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Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments

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Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments

NC Top 11 Walken moments by MaroBot

Released
March 30, 2010
Running time
22:47
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NC: Hello, I’m the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.

(Clips of Christopher Walken in various performances are shown as NC speaks)

NC (voiceover): Christopher Fucking Walken. What can you say about him? No, really. What can you say about him?

Christopher Walken: I don’t…know.

NC (voiceover): He is the strangest actor on screen. His delivery is odd, his expressions unique, and…there’s just nobody else like him! He’s like an alien on holiday who decided to relax on Earth and just do whatever the hell he wants.

NC: And let’s be honest, he…is…awesome.

NC (voiceover): Whether you think he’s a good actor or a bad actor, there’s no denying that he is just so much fun to watch. His long pauses, spontaneous whispering, and emphasis of words that…quite frankly shouldn’t be emphasized is irresistible. But let’s also be honest, he's phenomenally awkward, and he makes for many wonderfully uncomfortable moments.

NC: And I’m counting the top 11 of them today! Why top 11? Because I like to go one step be—

Christopher Walken (as Max Schrek from Batman Returns): —yond.

NC: …OK, you know why. This is the Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Moments.

(Clips of Christopher Walken speaking in various roles are played out before we are shown the title screen, followed by an interlude to the first entry on the countdown)

#11 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 11—The death threat from “Joe Dirt.” (The caption “11. Death Threat” is shown)

(Footage from "Joe Dirt" plays out)

NC (voiceover): I’d like to say this is one of his stranger roles, but we still have 10 more slots to fill. In this movie, he plays a particularly strange school janitor. There’s one scene where a lab experiment goes wrong and Walken is in the hallway dancing. (beat) That’s strange enough, but then he just suddenly does…this.

(Clem stops dancing in the hallway to look at a hanging fire extinguisher)

Clem (Christopher Walken): What’d you say? Oh! Yeah, you’re talkin’ to me all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.

NC (voiceover): Where did that come from? Why is he threatening a fire extinguisher? Did a fire extinguisher kill his dog? But then it all comes full circle…sort of, when Kid Rock enters into the scene.

Robby (Kid Rock): (to Joe Dirt (David Spade)) Hey, Dirt! I thought I told you, buddy, nobody wants you around!

Clem: Hey! You’re talkin’ to my guy all wrong. It’s the wrong tone. You do it again, I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.

NC (voiceover): Yeah, that just happened. Christopher Walken just threatened Kid Rock with a soldering iron! Holy fuck! Nobody can get away with that but Walken. Nobody. If there was a king of…soldering irons, he would be it!

NC: But why was he threatening a fire extinguisher to begin with? I guess we’ll never— (NC’s cell phone rings, and he answers it) Hello?

(An image of Christopher Walken appears on the right side of the screen next to NC)

“Christopher Walken” (voiced by The Other Guy): Critic, shame on you.

NC: Oh! Is this Christopher Walken, “the” Christopher Walken?!

“Christopher Walken”: I can see you know your Christopher Walkens well.

NC: Aw, shit, man! This is an honor! I’m, like, your biggest fan!

“Christopher Walken”: Well, you don’t ACT like it.

NC: What?

“Christopher Walken”: One of these accusations that I whisper in the middle of a sentence…(whispers) I never whisper in the middle of a sentence…(normal) and this idea that I have long pauses, Critic. I never…have…long……pauses.

NC: Well, Mr. Walken, just screw whatever I say, okay, because as far as I’m concerned, you’re the king.

“Christopher Walken”: I know, but nevertheless, you must know why I threatened that fire extinguisher in “Joe Dirt.”

NC: Oh, please, let me know!

“Christopher Walken”: …I don’t remember.

NC: Awesome. I’ll take it!

“Christopher Walken”: Yes. Alright, love you.

NC: Love you, too. Bye. (He hangs up; before speaking to the camera, he looks away a bit to reflect on the phone call) What just happened?

