April 6th, 2008
Title Card: And now, a review of the new Transformers movie by the NOSTALGIA CRITIC.
NC: THIS WAS THE SHIT! So it starts off like "That copter was taken down years ago."
NC mimics helicopter noises
NC: And then they're like "Get out of the copter or we'll shoot!" And then it's like
NC badly mimics the sound of a Transformer transforming, from the old 80's cartoon
NC: And it's just like, it's a Transformer you know, and it's so cool! And he's just like
NC mimics the sound of a machine gun
NC: Everyone's like "AH! AH! AH!" And there's this kid, ya know, he's tryin' to get laid, so he buys this car... And it's like the coolest car in the world and it knows how to pick up chicks! How can a car know how to pick up chicks? So he's drivin' around, you know, and he picks up this hot chick, and the car's doin' all the work, I don't know how it does it. And then there's this lame line "There's more to you than meets the eye," and everyone's like
NC makes aggravated, annoyed mumbling sounds
NC: And you're like okay... But then the car is like
Imitation of a transforming noise again
NC: AND IT'S A TRANSFORMER TOO! And he's sending out this signal from its stomach, like the Bat-Signal...I don't know what that's about. And then there's this little robot that kinda sounds like a Gremlin.
NC mimics the sound of a Gremlin
NC: And they're just like "DIE BITCH!"
Mimics gun fire
NC: And then there's asteroids like BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! And then the kid's like "In 50 years you may look back and wish you got in that car" and it's like
NC: And then a truck comes in, and it's OPTIMUS PRIME! HOLY FUCK! OPTIMUS PRIME IS IN THIS MOVIE! And he goes
NC: And it's Optimus Prime! Goddamn! And he's got the same voice and everything, and he's gi-fucking-gantic! And the good guys are the Autobots, and they kick ass! And one of 'em's a Hummer, I'm totally buying a Hummer today. And then there's the DECEPTICONS. You got like a tank, you got an airplane, you got a police car, I always knew police were evil, I knew it I had a feeling. And they're like "We gotta stop Megatron." And Megatron is like FUCKING HUGE! He's this huge...big...GRR! And there's this huge battle in the city, you just wouldn't believe it, everything is there!
Mimics the sound of gunfire and copters and slams, etc.
NC: And all the people are like "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" And then they're like "Protect the cube!"
Sound of an airplane and gunfire again
NC: And the girl's like "Whatever happens today, I'm glad I stepped in that car." And everyone's like
Mimics the sound of intense sobbing
NC: And then they're like "It's just you and me, Megatron."
Sounds of Megatron and Optimus fighting.
NC: And then it's like "If any Autobots are listening, there is more than meets the eye." And then it's like The End, and everyone is like "WHOO! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!" ...So it was good.