jerry fans won't enjoy Willy Wonka getting in the way of their chaotic mayhem. What can I say but, it's a bad egg.
NC: I'm the Nostalgia Critic, and... (suddenly becomes eager) One more time.
(Cut back one more time to the tunnel scene, with Tuffy screaming crazily)
NC: (visibly shaken but smiling) I think we're all gonna remember that!
(He gets up from his chair and leaves. The credits roll)
Channel Awesome tagline - Tuffy: Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?