Top 11 Disney Princess Conspiracies
June 7, 2016
(The shortened opening)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. Disney Princesses.
(Pictures of various princesses from classic Disney animated films are shown as NC speaks. The people playing the princesses at Disney theme parks are shown at some points as well)
NC (vo): They represent everything kind, ethical, powerful and beautiful. And absolute clickbait whenever mentioned online.
(Images of various YouTube videos with more than 60,000,000 views, which are connected to Disney Princesses in one way or another, are shown)
NC: (smiling) This is my feeble attempt to cash in on that!
NC (vo): Why do we love to talk about them so much? They represent what we want to be, but have been criticized often for either being too flawed or too perfect. Maybe that's one of the reasons we like to write conspiracies about them. Fan theories and gossip that often get proven to be true or false. It's humanizing to think there are secrets behind those flawless smiles that might actually make them more complex, or even more simple. Blogs, forums and fan sites have gone nuts coming up with their own reasons on why certain things are the way they are. And, truth be told, I've come up with a few as well. This is a combination of them to give you a new point of view on the fairy tales you thought you knew so well.
NC: And we're gonna look at the Top 11 of them here today. Why Top 11? (holds up index finger) Because I like to go one step beyond. So, sit back and enjoy the Top 11 Disney Princess Conspiracies!
(Cut to the forest of fir trees at night as the caption "The Top 11 Disney Princess" zooms in and "Morning Mood" by Edward Grieg plays. Then, all of a sudden, a big explosion occurs! The night sky background changes to the erupting fire, while the caption "CONSPIRACIES" is added and the menacing organ music starts playing. This will be the interlude footage throughout the video. The number 11 zooms in)
(The alternating clips from the aforementioned movies are shown. By the way, a big fuck-up: Notre Dame is the name of the cathedral located in Paris)
NC (vo): We know that the story is set in France, despite only one person (Lumiere) having a French accent.
NC: But...why would they all be speaking English anyway... One conspiracy at a time!
NC (vo): But where exactly in France is it? The theory is that not only could it possibly be around Notre Dame, but maybe it all happened at the exact same time Quasimodo and Frollo were having their...um...adventures. My first thought is that it's false, because Notre Dame seems like such a giant place full of tall buildings, and Belle's village seems very quaint and small.
(Some pictures of small French towns are shown)
NC (vo): But, doing research, there does seem to be not only quite a few towns over the years, but also mountains and landscapes very similar to the ones they explored.
(Back to the movies)
NC (vo): Seeing how the Beast was transformed and people seemed to have just forgotten or ignored him as their prince, maybe this gave a chance for the Church to take over, and Frollo to rule.
NC: Hell, it's established at the end that the gargoyles...
NC (vo): ...aren't part of Quasimodo's imagination. Maybe they did something to piss off the same enchantress that transformed the Beast!
NC: But still, there's no hard evidence. Unless at one point, Belle had her nose so deep in a book that she just accidentally walked by the bell tower...
(One clip from The Hunchback of Notre Dame showing Paris from above is shown, zooming on...Belle reading a book!)
NC (vo): Holy shit! There she is! (An arrow points at her) I'm not kidding, that's a real scene from Hunchback of Notre Dame! When Quasimodo is singing the song "Out There", you can clearly see Belle walking by.
NC: Well, we may not have an official word from the creators, but that's a pretty big clue right there.
NC (vo): So, does Belle live in Notre Dame? Let's hope so. Because a battle between Frollo and the Beast would be friggin' awesome!
(Two clips are shown: one of the Beast roaring as Belle leaves the castle, and one of Frollo falling to his death)
NC (vo): Number 10: Lilo and Stitch's namesake.
NC: Okay, I know Lilo isn't technically a princess, but...
NC (vo): I think she dressed up like one in TV show! Does that count? I'm saying that counts.
(A screenshot from Lilo and Stitch: The Series is shown, showing Stitch holding a blaster gun and Lilo wearing a princess dress and a "axe-in-the-head" hat. The episode in question is named "Spooky". This is followed by clips from the original movie)
NC (vo): Not much thought has been given to the meaning of the names that these characters have. Stitch is a weird enough name for an alien, Nani is a basic term for "beautiful", and...well, there's a guy named Bubbles, we're not exactly gonna interpret much from how they're called. (FUCKING BUBBLES!) But if you look a little deeper, you'll discover that "Lilo" is actually a Hawaiian term having two definitions: "generous one" or "lost". "Generous one" is an obvious meaning, it's a Disney movie and she can obviously be very nice. But "lost" obviously has a connection to the loss of her parents, and how her family, or what's left of it, is growing further apart.
NC: Okay, I guess that kind of connects, but, so what?
