Top 11 Funniest Shyamalan Moments
January 19, 2016
(We start off the episode with the Shyamalan Month opening, which has him dancing to the Looney Tunes theme)
Shyamalan: (singing) Why does everybody keep on hiring me? All of my work is shiiiit!
(We see the Nostalgia Critic in his room)
NC: Hello, I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to. And we're still in Shyamalan Month. You know, when you think about it, this guy has brought so much joy into our lives. (Poster for The Last Airbender is briefly shown) Most of the time. So I figure it's good to do a video celebrating his most hilarious moments...whether they were intentional or not.
(Clips of various Shyamalan movies play out)
NC (vo): M. Night Shyamalan has created a style so convinced of its amazing-ness that it proudly welcomes no changes whatsoever. Thus, we keep getting the same mistakes over and over, allowing them to grow into something so strange and unrecognizable, it becomes a laugh riot. So, the best thing we can do is go over the funniest ones and praise them for bringing so much enjoyment.
NC: And we're gonna look at the Top 11 of them here today. Why Top 11? Because I like to go one step beyond. So, sit back and enjoy the Top 11 Funniest M. Night Shyamalan Moments.
(As the sound of an audience laughing is heard, we see a movie theatre opening its curtain to reveal the logo's title on the movie screen. This will serve as the countdown's interlude)
NC (vo): Number 11: The ending to The Visit.
NC: Okay! If I want to be totally fair, I should also acknowledge the moments that were intentionally funny.
NC (vo): Whether you like it or not, most people agree that it is definitely one of his better ones, and that the best moment is definitely in the end. The whole climax feels like the punchline to a perfectly written joke, we didn't even know was being told to us. Even if you do figure out what's going on, that just makes the build-up all the more hilarious. Like you peek behind the curtain early, but what you see is so funny you can't wait to see the rest of the audience experience it. It's one of the few times that a perfect balance of fear and comedy are projected on the screen, and both are enjoyably effective. I can't say too much more without giving it away, so let's just say you should rent it and see for yourself. Those who have seen it will probably agree it is shit-your-pants funny.
NC: Ha-ha, see what I did to their audience who saw it. Shhhhh!
NC (vo): Number 10: Cypher Rai...
(NC immediately struggles to not burst out laughing)
NC: I'm sorry, I still can't say it! Cut to the clip of the puppet!
(We go to the clip of his review of After Earth, with NC bringing out a puppet)
NC Puppet: Cypher Raige?!
NC (vo): It's hard to say whether this was Shyamalan's fault or not, as Will Smith took over a lot of the writing for this film, but nevertheless, the name of Smith's character in the cinematic bomb, After Earth, has got to be one of the silliest things ever. How could anybody say that name and continue a sentence with any seriousness?
NC: If you're a Mystery Science Theatre 3000 fan like me, you immediately start quoting this.
(Clips from the MST 3000 riff of Space Mutiny are shown)
Tom Servo: Fridge Largemeat!
Mike Nelson: Flint Ironstag!
Crow: Bolt Vanderhuge!
NC (vo): There's plenty wrong with this movie, but by far, there is nothing funnier than just the mere mentioning of the stupidest name ever put in his films. Oh, can we hear you say it again?
NC: Well, I'm gonna laugh at it. (Laughs)
NC (vo): Number 9: The twist to The Village.
NC: Okay, hold on. (posts "Spoilers" on the screen) No, screw it! The fact that everyone could guess this twist is what makes it so funny!
NC (vo): The setting that seems to be in the nineteenth century, in a village, that's out in middle of nowhere, where everybody says you can't leave cause monsters will get you. Just from that: take a guess what the twist is--
NC: You're right, you're first immediate thought is right: it's modern day!
NC (vo): People, without seeing the film, got it already. So, the ones who were foolish enough to sit through this bore fest were whispering to themselves "no, this can't be it. There has to be something else". Thus, when the twist finally hits, it's not the film itself that gets the laugh, it's the reaction of whoever you are watching it with. Just try not to crack up when you see your friends go....
NC: (imitating said friends) What the crap? Are you freaking kidding me!? Just stupid! Just stupid! Stupid!
NC (vo): It's the twist, we could so see coming, that we're actually pissed off that we got it ahead of time. Most of the time, we're usually proud if we can call it, but with this one: without seeing the movie, we can actually catch on!? That's just freaking ridiculous! Nevertheless, the reaction it gets from anyone, who sees it, will have you rolling on the floor every time.