(Interlude to the next entry)

#10 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 10—The pie scene from “Gigli.” (The caption “10. Pie!!!!!” is shown below the screen)

(Footage from "Gigli" plays out)

NC (voiceover): Considered sort of a classic bad movie, it was rumored that the filming of “Gigli” is what got Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez together, and we can only assume that the viewing of “Gigli” is what broke them up. But there is one scene where Walken comes in and delivers yet another strange and awkward scene. He’s talking about some serious shit at first, and for a while, it seems like it’s gonna be a straightforward moment.

Detective Stanley Jacobellis (Walken): This…federal prosecutor out here. The one with Starkman's testicular matter clutched in his fist. This very federal prosecutor’s little brother…any of this sound familiar?

NC (voiceover): But then…

Jacobellis: Man, you know what I’d love to do? Get me a big bowl of pie with some ice cream on it. Mmmmm, good. Put some on your head! Your tongue'd slap your brains out trying to get to it. Interested? (Larry Gigli (Ben Affleck) shakes his head no) SURE?

NC (voiceover): Again, WHAT WAS THAT? I-I don’t even think it was in the script! I think Walken just really wanted some pie in the middle of a scene and they decided to keep going with it!

NC: (as Walken, trying to sound serious in a role) Joey, I know you’re my brother, but we can’t keep this going any more. (He breaks out of character and slaps his hands on his desk) I’m sorry, I gotta have some pie!

NC (voiceover): What else can you say, but…pie?

Jacobellis: Put some on your head!

(Interlude to the next entry)

#9 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 9—His performance in “The Ripper” video game. (The caption “9. The Ripper” is shown onscreen)

(Footage from the video game "The Ripper" featuring Walken plays out)

NC (voiceover): If you watch Spoony’s videos, you know all about this, and there’s no denying that Walken brings his trademark weirdness to this video game cameo.

Detective Vince Magnotta (Walken): You come this close to finding out what it’s like to be a human shish-kebob, rotating in one of our fine penal institutions.

NC (voiceover): My favorite is how he fucking eats that cigar. Shouldn’t you at least light it first? (Clips of Magnotta simply placing the cigar in his mouth are shown with added sound effects) It’s like a little boy trying to play a grown-up with his father’s smokes.

NC: (as a little boy holding a cigar) Yeah, I smoke! (places the cigar in his mouth and makes a chomping sound on it; he speaks the following with the cigar in his mouth) I smoke all the time! (takes the cigar out to chomp on it again)

NC (voiceover): Also, it’s just Walken at his…Walken-ness. I mean, look at him. He can’t stand still!

Magnotta: (moves as he speaks) Oh, please don’t! Not the Herald./Guy’s got a doctor named Burton who practically invented the field. She’s a real ball-breaker, though. (He places a cigar in his mouth)

NC (voiceover): You know what it’s like? It’s like HE’s doing an impression of Christopher Walken now, because even the real Christopher Walken wouldn’t be that over-the-top.

Magnotta: What do I gotta do? Write “Fuck off” in Braille on your forehead? Get outta here!

NC (voiceover): Plus, who else can actually cut their head open and act like it was just a paper cut? (A quick clip of Walken doing this is shown)

NC: (as Walken, pretending to make a cut across his forehead and think nothing of it) Ow.

NC (voiceover): Walken’s oddity definitely makes this one of the few video games that’s just as much fun to watch as it is to play.

Magnotta: This guy is un-fucking-believable.

(Interlude to the next entry)

#8 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 8—The Headless Horseman from “Sleepy Hollow.” (The caption “8. The Headless Horseman” is shown below the screen)

(Footage from "Sleepy Hollow" plays out)

NC (voiceover): This is one of those strange movies that I think was supposed to be bad, but I’m not really sure. It certainly has a lot of those Hammer Horror trademarks in it, and I think that’s what it was going for. I think. But either way, the funniest part of the movie is Christopher Walken as the Headless Horseman. Good God, what perfect casting is that? You see him in the movie before he got his head chopped off; he was a bloodthirsty madman who loved violence and gore.