NC (vo): Well, when Stitch enters their life, things get more hectic, but he also manages to help their connection. And what does "stitch" mean but "to patch things up", bring two separated pieces closer?
NC: So, the actual title to Lilo and Stitch could just as easily be called...
NC (vo): (the caption of what he says appears on screen) "Lost and Pulled Together". This suddenly gives a deeper relevance to what was seemingly a simple title. So, we see maybe there's more in a name than we thought with this movie.
NC: I guess that's interesting, but we still don't know why the Warner Brothers have a sister who's just randomly named Dot...
(A picture showing Yakko, Wakko and Dot standing near the Warner Bros. logo is shown. Yakko and Wakko are connected to the "Warner Bros" caption in the logo, while Dot is connected to...well, the dot)
NC: (surprised, yelling) Oh, my God! MY LIFE MAKES SENSE!
NC (vo): Number 9: Mulan is actually MORE than a princess. There's an ongoing argument among Disney fans about whether or not Mulan should be featured in the Disney Princess lineup, not because of her character or anything like that, but because she's never, in any way, given that title. She wasn't born into royalty, married into royalty; the most she did was hug an emperor.
NC: (perplexed) Maybe his royalness rubbed off, making her a princess?
(A picture of all the Disney princesses is shown)
NC (vo): Nevertheless, anytime there's a selling of toys, or you need all the princesses lined up, she's always in there.
NC: So, why they would showcase something that clearly didn't happen?
NC (vo): Well, Mulan, by many respects, does what none of them have ever done. Saving an entire nation, countless numbers of people, and doing it all in non-coventional way, despite that could've caused her great dishonor. Because of this, the Emperor of China bows to her, and it's indicated that this never happens. He even offers her a position by his side, but she turns it down. So, from her accomplishments, and a bow from someone as high up as the emperor, in many respects, Mulan is even GREATER than a princess, she's the protector of an entire nation, and what is royalty, but the protector of one's land and people.
(The group picture of Disney princesses is shown again)
NC (vo): So, in the same way Elsa's often in the lineup, even though she's technically a queen, or Pocahontas is in the lineup, even though she's technically a chief's daughter, Mulan isn't promoting herself letting people call her princess, she's demoting herself.
(Back to Mulan)
NC (vo): Because such acts offered her even higher authority. But the values that Disney likes to market as princess-y are still there, so it kind of makes sense to have her in the lineup.
NC: So, is she a princess? Well, to quote Obi-Wan...
(Cut to a clip from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi)
Obi-Wan (Alec Guinness): From a certain point of view.
NC (vo): In fact, she shouldn't just be princess, she should be dead-center with a sword in her hand, leading the damn army! But two away from the left ain't bad.
Mushu: (tearing up) My little baby is all grown up and, (sniffs) saving China.
NC (vo): Number 8: Jasmine inspires a secret identity. A good chunk of the story Aladdin is about the power of appearance. You see Princess Jasmine pretends to be a peasant, inspiring peasant Aladdin to pretend to be a prince, inspiring...well, there's nobody else left, right?
NC: Maybe not.
NC (vo): Ever noticed the voice of that Merchant in the opening sounded a little familiar? No surprise, it's Robin Williams, who also provided the voice of the Genie. But, wait. Why would they have him in a dual role? I mean, it's funny and all, but it's not like this film is short on Robin Williams' talents. Well, a theory has been circulating that this is actually the Genie in disguise, inspired by the charade started by Jasmine to get people's attention by pretending to be someone else. He even kinda looks like him, with a similar beard, high energy and even wearing blue.
NC: However, the end of the third Aladdin movie, the one that went straight to video...
NC (vo): ...shows him once again as seemingly just the Merchant. I guess he waited several years to finish that supposed three-part story. So, it seemed like there was no real connection, until the director came out recently and announced that, "Yes, this was always the idea." The Genie was telling the story about Aladdin as the Merchant. It just had to be cut out of the ending because of time and budget restraints. You notice in the first film, the Merchant never does come back. So we can draw the conclusion that the Merchant at the end of Aladdin AND Aladdin III is also the Genie, enjoying his freedom in disguise, as you never do see the two of them onscreen at the same time. And it all stemmed from a princess inspiring a peasant inspiring a Genie, emphasizing what was said right at the beginning.
Merchant: It is not what is outside, but what is inside that counts.
NC (vo): Number 7: Snow White is 14? The Princesses have a knack for looking a lot older than they really are. In fact, the technical grandma of the group is Elsa at 21. Yeah, she's the only one you could buy a drink for at a bar, or... maybe her buy you one, you know it'd cold at least. Most of them look like they're at least in their early 20s,and while some come close, like Cinderella and Tiana are 19 and Rapunzel and Pocahontas are 18, none of them pass the big two-oh. Some of them look about right, Ariel and Mulan certainly seem 16, and I guess Belle could maybe pass for 17. But how the hell is Snow White 14?