NC (vo): Number 8: This dumbass scene.
(A scene from The Last Airbender, showing Aang escaping from Zuko by just walking and standing right behind him, is shown)
NC (vo): Yeah, bet you didn't know all these bending masters have all these abilities reduced down to the equivalent of tapping someone on the shoulder and appearing behind the other shoulder. This is supposed to be a giant epic battle, and we get this thrown in? How can you not laugh at something so dumb?
(The scene is shown again)
NC (vo): Well, that's it. Stupid.
NC (vo): Number 7: The kids from Signs.
NC (vo): It's no big shock that people don't talk right in a Shyamalan film, but the extent to which these kids talk is totally freaking out there! We're used to the overly goofy dramatic tone from his films, but these kids almost never act like real kids!
Morgan: Everything people have written about in science books is about to change./What's wrong, boy?/The dogs were barking...woke us up./Stop it, Houdini!
NC (vo): It's almost like the children were directed to talk like adults, and the adults were directed to talk like children.
Morgan: The history of the world's future is on TV right now.
NC: Who says things like this?!
NC (vo): You can't totally blame the kids, though, as most actors have to place a lot of trust in their directors, and Shyamalan has led pretty good actors astray before. Just imagine the last time you heard a little kid speak like this....
Morgan: You need to record this that you can show your children this tape and say you were there...for your children, Bo.
NC (vo): And you'll realize how hilarious this all is. Let's face it: Haley Joel Osment, they ain't.
(Cut to Cole Sear from the Sixth Sense)
Cole: (whispering) I see dead people!
NC: (as Cole, whispering) I see dumb writing!
NC (vo): Number 6: Hot dogs. I know, I just went into this with The Happening review, but I'm sorry. It deserves to be repeated. This is one of the silliest "out of nowhere" lines in a movie. Everybody's on the run, people have to travel fast, and suddenly, this incredibly important line is dropped.
Nursery guy: You know, hot dogs get a bad rap. They've got a cool shape, they've got protein. You like hot dogs, right?
NC (vo): Are you just setting up that he's quirky, like you try to do with all your characters? Well, here's your quirk, Shyamalan: YOU CAN'T WRITE QUIRKY! And thank God, because if he could, we wouldn't have something as laughably ridiculous as this scene.
Nursery guy: You like hot dogs, don't you?
NC (vo): Oh, and you wanna know what the punchline to this whole thing is?
Nursery guy: (To his wife) Get the mustard?
NC: Get it? 'Cause he likes hot dogs! Did we make that clear that he likes hot dogs? We can play it again!
NC (vo): What else can you say but "hot dog"?
Nursery guy: (To his wife) Get the mustard?
NC (vo): Number 5: Jelly side down. That's right. We're going from one food to another. There's no excuse for this fool proof method of determining if the devil himself is near.
Ramirez: When he's near, toast...falls jelly side down.
NC (vo): That's right. If toast lands jelly side down, that means the lord of all evil is upon you.
NC: I know the phrase "how can you make this shit up" is a common phrase, but...really, how can you make this shit up?
NC (vo): It's a skill to make up something so stupid! Why toast? Why just one time? You couldn't even throw it up to test it a few times? You just threw it up one time and bam: the devil is near? What the hell am I even talking about? It's goddamn toast! It connects so little to the world of logic that we live in, that you get a case of the giggles every time you watch it. So, if you feel the presence of Beelzebub in your house, don't get the crucifix, don't get the holy water, don't even get the Holy Bible.
NC: All you need is toast.
NC (vo): Number 4: Earthbending in The Last Airbender. It's no question that this movie is the biggest letdown of Shymalan's films because it took one of the greatest animated shows of all time, and reduced it down to....
Soak-a: Are you the ah-vatar, Ahng?
NC (vo): ...that. In doing so, it gave us a scene so disappointing, and underwhelming that you can't help but crack up at its lameness. Alright, so a bunch of people that can bend earth are placed in a prison surrounded by earth. As if that wasn't funny enough, when they finally do retaliate after Aang....
NC: Oh, I'm sorry "Ahng".