Headless Horseman: (yells) Ahhh!

NC (voiceover): Look at his teeth! He actually has sharp teeth! How does he eat soup without biting his tongue?

Headless Horseman: (yells) Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh!

NC (voiceover): On top of that, he never has any dialogue. All he ever says is…

(Clips of the Headless Horseman yelling are shown)

Headless Horseman: Ahhhhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhhh! Ahhhh!

NC (voiceover): How does he even communicate with people? Would being at the drive-thru be a little confusing?

(NC pretends to be the Headless Horseman going through a drive-thru)

Drive-Thru Employee (Offscreen): Taco Bell. May I take your order?

NC: (yells) Ahhhhhh!

Drive-Thru Employee: That’s five quesadillas….

NC: (yells) Ahhhhhh!

Drive-Thru Employee: Two soft tacos….

NC: (yells) Ahhhhhh!

Drive-Thru Employee: And a large water. Did you want any sauce with that?

NC: (pauses) Ahhhh.

Drive-Thru Employee: Medium spicy?

NC: Ahhhhh.

Drive-Thru Employee: Alright, I’ll give you five packets.

NC: (points camera right and yells) AHHHHHHH!

Drive-Thru Employee: Seven packets, seven packets, I got it. Pull up for your total.

NC: Ahhhh. (pretends to drive away to go up to the drive-thru window)

NC (voiceover): Plus, I love this scene where he’s almost trying to hit on the Miranda Richardson character. Talk about uncomfortable.

(Lady Van Tessel (Miranda Richardson) looks up at the Headless Horseman, who is grinning)

Butthead (from “Beavis and Butthead”): (dubs over the Headless Horseman) Hey, baby. (chuckles) Are we, like, gonna do it?

(The Headless Horseman leans forward to bite into Lady Van Tessel’s mouth as though kissing her; she screams)

NC (voiceover): That’s fantastic.

(The Headless Horseman lets go of the kiss bite and sighs)

NC: (as Walken) I love the taste of human blood from a woman’s mouth. So bloody!

NC (voiceover): Who else can play the Headless Horseman than a man whose head we’re not sure is all there?

Headless Horseman: (yells) Ahhhhhh! Ahhhhhhh!

NC: Number 7—(His phone rings again, and he answers it) Hello?

(An image of Walken is shown from the right side of the screen next to NC)

“Christopher Walken”: Critic, before I go, I just wanted to leave you with some parting words. Two mice fell into a bucket of cream. One drowned. The other struggled until he drowned. (pauses) The moral of the story is, “Don’t fall into a bucket of cream.”

(Interlude to the next entry)

#7 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 7—The abduction from “Communion.” (The caption “7. Alien Abduction” is shown onscreen)

(Footage from "Communion" plays out)

NC (voiceover): This is based on the supposedly true experience of Whitley Strieber.

(A robot floats around Louis Whitley Strieber (Walken), who laughs to himself and covers his face with both hands)

NC: (does the quoting motion with both hands) “Supposedly.”

NC (voiceover): Apparently, Walken plays Strieber in this movie, as he relives his questionable kidnapping by aliens. And it’s…well, watch.

(A bare-chested Strieber stands around with his arms raised in a foggy mist inside the spaceship before he embraces a living statue)

Strieber (Walken): Here I am, I’m naked. (pauses) I’m naked.

(Other weird scenes occur as the living statue examines a small robot on a table)

NC (voiceover): This is about as silly as you can get without being intentional. You got alien puppets from Spencer’s, a dissection of a Tim Burton toy, and a body probe that can probably make you sing like Sarah Brightman.

(The living statue stares at Strieber’s crotch while it’s supposedly inserting the body probe into him)

NC: (as Walken) Gah! Guys! (pauses) That’s my junk.