NC: Just look at the live-action reference, does that look anywhere close to that age?
NC (vo): The thought is Disney wanted to appeal to small girls, thinking they could be a princess, but also didn't want her to seem too old so that they couldn't imagine themselves in the role. 14 seemed like a good in-between so one could still seem girlish, but also, given the time-period, be able to live with her prince. It's a strange choice that really doesn't hold up today, and to be honest, nobody was really buying anyway. But that is the official age that's often announced.
NC: Whatever, until I see a 14-year old Snow White working at Disney World, (An adult woman playing Snow White at a theme park is shown) I don't believe it. Why can't you be closer to Jasmine's age, who's only a year older?
NC (vo): Are you kidding me, guys?! How does that contrast with the princes who... all have no documented ages whatsoever...?
NC: I guess age is really just a number. And sometimes not even that!
NC (vo): Number 6: Belle is an outcast because she wears blue. Now, don't get me wrong, everything sung about her is true, she does keep to herself, doesn't gossip, and reads at a time when it wasn't expected of women.
NC: But have you ever noticed no one else in the town wears the color blue? Like, at all?
NC (vo): Look at it, nobody even comes close! There apparently isn't even one piece of blue cloth in the entire town! Why on earth is that? Well, the only other character you eventually see wear blue is the Beast. And, according to the intro, he was a selfish and unkind ruler. Maybe people associated what he wore was something negative.
NC: Like, if you saw someone walking down the street with a Hitler moustache.
(A picture of Adolf Hitler is shown)
NC (vo): It's not illegal of anything, but it's...a touch off-putting. But seeing how it was so long ago, they forgot they even have a prince. Maybe they forgot why the color blue was unfashionable, too. This would explain why Belle wears it, as she cleary doesn't care what people think of her. Making her match-up with the Beast all the more meaningful, seeing as they're both outcasts in their own unique way. Again, just a theory, but it does make both her and "the prince of Notre Dame" stand out.
Lumiere: (sighs) L'amour...
NC (vo) Number 5: Glove Story. So, something not very surprising is some of the princesses wear gloves. No big shock, they're about as common an accessory as tiaras or jewellery.
NC: But there's been an interesting theory floating around, out of all the princesses, only three...
NC (vo): ...seem to wear them: Tiana, Cinderella and Belle.
NC: Well, okay, but...so what? All of them have one thing in common. Can you guess what it is?
NC (vo): None of them were born into being princesses. They had to hook up with a prince and marry into it. And strangely enough, none of the other Disney Princesses wear gloves. The ones that married into it are the only ones. Could it be there's some sort of connection or message we're not seeing? Is it that they came from more hardworking backgrounds, so they hide their hands because they think might look too roughed up? Maybe Disney is doing a subtle commentary on touching between common folk and higher-ups?
NC: Or... maybe they have rocket fingers...
(The fire erupts from Belle's fingernails on one of the screenshots as the dramatic choir plays out)
NC (vo): ...that shoot fire out of their fingernails, and they wanna keep them covered so nobody suspects their plans for world domination! (The dramatic music stops) Okay, the probable likelihood is that the time periods these three were a part of just had gloves as common accessories. Even Elsa wore them a lot in her film, and she was born into royalty. But she does take them off, but only when she's queen... but only whe- okay, I can't connect everything. Nevertheless, it's an interesting coincidence. But whether or not they want to admit their fire-shooting nails is entirely up to them.
NC: But just know, we'll be watching!
(NC squints and moves closer to camera. A clip of Belle sighing is shown)
NC (vo): Number 4: Leaning Tower of Penis. This one goes back a loooong ways. And yes, I did mean it that way. On both the poster and VHS cover of The Little Mermaid, people swear that one of the towers looks particularly... um... penetrating. For years, people have been claiming that the artist not once, but twice snuck in a dong on the marketing for one of the most famous kids' films of all time.
NC: Is it possible somebody just thought they could sneak that in with nobody noticing?
NC (vo): I guess so, but there is also a theory that the castle is based very much on a style of architecture that... well... can be rather phallic. There is a naivete that some people have when they focus too much on a project. And it's totally possible maybe the person who put this together just didn't notice. Was it intentional? Who knows? But for the rest of us, we've been laughing our asses off until they finally brought the movie to DVD and scrapped the cover altogether. Was it because this image was just too distracting and controversial? Hard to say. And yes, I meant that one, too. Disney covers have changed a lot over the years, so we can't really know 100%. Whatever the reason, this lives on as one of those great snickery moments you don't wanna look at, but can't possibly turn away from.