NC: (vo): ...reminds them of the phenomenal gift they have, what do six of them gathered together end up doing? (Shows the earth benders "bending", and they fling a tiny rock at the Fire Nation)
NC: Even if you don't know that the (shows scenes from Avatar: The Last Airbender) earthbending on the show has done so much more, (back to NC) the mere build up of these guys (shows scene from The Last Airbender) marching towards them, just to fling a pebble at them, is phenomenal. Look at that. It wouldn't crush Wile E. Coyote, it's so measly. I'd say "boulder-dash", if I actually got to see a boulder dash.
(Shows the rock hitting the guy again)
NC (vo): Number 3: The dumbest aliens ever. Everybody in Signs is supposed to be terrified of these creatures from another world. But when you really analyze why, you find there's very little threat to them. Not only do they pointlessly graffiti our corn fields, not only do the set all their attention on this one farm that poses no threat, not only do we find out that their weakness is water which covers the majority of our planet, not only did they bring no weapons to fight our race at all...
NC: But the one thing these aliens are always thwarted by is wood!
NC (vo): Yep. Whether be a wooden door, a wooden board, pretty much anything from a chopped up tree will stop them in their tracks. If I told you there was an evil force that wanted to kill you and its only weakness was water and wood...
NC: You'd be as intimidated as, well, (shows the Last Airbender) earthbenders imprisoned by earth. (goes back to clips from Signs) This is no doubt the most pathetic invasion that has ever taken place. I'd be more afraid of a spider climbing up my drain than these jokers! Still, their inability to do, well, anything is certainly one to keep you chuckling.
Aliens: (vo added and subtitled by NC) Wood! Fuck me!
NC (vo): Number 2: Mark Wahlberg from The Happening. Yeah, we can't act like we can know what was going on behind the scenes to give us this performance, but we can say for sure that it is one of the funniest things ever.
Elliot Moore: Look, I don't know if you guys have heard about this article in the New York Times about honeybees vanishing?
NC (vo): A lot of actors in Shyamalan films are known for being mis-directed and turning in terrible performances because of it, but easily, the most entertaining is Wahlberg. If you somehow combined a lost toddler with a lost dog and made it obsessed with science for some reason, this is what it would act like.
Elliot: I was in a pharmacy a while ago, and there was a really good-looking pharmacist behind the counter.
NC (vo): At first, you think, "Maybe it's because he's a teacher". And you know, a lot of times, teachers have to talk in an exaggerated tone, even in high schools. But as the film keeps going, you realize this is his whole performance.
Elliot: The toxin? / I'm just going to talk in a very positive manner.
NC (vo): It's so funny to see this actor, who is associated with being a pretty talented badass, just act so intriguingly lost. He doesn't know what the hell he's doing, he just knows he's throwing his all into this mis-guided direction. And let's face it, it's spectacular. It's not like he's hurting for any future roles or good performances, but it is nice to know that no matter what, nothing will ever be as enjoyably worse as this one.
Elliot: What? No!
NC (vo): And the number 1 Funniest M. Night Shyamalan Moment is...The entirety of Lady in the Water.
NC: Okay, so I know everyone likes to say that The Happening is the best so-bad-it's-good Shyamalan movie. But to them I say...did you even see Lady in the Water?!?
NC (vo): (shows The Happening) While I admit that The Happening is more consistently funny, (shows Lady in the Water) the choices made in Lady in the Water are so dumb, so desperate, so perfectly insane that it's amazing! It's spectacular! It's unbelievable! This isn't something where you feel like a lot of people came together to make a film, this just feels like a lot of people were following the orders of a complete mental case. Total insanity; complete Looney Tunes! Anything that would make a dramatic, interesting story is replaced with absolute craziness. It's mad ramblings of the best kind!
NC: It's...(thinks for a bit)...you know what? I can't do it justice here. I need to do an entire review of it! (audience boos) Yeah, yeah, I know you hate these "to be continues" and everything but I'm sorry. There's no way this film can be summed up in just a number one spot!
NC (vo): It needs to be looked at in great detail to appreciate how friggin' hilarious it is. Even if you've seen it before and you didn't think it was as funny as The Happening, you need to see it with me. Please, I'll love the company. I'll show you the sheer lunacy and brilliance of this mess-terpiece.
NC: So stay tuned next week as I look over what I consider the funniest Shyamalan movie ever made. I'm the Nostalgia Critic and...(gets excited)...I can't wait!
NC: (acting all giddy) Oh, wait for it, wait for it!