NC (voiceover): Luckily, they never do show his cowbells, but this still proves to be one of the strangest things ever. I mean, ever.

Strieber: I am the dreamer. You are the dream.

NC (voiceover): Christoper Walken raped by aliens. All I gotta say by this point is…are you really surprised?

Strieber: (to an alien) Can we talk this over?

(Interlude to the next entry)

#6 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 6—Any of his dancing sequences. (The caption “6. Dancin’ Walken” is shown onscreen)

(Footage showing Walken's dancing plays out)

NC (voiceover): Yep, apparently Christopher Walken can really dance. In fact, he actually started off as a dancer before he became an actor, and let’s face it, he ain’t half bad. But if we’re gonna be honest, it’s still a little odd. I mean, there was a penis probe in him a few seconds ago. Isn’t it a little weird to see him moving like that? We saw him shake it in films like “Pennies from Heaven” and “Hairspray.” In fact, he even shook it with John Travolta in drag! How delightfully disturbing. But, of course, the one we remember most is the Fatboy Slim video ["Weapon of Choice"]. There’s no intro, no explanation, it’s just Christopher Walken dancing. That is an education in kick-assi-ness.

(A scene from the "Weapon of Choice" video of Walken dancing across a hotel lobby is shown)

Bootsy Collins: (singing over video) You can go with this / Or you can go with that / You can go with this / Or you can go with that / You can go with…

NC (voiceover): It’s just so cool to see a guy like that move with so much energy. He just starts off sitting down, and just out of nowhere, starts dancing. He dances through the hotel, jumps off a balcony, starts flying, lands back on the ground, and then sits down again. Hard fucking core. Let’s face it, there’s no way his dancing couldn’t somehow put a smile on your face. (A clip of Wilbur and Edna Turnbald from “Hairspray” dancing together is shown) Well, maybe almost no way.

Wilbur Turnbald (from "Hairspray", played by Walken): (sings) You’re timeless to me… (slaps Enda on the rump)

(NC shudders in discomfort)

(Interlude to the next entry)

#5 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 5—The reading of “Three Little Pigs.” (The caption “3. Reading of 3 Little Pigs” is shown onscreen)

NC (voiceover): I guess on a show called “[Friday Night with] Jonathan Ross,” Christopher Walken was brought on to simply read the book of “The Three Little Pigs.” And you know the phrase “A good comedian can make the phone book funny”? Well, Christopher Walken is the Groucho Marx of that, because this is hilarious.

Walken: (reading the story) In the same village, there was a WOLF! A BIG WOLF! (audience laughter) Bad wolf! (audience laughter) Big bad wolf! (audience laughter) Get the picture?

NC (voiceover): Again, it’s just his weird inflections. I can’t explain it. It’s just funny as hell.

Walken: “NO!” (audience laughter) said the little pig. He knows a wolf when he sees one. (audience laughter) “Not on the hair on my chinny chin chin.” So now the pig has a chin. What do I know? (audience laughter)

NC (voiceover): My favorite is when he just flat out oinks in the middle of the reading. He just oinks!

Walken: He built his house from bricks! Smart piggy. Oink, oink. (audience laughter)

NC (voiceover): Why does he do it? Because he’s Christopher Walken, and he can fucking get away with it. If you read in a script somewhere “Christopher Walken oinks,” yeah, you’d buy it. You’d totally buy it!

Walken: Wolfy goes to house number one. Wolfy knocks on the door. But it’s a straw door, so how he knocks on it, I don’t know. (audience laughter)

NC (voiceover): There’s also a YouTube clip of him reading Lady Gaga’s lyrics that’s pretty funny, too.

Walken: “I’ll get him hot, (audience laughter) show him what I've got. (audience laughter) Oh, oh, oh, oooh, (audience laughter) ahh.”

NC (voiceover): But for me, this (the “Three Little Pigs” reading) is the funniest stuff. I roll over laughing every time.