NC: (guffaws like a dumb person) Wood.
NC (vo): Number 3: Elsa's reason for no boyfriend. Sure, we see Anna gets not one, but two suitors in Frozen, but notice nobody ever seems to go for Elsa? And Elsa doesn't seem to go for anybody either? This might be from an increasingly popular theory that Elsa could very well be a lesbian. I'm not exactly sure why she's the one singled out. After all, Merida not only doesn't get a boyfriend in Brave, but she turns down everyone that's offered to her. Maybe Brave wasn't popular enough or interesting enough to garner such a theory, but Frozen certainly is. This idea is catching on like wildfire, to the point where there's even a hashtag pushing for the sequel to give Elsa a girlfriend. This could mean Elsa would be the first lesbian princess. Even though, again, she's technically a queen, but that's not gonna them from putting her into the lineup. It seems to be a healthy trend, with more and more gay characters popping up in children's shows and movies, in fact Frozen arguably, already has a gay character (Oaken), with many saying the store owner might have been waving to his husband in the sauna. A touch debatable, but still possible.
NC: I guess we can't know till the sequel comes out if... well... Elsa does, too.
NC (vo): We don't know if they'll address a love interest in the next one. Chances are they can milk this baby's popularity for several sequels. They can take as long as they want with this. But with tons of fans and even her voice actress, Adele Dazeem (!), saying she's on board for it, this might be a theory that could possibly hold some frozen water.
NC (vo): Number 2: Hercules and Ariel are...related?
NC: How the hell is that possible?! They don't even take place in the same time periods!
NC (vo): Well, knowing the incredibly factual scientific research of Greek gods and merpeople, it can be concluded that their lifespans can be debatabley long.
NC: Even if that were true, though, how would these two have any connection?
NC (vo): You see, in Greek mythology, Hercules' father, Zeus, is brother to another god name Poseidon, seen here in Disney's very odd rendition. Poseidon has many, many sons. And one of them is named, that's right, Triton. A different Triton, perhaps? That'd be a pretty big coincidence, seeing how both of them have mystical powers connected to living underwater. Whether it's the original Triton, or a name just passed down through the family, there is definitely a relation. And Triton's seventh daughter is, of course, Ariel. Because of this, that technically means Hercules is Triton's first cousin, and Ariel is Hercules' cousin once removed. Yeah, it's strange to think these two might actually have some blood between them.
(A screenshot of Hercules wearing a skin of Scar from The Lion King and posing to Phil is shown)
NC (vo): It's made even stranger when you consider the fact that Hercules also seemingly exisited at the same time the hyenas killed Scar in The Lion King. This could all just be a coincidence, but for Disney conspiracy nuts like myself, I like to think maybe people are keeping it more in the family than we think.
NC (vo): And the Number 1 Disney Princess conspiracy is... The ship from Frozen is connected to Tangled and The Little Mermaid. Yeah, you're probably sick of seeing this one everywhere, but the fact is, it's still a pretty damn good theory. The ship carrying the parents of Elsa and Anna is seen sinking at the beginning of Frozen. The first part of the theory indicates that they were heading to Rapunzel's coronation, which was happening at the end of Tangled.
NC: Why jump to that conclusion? Well, on top of Rapunzel...
(Rapunzel and Flynn Rider's cameo in Frozen is shown)
NC (vo): ...attending Elsa's coronation, the timelines actually do match up. After the death of the parents, Frozen skips three years, the exact amount of time in-between Frozen and Tangled's release dates.
NC: But where does The Little Mermaid come in?
NC (vo): The Little Mermaid was also a Hans Christian Andersen story, like Snow Queen which Frozen is based on. The Little Mermaid is set off the coast of Denmark, which means it's totally possible that the graveyard of ships seen in both the opening and ending of the movie could very well contain the ship that had Elsa and Anna's parents on it. It's unlikely it's the one she's searching through, or the one that the Prince (Eric) steers at the very end, as their designs are very different, but it's not implausible to think that, in all her treasure hunts, maybe she did come across the very same one.
NC: Again, even though there's no conclusive evidence of any of it, it does seem totally possible.
NC (vo): And when you throw in Hercules and Lion King being connected as well, that's five universes you would swear have nothing in common all suddenly connected. "Crazy", you say? Maybe. Or maybe it's the best Disney Princess conspiracy ever devised. Or maybe it's crazy. But maybe it's the best Disney Princess conspiracy ever devised.
NC: Or... maybe we all just have too much time on our hands. (Beat) That's probably not it. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
(The credits roll)