Walken: Wolfy goes down the chimney, he burns. Wolfy burns! (audience laughter) Wolfy burns and piggy lives…happily ever after. (the audience laughs and applauds)

NC (voiceover): It’s just downright hilarious and nobody could read it better.

Walken: (addresses to the audience) Next week, “Hamsel and Gramsel.” (the audience laughs and applauds)

(Interlude to the next entry)

#4 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 4—The banker in “The Country Bears.” (The caption “4. Country Bear’s Banker” is shown onscreen)

(Footage of the movie "The Country Bears" plays out)

NC (voiceover): First of all, I know what you’re thinking. “They REALLY made a movie out of this shit?” Well, yes. Yes, they did. And the shit this shit was based on is just as shitty as the shit you’ve shit out before. I mean, it’s bad. It’s really bad. But the one funny thing in all of it is that Christopher Walken plays the evil banker, who wants to destroy this place called Bear Hall where the Country Bears used to play.

Demolition Man: (to Reed Thimple (Walken)) It’d take about a half hour to bulldoze it to the ground.

Reed Thimple: Oh, yes. Do that.

NC (voiceover): What makes this so funny is not how goofy he plays it, but how serious he plays it.

Reed Thimple: (to the imprisoned Country Bears) Ever since that day, I’m plotting my revenge, waiting for the day I destroy the place that brought me misery. Well…that day…is TONIGHT!

NC (voiceover): It’s like whenever he’s supposed to play something serious, he plays it goofy. When he’s supposed to play something goofy, he plays it serious. It’s totally backwards.

Reed Thimple: Do you like the sound of crunching wood? I do.

NC (voiceover): One of my favorites is when it shows what he does in his off-time. He just dances around in his underpants and bunny slippers, and then, once in a while, destroy the model of Bear Hall, just for his own amusement.

(A scene of Thimple crushing the model with a giant anvil after pushing a button is shown)

Reed Thimple: (fakes sympathy) Oh, no!

(Another scene of Thimple crushing the model with a giant anvil after pushing a button is shown)

Reed Thimple: (fakes sympathy) Oh, no! Country Bear Hall has been crushed!

NC (voiceover): (scoffs) Yeah, what do you do in your off-time? GET LAID? (scoffs) Loser.

Reed Thimple: (fakes sympathy after crushing another model with an anvil) Oh, no!

NC (voiceover): But on top of that, there’s one line that just kills me. As a crowd comes in to save Bear Hall, Walken just has to say this one line, “This is not over, bears!” Pretty silly, but also straightforward. But now listen closely to just how strangely he says it.

Reed Thimple: (while being taken away by the crowd) This is not over! (beat) BEARS!

NC: (laughs) Who talks like that?! Nobody does!

(The scene plays again.)

NC (voiceover): It’s like he was saying the line, and then in the middle, he just realized that there were bears in the movie!

NC: (as Reed Thimple) This is not over! (He looks at the camera and points) BEARS!

NC (voiceover): Well, he’s certainly the only memorable part of this movie, or I assume he is, considering I just fast-forwarded through any of the scenes without him. But hey, as long as he’s there, there’s always gonna be something good. Oh, yeah, and he also does this.

(Cut to a scene of Reed Thimple playing a farting song with his armpit before the imprisoned Country Bears)

NC: Bizarre.

Country Bear: Oh, my word!

(Interlude to the next entry)

#3 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 3—The brother in “Annie Hall.” (The caption “3. Annie Hall’s Brother” is shown onscreen)

(Footage from "Annie Hall" plays out)

NC (voiceover): This is probably one of the shortest of the Walken roles, but for some reason, it really leaves an impact with people. Woody Allen is visiting his girlfriend’s family, and Walken is her brother. He sits there, doesn’t really say much, smiles, it all seems to be going down pretty pleasantly. But yet again, out of nowhere, he says this.

(Alvy Singer (Woody Allen) passes by a doorway and sees Duane Hall (Walken) sit on a bed)

Alvy Singer (Allen): Oh, hi, Duane. (enters the room) How’s it goin’? (sits down before Duane to listen)

Duane Hall (Walken): Can I confess something? Sometimes when I’m driving…on the road at night…I see two headlights coming toward me…fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly head on into the oncoming car. Anticipate the explosion, the sound of shattering glass, the…flames...rising out of the flowing gasoline.

NC (voiceover): Why? Just…just why?? Why would he say that? Why would he confess that? Who is this strange uncomfortable person?

Alvy: (starts to get up and leave) I have to go now, Duane, because I…I’m…due back on the planet Earth.

NC (voiceover): Oh, and just to make things better, somebody has to drive Allen and his girlfriend home. Guess who they get? (Cut to Duane driving the car during a rainy night with Alvy and Annie riding along) That’s hilarious, and nothing else is ever made of this scene. It never comes back, they never reference it again, it just comes out of nowhere and disappears just as fast. How wonderful.

NC: I don’t even know what else I can say, except it’s just straight-up awesome—(His phone rings again, and he answers it) Hello?

(An image of Christopher Walken appears to the right of the screen next to NC)

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) Critic, Critic. You listening?

NC: Yeah.

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) You listening?

NC: Yeah.

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) You listening?

NC: (whispers) Yeah.

“Christopher Walken”: (whisper) You listen good. (speaks normal) Jelly donut.

NC: J-Jelly donut?

“Christopher Walken”: Jelly donut. (whispers) G’bye. (hangs up, leaving a dial tone)

(NC hangs up as well)

NC: I don’t know where I am when he calls.

(Interlude to the next entry)

#2 Edit

NC (voiceover): Number 2—The watch from “Pulp Fiction.” (The caption “2. The Watch” is shown onscreen)

(The movie posters for “Pulp Fiction” and “Inglorious Basterds” are shown briefly)

NC (voiceover): One of the most enjoyable things about Quentin Tarantino is that you never know if the movie’s going to be funny, serious or both. They keep you guessing all the way. This scene is a perfect example of that. Christopher Walken approaches the little boy of a dead soldier. The reason he’s there is to pass down a watch that’s been passed down from generation to generation.

Captain Koons (Walken): (to Butch, the little boy) This was your great-grandfather’s war watch, and he wore it every day he was in that war. Your great-grandfather gave this watch to your granddad for good luck. Unfortunately, Dane’s luck wasn’t as good as his old man’s. Dane was a Marine, and he was killed...along with all the other Marines in the Battle of Wake Island.

NC (voiceover): It all sounds very sincere and very touching, but then it goes into just a little too much detail.

Captain Koons: The way your dad looked at it, this watch…was your birthright. He’d be damned if any slope's gonna put their greasy yellow hands on his boy’s birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he can hide something, his ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass.

NC (voiceover): Yikes! That was very gripping until you brought up the “ass” part!

Captain Koons: He died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years.

NC: I don’t even like going to proctologists. (shudders uncomfortably)

NC (voiceover): And just like in “Annie Hall,” he’s only in the movie for about three minutes. That’s it. But also just like in “Annie Hall,” it left a huge impression. (The caption “Up his ass?” is shown briefly over the close-up on the watch) This is one of the shortest but also one of the most famous scenes in the movie, and we can all see why. It’s strange and unpredictable, just like the man himself. That uncomfortable hunk of metal has brought all of us so much joy.

(Interlude to the next and final entry)

#1 Edit

NC (voiceover): And the number one most awkward Christopher Walken moment is…every appearance on “Saturday Night Live.” (The caption “1. Saturday Night Live” is shown)

(Footage from SNL featuring Walken is shown)

NC (voiceover): Now, don’t get me wrong; I LOVE Christopher Walken on “Saturday Night Live.” The Continental, More Cowbell, has me laughing every single time. But let’s be honest. His presentation is awful! Every second you can see him reading his lines. In fact, he does that in other movies, too! (A couple movie clips of Walken looking off-screen and a green arrow pointing in the direction of his eyes are shown briefly) You ever notice that? Look how often he stares off the screen. There’s so obviously a cue card there. In fact, look at this scene from “The Continental” [sketch]. You actually see him adjusting the cue cards! On top of that, he constantly gets the lines wrong, despite the fact that he’s even reading them. There’s one opening bit where they actually make fun of the fact that he reads his lines all the time. It’s when he tries to sing the song “Tomato, Tomato”* (pronounced “Toh-may-toe” and “Toh-mah-toe” respectively).

*(The song's actually called "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off")

Christopher Walken: (sings) You say “potato” (he pronounces it as “po-tay-toe”) and I say “potato” (“po-tay-toe”) / You say “tomato” (He pronounces it as “to-may-toe”) and I say “tomato” (“to-may-to”).

Jimmy Fallon: (to Walken after he finishes his song) I think you were supposed to say, uh, “Potato (‘po-tay-toe’) Potato (‘po-tah-to’).”

Walken: Jimmy, look! They’re all spelled the same on the cards!

Jimmy Fallon: Yeah. (He laughs as the audience laughs)

NC (voiceover): And yet he still says a line too early! Watch!

Fallon and Walken: (sing) Let’s call the whole thing / Let’s call the whole thing…

Walken: (speaks) No, let’s not call the whole thing off!

Fallon and Walken: (sing) Ohh…

NC (voiceover): And then…

Walken: Let’s not call the whole thing off! (The final note of the song plays)

NC (voiceover): Even with cue cards, he keeps flubbing it up. The long pauses, the uncomfortable silences, the constant reading…let’s face it. It’s impossible not to enjoy. Walken is one of those people where even if he fails, he still somehow ends up winning, because it’s obvious he doesn’t care what you think! He’s just doing what he considers fun, and a lot of us can respect that.

Walken: I jumped on him, pranked him to death with a tire iron! Whammy! (audience laughter)

NC (voiceover): In fact, they even make fun of it on the closing scene in this DVD.

Tom Hanks: SNL has a great staff of writers who craft every line of the show.

Walken: Really? ‘Cause…when I host, I just say whatever I want. (audience laughter) I free associate and I make up the skits and bits right there. (audience laughter)

Tom Hanks: Well, you’re a special exception, I think.

(The cover for an SNL Tribute DVD featuring Walken is shown briefly)

NC (voiceover): Speaking of which, that DVD is for sale, and trust me when I say it’s well worth the money. Every appearance he makes is hypnotizing, even if it’s painful at times.

Walken: (sings into a mirror) Mango. (audience laughter) I’m your knight in shining armor, and I love you. (audience laughter)

NC (voiceover): But either way, it’s always hilarious. I hope he lives to be, like, 180, because that means there’d be a lot more SNL sketches in the future; and, of course, a lot more cowbell.

Walken: (in the famous “More Cowbell” sketch) I gotta have more cowbell! Baby.

NC: And those are my Top 11 Most Awkward Christopher Walken Mo—(His phone rings again, and he sighs before answering it) Hello?

(An image of Christopher Walken appears to the right of the screen next to NC)

“Christopher Walken”: Critic, shame on you. How dare you accuse me of always reading my…hold on one sec… (The sound of papers rustling on his end of the line is heard) …lines!

NC: Look, Mr. Walken, I don’t care. To me, you’ll always be the master of cool. You can do no wrong.

“Christopher Walken”: Glorious. Now before I go, there’s one last thing I want you to remember.

NC: Yeah, what is it?

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) Are you listening?

NC: (whispers) Yeah.

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) Are you listening?

NC: (whispers) Yeah.

“Christopher Walken”: (whispers) Are you listening? Alright, listen… (He hangs up, leaving a dial tone)

NC: (closes his phone and looks into the camera) God, he’s awesome!

THE END

Channel Awesome Tagline—Clem: I’ll stab you in the face with a soldering iron.

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